Christmas Eating Tips... ( Archived) (10)

You may thank me later!

10 Christmas Eating Tips

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It's rare. You cannot find it any other time of year. So drink up! Who cares that it has 700 calories in every sip?


3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention.

8. Same for pies. Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

10. If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention.

Your wish is my... Uh... Compliance. Do you want it here or in a separate thread?

I just posted it in the "Food to Share...any good recipes out there?" thread.

Not a freakin' thing, Bob, not a freakin' thing...