Making others "happy"... (30)
HJFinAZ: When I was younger, I was a people pleaser. It made me happy to make others happy, and I strived to do that. I remember being told it was impossible to make everyone happy. I always thought they just didn't want to try hard enough. I had determination, and I was going to make everyone in my life happy.
When I was in a relationship with an (fill in the blank), I first thought it didn't take much to make her/him happy. (Fill in the blank) made her/him happy. So I was always first in line to purchase/do (fill in the blank) so he/she would be happy. I finally realized two things. First, it was not a good idea to have my happiness dependent on their (fill in the blank) intake. Second, that I could buy them all the (fill in the blank) that I could afford and they still wouldn't be happy and neither would I..
I realized I couldn't make another person happy. I ended up trying so hard I would lose myself and my own happiness in the process. I have realized I can only change myself and learn how to be happy....
When I was in a relationship with an (fill in the blank), I first thought it didn't take much to make her/him happy. (Fill in the blank) made her/him happy. So I was always first in line to purchase/do (fill in the blank) so he/she would be happy. I finally realized two things. First, it was not a good idea to have my happiness dependent on their (fill in the blank) intake. Second, that I could buy them all the (fill in the blank) that I could afford and they still wouldn't be happy and neither would I..
I realized I couldn't make another person happy. I ended up trying so hard I would lose myself and my own happiness in the process. I have realized I can only change myself and learn how to be happy....
Good post, and very true....
The bright side is you wised up and realized the truth when you saw it...
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I was always the one on the giving side of things... not just in relationships but in life. It took me a long time to learn that in receiving, we honour the giver.
In case that´s to vague... sometimes it is less selfish to receive then to give.
In case that´s to vague... sometimes it is less selfish to receive then to give.
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jbibiza: I was always the one on the giving side of things... not just in relationships but in life. It took me a long time to learn that in receiving, we honour the giver.In case that´s to vague... sometimes it is less selfish to receive then to give.
Especially in the case of "love", many are capable of loving. Their are incapable of sitting back, doing nothing, and allowing another to love them.....
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It is not up to us to make others happy. It is up to us to be happy ourselves and hope it rubs off on others.
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Making others happy....
Its a nice hobby/past-time, even a noble characteristic to possess... but as many here will attest to, its a task you must love to do, just for the sake of doing it.
Good luck in learning to enjoy the gift of making one person happy.
Its a nice hobby/past-time, even a noble characteristic to possess... but as many here will attest to, its a task you must love to do, just for the sake of doing it.
Good luck in learning to enjoy the gift of making one person happy.
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Why are there so many post where a person will state, "I want someone that will make me happy"?
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HJFinAZ: Why are there so many post where a person will state, "I want someone that will make me happy"?
"I will if you will... but you go first"mentality, or
how come i always have to go first
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I think it´s unrealistic to think that we ourselves create total happiness within ourselves. Human interaction is required for any of us to be happy.
I enjoy a certain amount of time alone (probably more than most), tucked up with a good book or dvd, but it´s really nice and puts a smile on my face when I get a phone call from a friend saying "I haven´t seen you in a few days, everything ok?" or someone calls me and says "I need your opinion" or "can we get together for a drink/dinner/coffee?"
Knowing that because we exist, that our interactions with others means something, goes a long way in achieving happiness.
I enjoy a certain amount of time alone (probably more than most), tucked up with a good book or dvd, but it´s really nice and puts a smile on my face when I get a phone call from a friend saying "I haven´t seen you in a few days, everything ok?" or someone calls me and says "I need your opinion" or "can we get together for a drink/dinner/coffee?"
Knowing that because we exist, that our interactions with others means something, goes a long way in achieving happiness.
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jbibiza: I think it´s unrealistic to think that we ourselves create total happiness within ourselves. Human interaction is required for any of us to be happy.
I enjoy a certain amount of time alone (probably more than most), tucked up with a good book or dvd, but it´s really nice and puts a smile on my face when I get a phone call from a friend saying "I haven´t seen you in a few days, everything ok?" or someone calls me and says "I need your opinion" or "can we get together for a drink/dinner/coffee?"
Knowing that because we exist, that our interactions with others means something, goes a long way in achieving happiness.
I enjoy a certain amount of time alone (probably more than most), tucked up with a good book or dvd, but it´s really nice and puts a smile on my face when I get a phone call from a friend saying "I haven´t seen you in a few days, everything ok?" or someone calls me and says "I need your opinion" or "can we get together for a drink/dinner/coffee?"
Knowing that because we exist, that our interactions with others means something, goes a long way in achieving happiness.
