Women, I have a date. Can you sort an ol’ geezer out? ( Archived) (92)

I’m not that old really, so I probably don’t qualify to be on the same page in the dictionary as a geezer.
I simply like the word and wanted to address myself thus at least once in my life.
Well, that’s one off on my exciting list of things to do in life, I reckon.

So, a date is to be had.

I’m to romance her off her feet, swoon to such an extent that she will call her father and demand he take those 5 stinking camels off my burdened shoulders. I’m quite confident I can pull off a fine evening and impress without using my matchstick tricks or Ned Flanders impersonation. However, I want to be on the safe side, so I want an impeccable self to appear at the approach of when I pick her up and live happily forever after.

I sport a Johnny Depp pirates tash, which I know is not really up her alley, but I want it to remain. I don’t know why, I have no plans to pirate anything, not even her. Well, just a little a little plan of little pirating, to be honest. I’m a highwayman after all.

I’ve never been to a barber, never been sat in a chair leaned back and have humid, hot towels wrapped around my face, never had a serial killer weapon sharp the stubble off my chin, and now’s the time for a session.

But the rest, how about the rest?

My face, I’ve heard about facial masks. I’ve heard when applied and removed, they’re supposed to make the skin of your face feel like a baby’s butt. I really don’t care what it would feel like under my own hand, what tickles my fantasy is that such a skin would probably make her hand, and her lips, create an even greater sensation that I already imagine.

So, where do I get these “masks”? The trick or treat shop it is not, I dare guess
What am I supposed to look for

I’m a footballer, soccer as it’s nerdly and error like called in the Americas. I played up until I was moved down like high grass, twice, and my ankles took an unrecoverable beating.
I have football player feet, with bits on my heels so thick you might think I had hobbits in my family.

What do I do with that skin? Peel it off with a grater?

What more?

How should I dress? I don’t want to overdo it with a suit, so I think I’ll go with the James Dean casual slick.

Let get as gay here. Any suggestions are welcome. Should I have a manicure, a pedicure, a cure my crazy bits of off humor?

You're a funny guy...entertaining and interesting....you shouldn't try too hard!

That's my advice (alright I'm not a woman)

There are so many errors in that firts post of mine one might think I'm shaking nervous!

If you fuss too much she will think you're Gay anyway





Men ares supposed to have rough bits and hairy bits aren't they?

Yeah definately...just lip balm







Nothing worse than rough lips

I am sure you will WOW her..... I can't speak for other women but I am always partial to a Ned Flanders impression!!

Okely Dokely!

Coooo...!!!! Yeah... that's it!! *swoon*



Though the "Hey, diddely doodely"?? Grrr.... Tiger!!