I see this alot ( Archived) (85)

In a relationship everything should be give and take..so the amount of freedom your partner has in making independent decisions is the amount of freedom you should have.

If the couple is comfortable with giving each other suggestions on what they think is "better" it's ok to do it, but again if it goes both ways.

If there is such an imbalance where one of the partners is always the one "suggesting" and having his way with everything, I am not sure that is a healthy relationship between two equal adults JMO.

A controlling relationship can be very complicated. In most situations, the one controlled doesn't even know or want to admit that they're being suffocated. Many factors come into play here, but we're going to focus on the warning signs of a controlling relationship.

It's normal for couples to argue about things every now and then. But constant threats, like the one above, are warning signs of a controlling relationship. Your partner wants to stop you from doing whatever it is you want.

Trust is essential to make a relationship work. If your partner has to constantly check your mobile phone or email for messages, then I'm afraid you might be in a controlling relationship. The feeling is not at all pleasant. You're not a fugitive who needs to be guarded at all times.

A relationship is supposed to nurture growth. But when the controlling person doesn't even allow you to see your friends, that's one of the warning signs of a controlling relationship.

The controller probably fears the friends who have the good sense to break the control spell. On a side note, friends are also the best remedies for a controlling relationship.

These warning signs of a controlling relationship all have something in common. They throw away your sense of self and allow your partner to decide everything for you.

Sometimes, it's difficult to break away from the habit when you're used to being controlled. However, that doesn't mean you can't get out of a controlling relationship. All you need is your resolve and a steady group of friends to help you take the first step.

Consider this... If a person is stupid enough to allow another to control them, do they not deserve to be controlled?

And neither do I.

And I would not allow any friend, daughter of mine to be treated like nothing.

I like a degree of equal control in a relationship.

Control becomes a battle of wills, the times I have heard it, 'how dare he/she speak like that to me'

I can get my point across in a calm, reasonable manner.

I do not have to gain control, because I do not want control, in a partnership.

Being control of oneself is very different from taking the liberty of believing that a person can control another one.

I do indeed, J, I do indeed.

Very much so, I am on a fact finding mission to get people's thoughts.

There is a fine line between what you mention and controlling by force or intimidation.

And I am interested in people's views of where that line is for them.

I cannot help myself.

Would you say the same about a person who has been hit in the face, you know stupid enough to allow it to happen, so they deserved it?

As a matter of interest, Pat?

It is complicated, and if you haven't been in the situation, then it may be hard to understand. I think people can develope control issues while in a relationship, so the partner didn't see it coming in the beginning. Then, you are married, and you develope a tug of war within your brain - should I leave or should I stay to try to make things better. The longer you stay with the belief things can get better, the worse it gets.

Absolutely Kamelia, I concur.

If I have a problem, I will ask those closest to me, and I will ask 'What do you think I should do?'

If I have a problem with my partner, I will say, 'I have a problem and can you hear me out' I will ask for that time. He is not a mindreader, so he cannot know if I do not tell him, if he tells me I have got it all wrong, then I will explore his views, but if I feel strongly about something, then I will have my say, I will then say, it is my turn to talk.

WHat I am driving at here, is that, I see often many people use the word control as a basis for complaining about their relationships.

My children say I control. Of course I do, I am their mother.

My ex used to say I manipulate him, I did not feel like that.

Controlling behaviour is damaging, bad controlling behaviour.

And being allowed to speak is ok, when things need to be addressed. I am clinical like that, I want appointments, times when we can sit down and discuss things without interruption.

So that we can work it out, one speaks the other listens, then the other speaks.

He is real Hope, defintely real.

Just checked my pants... no skid marks so no crap.
Pinched myself a mighty fine bruise and there was plenty of reaction to that so no illusion either.
Real as any other person on earth but more empathic than I should be at times I suppose.