I definitely agree with this...for some reason having someone to just reach out and hey how ya been does make my heart feel fuller
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HJFinAZ: When I was younger, I was a people pleaser. It made me happy to make others happy, and I strived to do that. I remember being told it was impossible to make everyone happy. I always thought they just didn't want to try hard enough. I had determination, and I was going to make everyone in my life happy.
When I was in a relationship with an (fill in the blank), I first thought it didn't take much to make her/him happy. (Fill in the blank) made her/him happy. So I was always first in line to purchase/do (fill in the blank) so he/she would be happy. I finally realized two things. First, it was not a good idea to have my happiness dependent on their (fill in the blank) intake. Second, that I could buy them all the (fill in the blank) that I could afford and they still wouldn't be happy and neither would I..
I realized I couldn't make another person happy. I ended up trying so hard I would lose myself and my own happiness in the process. I have realized I can only change myself and learn how to be happy....
When I was in a relationship with an (fill in the blank), I first thought it didn't take much to make her/him happy. (Fill in the blank) made her/him happy. So I was always first in line to purchase/do (fill in the blank) so he/she would be happy. I finally realized two things. First, it was not a good idea to have my happiness dependent on their (fill in the blank) intake. Second, that I could buy them all the (fill in the blank) that I could afford and they still wouldn't be happy and neither would I..
I realized I couldn't make another person happy. I ended up trying so hard I would lose myself and my own happiness in the process. I have realized I can only change myself and learn how to be happy....
I agree that you can't make others happy. Even when you give them all that you have , they are always lacking something. So do the something you can do for you, and everything else will fall in place. Love yourself, because you cannot be dependent on others to love you. By loving yourself, you also show others how you want to be treated and cared for.
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HJFinAZ: Why are there so many post where a person will state, "I want someone that will make me happy"?
You know, HJ, that's something I always wonder when I see it. I don't say it, for it's up to me to make me happy. Happiness comes from within, not from something or someone else. There are people, like my sons, who when I spend time with them, I am happy that I get to do so...but they don't make me happy. I am already happy.
I'm not looking for a "soul mate" either...I'm not sure that exists, and it implies too much that there is just one perfect person for one to spend this life with, instead of multiple options for chemistry and compatibility...and love. I am looking for a person who is compatible with me, whom I love just the way they are and that is returned, and with whom I share that special chemistry. Someone to be my best friend and lover.
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HJFinAZ: When I was younger, I was a people pleaser. It made me happy to make others happy, and I strived to do that. I remember being told it was impossible to make everyone happy. I always thought they just didn't want to try hard enough. I had determination, and I was going to make everyone in my life happy.
When I was in a relationship with an (fill in the blank), I first thought it didn't take much to make her/him happy. (Fill in the blank) made her/him happy. So I was always first in line to purchase/do (fill in the blank) so he/she would be happy. I finally realized two things. First, it was not a good idea to have my happiness dependent on their (fill in the blank) intake. Second, that I could buy them all the (fill in the blank) that I could afford and they still wouldn't be happy and neither would I..
I realized I couldn't make another person happy. I ended up trying so hard I would lose myself and my own happiness in the process. I have realized I can only change myself and learn how to be happy....
When I was in a relationship with an (fill in the blank), I first thought it didn't take much to make her/him happy. (Fill in the blank) made her/him happy. So I was always first in line to purchase/do (fill in the blank) so he/she would be happy. I finally realized two things. First, it was not a good idea to have my happiness dependent on their (fill in the blank) intake. Second, that I could buy them all the (fill in the blank) that I could afford and they still wouldn't be happy and neither would I..
I realized I couldn't make another person happy. I ended up trying so hard I would lose myself and my own happiness in the process. I have realized I can only change myself and learn how to be happy....
I used to think I had to make everyone around me happy but then realized I had to make myself happy.
That I can't be responsible for someone elses happiness that they have to do that themselves.
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jbibiza: I think it´s unrealistic to think that we ourselves create total happiness within ourselves. Human interaction is required for any of us to be happy.
I enjoy a certain amount of time alone (probably more than most), tucked up with a good book or dvd, but it´s really nice and puts a smile on my face when I get a phone call from a friend saying "I haven´t seen you in a few days, everything ok?" or someone calls me and says "I need your opinion" or "can we get together for a drink/dinner/coffee?"
Knowing that because we exist, that our interactions with others means something, goes a long way in achieving happiness.
I enjoy a certain amount of time alone (probably more than most), tucked up with a good book or dvd, but it´s really nice and puts a smile on my face when I get a phone call from a friend saying "I haven´t seen you in a few days, everything ok?" or someone calls me and says "I need your opinion" or "can we get together for a drink/dinner/coffee?"
