do you let your ex see your child he gave up his rights to? (65)
SweetKimneosho, Missouri USA5 Threads 64 PostsIt's seems like an easy answer. But is it? What if your child wanted to see his or her dad? You try to think of the future, you know the other family will talk to your child in later years and say they were denied time with them and say their mother was horrible, do you let them see your child to avoid that and try to be the better person? Or do you just completely close the door to visitation? Either way the child will get hurt, but which way do you choose?
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I would always have a welcome mat out for SUPERVISED visits with the other parent!!
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pretzelman: I would always have a welcome mat out for SUPERVISED visits with the other parent!!
I agree with PM... if there is no reason to be concerned at his contact with the children, its better late than never with contact with their father. Whatever the issues may be between husband and wife, the relationship with the children is something completely separate!
Allow them the opportunity to inter-act with their father?
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When my ex & I split, he didn't bother with our daughter for 2 years. Then, when he did come back into her life, he tried to tell her I wouldn't let him see or talk to her. She believed him too, until I argued to her that that simply wasn't true. He even told her I wanted to abort her. It was nasty.
But I did think it was important for her to see him. After all, he was her father. And no matter how I felt about him, that wasn't going to change.
She's now almost 22 & won't even call him "Dad" anymore. In the end, she saw what he really was. And she & I are very close.
But I did think it was important for her to see him. After all, he was her father. And no matter how I felt about him, that wasn't going to change.
She's now almost 22 & won't even call him "Dad" anymore. In the end, she saw what he really was. And she & I are very close.
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You do what you think is best for the child, even if it doesn't coincide with the childs wishes. It's hard, and I've been there. You may feel very alone. People may disagree with you. But do what YOU think is best for the child.
And remember, the child is often better off without that person in their lives. You don't want to put your child in a situation with a parent that will say they'll be there and they never show up. That was my decision, I didn't want my daughter to ever know neglect and she would have with her father. He's never seen her.
Being the better person is sticking to your guns for what is best, not bowing to others wishes and what they may say.
I had people who disagreed with my decisions come back to me later and say I'd done the right thing, though not one person thought I was doing the right thing at the time.
If you need someone to talk to, feel free to email me. I'll tell you what I went through.
Dana
And remember, the child is often better off without that person in their lives. You don't want to put your child in a situation with a parent that will say they'll be there and they never show up. That was my decision, I didn't want my daughter to ever know neglect and she would have with her father. He's never seen her.
Being the better person is sticking to your guns for what is best, not bowing to others wishes and what they may say.
I had people who disagreed with my decisions come back to me later and say I'd done the right thing, though not one person thought I was doing the right thing at the time.
If you need someone to talk to, feel free to email me. I'll tell you what I went through.
Dana
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sweetowen: When my ex & I split, he didn't bother with our daughter for 2 years. Then, when he did come back into her life, he tried to tell her I wouldn't let him see or talk to her. She believed him too, until I argued to her that that simply wasn't true. He even told her I wanted to abort her. It was nasty.
But I did think it was important for her to see him. After all, he was her father. And no matter how I felt about him, that wasn't going to change.
She's now almost 22 & won't even call him "Dad" anymore. In the end, she saw what he really was. And she & I are very close.
But I did think it was important for her to see him. After all, he was her father. And no matter how I felt about him, that wasn't going to change.
She's now almost 22 & won't even call him "Dad" anymore. In the end, she saw what he really was. And she & I are very close.
Emily is 13, knows what I did and the reasons I did them. She's thanked me for loving her enough to do what I did. She has never had any desire to meet her father.
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Do I agree to disagree? I have never been married so I don't have much hurt feelings towards the man so it doesn't have anything to do with our differences, it's what's best for the child, that's my only concern. I didn't give up on the child. So do I reward the one that did? Do I think about how the father dela when he wasn't thinking of the feelings his child?
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SweetKim: Do I agree to disagree? I have never been married so I don't have much hurt feelings towards the man so it doesn't have anything to do with our differences, it's what's best for the child, that's my only concern. I didn't give up on the child. So do I reward the one that did? Do I think about how the father dela when he wasn't thinking of the feelings his child?
Kim, if you hit the quote button we'll know who you are speaking to.
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SweetKim: Do I agree to disagree? I have never been married so I don't have much hurt feelings towards the man so it doesn't have anything to do with our differences, it's what's best for the child, that's my only concern. I didn't give up on the child. So do I reward the one that did? Do I think about how the father dela when he wasn't thinking of the feelings his child?
I wouldn't consider the fathers feelings. Only the child. And the childs future. If you do this, how will it affect the childs future? Do you think it will be positive or disruptive?
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dcj22: You do what you think is best for the child, even if it doesn't coincide with the childs wishes. It's hard, and I've been there. You may feel very alone. People may disagree with you. But do what YOU think is best for the child.
And remember, the child is often better off without that person in their lives. You don't want to put your child in a situation with a parent that will say they'll be there and they never show up. That was my decision, I didn't want my daughter to ever know neglect and she would have with her father. He's never seen her.
Being the better person is sticking to your guns for what is best, not bowing to others wishes and what they may say.
I had people who disagreed with my decisions come back to me later and say I'd done the right thing, though not one person thought I was doing the right thing at the time.
