Too cynical or just uninformed or a novice? ( Archived) (22)

So many offer "Don't look for love, it'll happen when we least expect it" If we lived that way in other aspects of our lives, we'd starve, never have a job, etc. Seek and you shall find. Your love will not come knocking at your door. Anything else in this world that we want, we go looking for it, why not love ? Paws

Although I have been on the site for a while, I still think as myself as novice or else I wouldn't be here....

When someone contacts me that is more than say.. 200 miles, I make it clear immediately that there is no possibility of anything other than friendship and won't entertain any other line of chat. The reason for that... I really am looking for a relationship. The possibility of developing that without it being face to face isn't something that is going to happen and I am not willing to move to where someone is.

Even though my children no longer live at home.. 2 of the 3 live close enough that I spend a lot of time with them and I am not going to give that up. I am honest about that with both myself and anyone that I talk with.

If someone doesn't live within a distance that allows at least weekends together on a regular basis... I'm not interested in pursuing the possibility.

That isn't looking for excuses to not get involved or having a convenient safety net... it's being realistic! Friendships don't require constant face to face reality to be a real/close friendship. Committed/romantic relationships do... at least in the world I live in.

I imagine what the saying actually means is that when you are looking, it will show up where you don't try to grasp for it. Still, you've got to give it an effort at least. Life shouldn't serve everything on a silver platter... just the delicious goodies that come from earning it.

OP listen to Tumpa - he seems to know what he's talking about.

I think fer lots of us it's easier and maybe better ta have the chance ta get ta know someone b4 approaching ... can't do that on the traditional singles scene!

as to original questions:

1. don't have an answer ta fit all the facts.
2. some are willing to take the chance others aren't ... works both ways. If two ppl take the chance ta get ta know each other and aren't afraid to admit it might work out ..... instant match.
3. I know I came onto the sites ta be able to SAY I was moving on after the divorce but the truth was I knew how unlikely it was anything that happened here would go beyond chatting (my choice ... not cynicism). I think a lot who get on the sites are the same way ... some never get past the hiding behind the computer screen or the "safety zone" thing wikkid talks about.
4. personally ... I've lived thru so many disasters that seem to be brought on just by the attitudes and moral values (or lack thereof)predominant in this area that I no longer care to look here. I'm confident that if something is meant to be between two ppl ... life and love will find a way to make it work no matter what the distance is. Won't reject local opportunities out of hand ... but will definitely take the chance on a long distance deal if we hit it off.
5 sometimes time is the only way ta answer some questions.
6 u hit the nail on the head there ... anyone can dazzle and shine for a short while ... real hard ta do it day in and day out 24/7 Even the hard core veterans of the forum wars in here only spend a fraction of their available time on here being witty, brilliant, understanding, and wise. But that's what the ppl you meet believe to be the core u. A lot are so unrealistic as to expect ya to be that way all the time. So yes ... as soon as they see the gritty stage the brilliant artist is performing on ... they lose interest. They don't want the reality forever ... they want the dream.

Looks like most of it goes back ta two things long distance being less likely to get too serious and ppl being on the sites even tho they aren't really ready to get involved.

Paws made a good point ... long distance offers lots of things that us refugees from disastrous relationships find appealing. It is easier ta not take past a certain point until we want to. It is easier to control the flow. And ultimately it is easier to walk away when ya get scared that things might be too serious if ur not quite ready ta be there.

And as to the ready or not issue ... only know that for sure if the online relationship comes to fruition in the real world. But remember, it's like they say about the lottery ... ya can't win if ya don't play!

Regards

Nah....like I said....I am just a novice learning my life lessons...

Cynical.....that's me.

But have been out with guys that I have met when out and online.
But never yet found anyone I want to live with.
Does that mean I'm a novice, no can't claim that for one moment!
Am I doing something wrong? Who knows, it's mostly me that can't continue.

Maybe some of us just have to wait a lot longer.
The only thing I'm afraid of is never finding the right one, but pretty resigned to that already.

So it's back to be cynical....!

I would give up my eye teeth to regainful that youthful ignorance of love and relationships. Ok. maybe a kidney and a lung too, but thats as high as I'll go...

The trouble is when we were young we had no knowledge to appreciate what we didn't know, if you see what I mean.
It's catch 22.

Just have to be the best of who we are now and not beat ourselves up about the past too much.