Knowing that because we exist, that our interactions with others means something, goes a long way in achieving happiness.
Good point, and those things make me happier. But it is still something that overall must come from within. I know people who feel that they just can't be happy if they're not in a serious relationship...they don't feel whole or complete without that...and then wonder why the relationships don't work.
I contend that you must be a whole and complete person first, and then find another one of those who complements you well, in order for a relationship to work.
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druidess6308: Good point, and those things make me happier. But it is still something that overall must come from within. I know people who feel that they just can't be happy if they're not in a serious relationship...they don't feel whole or complete without that...and then wonder why the relationships don't work.
I contend that you must be a whole and complete person first, and then find another one of those who complements you well, in order for a relationship to work.
I contend that you must be a whole and complete person first, and then find another one of those who complements you well, in order for a relationship to work.
I do get what you´re saying... and it´s the new way to think, but... there are so many different types of people who´s to say that the only way to happiness is through making yourself happy first?
There are those who need to rely and depend on another and there are those who need to be relied on in order feel happy... when those 2 people come together it works for them and in each other they find happiness.
I´m beginning to think that this new way of thinking may be what actually keeps people from finding and staying in committed relationships. If we are able to create everything for ourselves, then why would we put up with the tough times in a relationship?
The idea that another person doesn´t do anything for you that you can´t do for yourself, I think makes us very intolerant.
Several years ago I read a little blurb that has stuck with me.... they compared the magazines over the past few decades to peoples attitudes...
We started out reading Life Magazine, then People became popular to be followed by We then Us and finally Self.
Maybe this idea of making ourselves happy first.... is in reality just selfish?
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jbibiza: I do get what you´re saying... and it´s the new way to think, but... there are so many different types of people who´s to say that the only way to happiness is through making yourself happy first?
There are those who need to rely and depend on another and there are those who need to be relied on in order feel happy... when those 2 people come together it works for them and in each other they find happiness.
I´m beginning to think that this new way of thinking may be what actually keeps people from finding and staying in committed relationships. If we are able to create everything for ourselves, then why would we put up with the tough times in a relationship?
The idea that another person doesn´t do anything for you that you can´t do for yourself, I think makes us very intolerant.
Several years ago I read a little blurb that has stuck with me.... they compared the magazines over the past few decades to peoples attitudes...
We started out reading Life Magazine, then People became popular to be followed by We then Us and finally Self .
Maybe this idea of making ourselves happy first.... is in reality just selfish?
There are those who need to rely and depend on another and there are those who need to be relied on in order feel happy... when those 2 people come together it works for them and in each other they find happiness.
I´m beginning to think that this new way of thinking may be what actually keeps people from finding and staying in committed relationships. If we are able to create everything for ourselves, then why would we put up with the tough times in a relationship?
The idea that another person doesn´t do anything for you that you can´t do for yourself, I think makes us very intolerant.
Several years ago I read a little blurb that has stuck with me.... they compared the magazines over the past few decades to peoples attitudes...
We started out reading Life Magazine, then People became popular to be followed by We then Us and finally Self .
Maybe this idea of making ourselves happy first.... is in reality just selfish?
I love the way you think, and how well you post it, JB. Good point about those who need others, and need to be needed. And very interesting about the magazines...it does follow the trend of today's society well, doesn't it?I have to admit that I'm one who needs love like I need air. However, I've learned that that love includes my friends, my family, and my dogs...and self-love. Personally, I've reached a point where I'm very happy with my life as it is, and finally enjoying the journey within after so many years of being with others. I do enjoy being single...but, I still have the desire to be in a committed relationship as well. To share. To give and receive with that special someone.
Anyway, you're right that we don't all have the same needs. We shouldn't...we're all individuals. I don't have the same needs I had when I was younger...and yet the core of who I am has not changed, just my experience of it. I am happy...but finding that person would make me happier.
(Better?
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druidess6308: You know, HJ, that's something I always wonder when I see it. I don't say it, for it's up to me to make me happy. Happiness comes from within, not from something or someone else. There are people, like my sons, who when I spend time with them, I am happy that I get to do so...but they don't make me happy . I am already happy.
I'm not looking for a "soul mate" either...I'm not sure that exists, and it implies too much that there is just one perfect person for one to spend this life with, instead of multiple options for chemistry and compatibility...and love. I am looking for a person who is compatible with me, whom I love just the way they are and that is returned, and with whom I share that special chemistry. Someone to be my best friend and lover.
good post dru! this is how i feel also. and anyway, what is soul mate? i just want someone to except me for me, and me them. its way better and you could get along together if you didnt try to change anything about your mate. it makes it most interestingI'm not looking for a "soul mate" either...I'm not sure that exists, and it implies too much that there is just one perfect person for one to spend this life with, instead of multiple options for chemistry and compatibility...and love. I am looking for a person who is compatible with me, whom I love just the way they are and that is returned, and with whom I share that special chemistry. Someone to be my best friend and lover.
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druidess6308: I love the way you think, and how well you post it, JB. Good point about those who need others, and need to be needed. And very interesting about the magazines...it does follow the trend of today's society well, doesn't it?
I have to admit that I'm one who needs love like I need air. However, I've learned that that love includes my friends, my family, and my dogs...and self-love. Personally, I've reached a point where I'm very happy with my life as it is, and finally enjoying the journey within after so many years of being with others. I do enjoy being single...but, I still have the desire to be in a committed relationship as well. To share. To give and receive with that special someone.
Anyway, you're right that we don't all have the same needs. We shouldn't...we're all individuals. I don't have the same needs I had when I was younger...and yet the core of who I am has not changed, just my experience of it. I am happy...but finding that person would make me happier.
(Better? )
I have to admit that I'm one who needs love like I need air. However, I've learned that that love includes my friends, my family, and my dogs...and self-love. Personally, I've reached a point where I'm very happy with my life as it is, and finally enjoying the journey within after so many years of being with others. I do enjoy being single...but, I still have the desire to be in a committed relationship as well. To share. To give and receive with that special someone.
Anyway, you're right that we don't all have the same needs. We shouldn't...we're all individuals. I don't have the same needs I had when I was younger...and yet the core of who I am has not changed, just my experience of it. I am happy...but finding that person would make me happier.
(Better? )
Believe me... I´m not pointing fingers as I am probably one of the worst offenders of what I stated in my last post. I have reached a point in my life that with friends and a lifestyle that I really enjoy, with being quite content to spend time on my own, I have reached a point that I don´t need anyone to complete my life... I´m quite self sufficient and generally quite happy.
My thoughts have been, I don´t need you but I want you, and isn´t it better to be wanted then needed?
To be quite honest though, when I look around it´s the women who need someone who seem to attract men. I think most men feel more secure in a relationship when they are needed. I think that to be able to have a relationship again I will have to allow a certain vulnerability and need to show... not something that comes easily to me.
I would also like you guys to comment on this.... is a woman wanting you enough... or do you need to feel needed?
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jbibiza: Believe me... I´m not pointing fingers as I am probably one of the worst offenders of what I stated in my last post. I have reached a point in my life that with friends and a lifestyle that I really enjoy, with being quite content to spend time on my own, I have reached a point that I don´t need anyone to complete my life... I´m quite self sufficient and generally quite happy.
My thoughts have been, I don´t need you but I want you, and isn´t it better to be wanted then needed?
To be quite honest though, when I look around it´s the women who need someone who seem to attract men. I think most men feel more secure in a relationship when they are needed. I think that to be able to have a relationship again I will have to allow a certain vulnerability and need to show... not something that comes easily to me.
I would also like you guys to comment on this.... is a woman wanting you enough... or do you need to feel needed?
My thoughts have been, I don´t need you but I want you, and isn´t it better to be wanted then needed?
To be quite honest though, when I look around it´s the women who need someone who seem to attract men. I think most men feel more secure in a relationship when they are needed. I think that to be able to have a relationship again I will have to allow a certain vulnerability and need to show... not something that comes easily to me.
I would also like you guys to comment on this.... is a woman wanting you enough... or do you need to feel needed?
I wonder about that too jb because I'm pretty independent and I guess it shows...although the one time I asked a guy to come over and help me with something he never did. I'm so confused
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jbibiza: We all have our own definitions of "happy"....
hrt4lse: That must be happiness for you Tony
I like to give
yummy...the beautiful natural scent of a woman...I'll invest 30 minutes of foreplay....me pleasing you...I'll get the oil out...we can start with a massage....lay on the bed woman...
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When I was in a relationship with an (fill in the blank), I first thought it didn't take much to make her/him happy. (Fill in the blank) made her/him happy. So I was always first in line to purchase/do (fill in the blank) so he/she would be happy. I finally realized two things. First, it was not a good idea to have my happiness dependent on their (fill in the blank) intake. Second, that I could buy them all the (fill in the blank) that I could afford and they still wouldn't be happy and neither would I..
I realized I couldn't make another person happy. I ended up trying so hard I would lose myself and my own happiness in the process. I have realized I can only change myself and learn how to be happy....