If you need someone to talk to, feel free to email me. I'll tell you what I went through. Dana
And remember, the child is often better off without that person in their lives. You don't want to put your child in a situation with a parent that will say they'll be there and they never show up. That was my decision, I didn't want my daughter to ever know neglect and she would have with her father. He's never seen her.
Being the better person is sticking to your guns for what is best, not bowing to others wishes and what they may say.
I had people who disagreed with my decisions come back to me later and say I'd done the right thing, though not one person thought I was doing the right thing at the time.
If you need someone to talk to, feel free to email me. I'll tell you what I went through. Dana
Exactly!!
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pretzelman: I would always have a welcome mat out for SUPERVISED visits with the other parent!!
But it would also depend on the absent parent. Why they went absent. If they are not a threat to the child they should have a relationship.
If they cannot get over the Custody parent nor how they feel 'cheated' It should be supervised visitation, even if the visits take place @ the Police Station.
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When i was a girl, my mother showed me the court i shouldd direct myself to if my father wouldn't want to give me some change
It's better to let the kids see their dad. They will find out by themselves whether he is a good dad or not. Dads deserve a second chance. Maybe they were too young to assume a kid by the time of the conception or for other reasons they were in denial. Sometimes mothers also don't make things easy...so, let them see as long as he doesn't constitute any danger to the child's integrity.
It's better to let the kids see their dad. They will find out by themselves whether he is a good dad or not. Dads deserve a second chance. Maybe they were too young to assume a kid by the time of the conception or for other reasons they were in denial. Sometimes mothers also don't make things easy...so, let them see as long as he doesn't constitute any danger to the child's integrity.
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You know, I just told my daughter about this and asked her if her opinions had changed, just to be sure, you know. She said that she still thinks I did the best thing and she still has no desire to meet her father.
Honestly, she's had good men around her to be a good influence on her and to spend time with her, and we've always been just fine with the two of us. I also was not married to her father.
But these decisions are always so individual.
Honestly, she's had good men around her to be a good influence on her and to spend time with her, and we've always been just fine with the two of us. I also was not married to her father.
But these decisions are always so individual.
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By the way sometimes I hear mothers saying "that SOB drinks users drugs is violent and cant hold a job and shouldn't be able to see his child"
Sometimes I ask-- "Well what were you thinking when you were f---king him?"
Sometimes I ask-- "Well what were you thinking when you were f---king him?"
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SweetKim: It's seems like an easy answer. But is it? What if your child wanted to see his or her dad? You try to think of the future, you know the other family will talk to your child in later years and say they were denied time with them and say their mother was horrible, do you let them see your child to avoid that and try to be the better person? Or do you just completely close the door to visitation? Either way the child will get hurt, but which way do you choose?
I got kids that come from.... well several different men. The kids are all grown now. But i never denied anybody visitation rights. If the man is a dead beat kids kids pick up on it. You just supervise the visits, never say anything derogatory around the child. Just kinda be the bigger person. It all works out.------ This thread is Archived ------
roseofsharon: I agree with PM... if there is no reason to be concerned at his contact with the children, its better late than never with contact with their father. Whatever the issues may be between husband and wife, the relationship with the children is something completely separate!
Allow them the opportunity to inter-act with their father?
Allow them the opportunity to inter-act with their father?
perfectly said, I agree.....
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Depends..
what is the guy like and 2. why did he give up rights?
if just so he wouldn't be bothered, or just so he wouldn't have to pay support.. he is nothing but a useless P>O>S!!
so honestly.. if the latter...is this the type of guy that you want around your child?
Kids usually do not know what is best for them, so when they are old enough.. they are free to look for him.
I think if he gave up rights.. that pretty much says it all.
what is the guy like and 2. why did he give up rights?
if just so he wouldn't be bothered, or just so he wouldn't have to pay support.. he is nothing but a useless P>O>S!!
so honestly.. if the latter...is this the type of guy that you want around your child?
Kids usually do not know what is best for them, so when they are old enough.. they are free to look for him.
I think if he gave up rights.. that pretty much says it all.
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pretzelman: I would always have a welcome mat out for SUPERVISED visits with the other parent!!
Boy is this ever a good idea. Dumb me, I never dreamed my ex was poisoning my kids against me. So many things I couldn't explain, words I didn't even think they could spell. But it was going on. I never said a bad word against him either. Didn't question them when they came back from a visit. Even talked to him about a problem I was having with my daughter. His response "love her more". He was behind the whole thing. It took a co-worker to set me straight. I was lamenting about my relationship with my daughter and she said "it sounds like she is being coached". Then everything made sense. But of course after years of brainwashing it was too late. I decided to move away and developed a "let him have them" attitude. Lo and behold, he died early. I still moved away. If they couldn't be half-way decent to me when he was alive, I'll be damned if I take the scraps just because I'm the only one left. Very sad situation.
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newinsouth: Boy is this ever a good idea. Dumb me, I never dreamed my ex was poisoning my kids against me. So many things I couldn't explain, words I didn't even think they could spell. But it was going on. I never said a bad word against him either. Didn't question them when they came back from a visit. Even talked to him about a problem I was having with my daughter. His response "love her more". He was behind the whole thing. It took a co-worker to set me straight. I was lamenting about my relationship with my daughter and she said "it sounds like she is being coached". Then everything made sense. But of course after years of brainwashing it was too late. I decided to move away and developed a "let him have them" attitude. Lo and behold, he died early. I still moved away. If they couldn't be half-way decent to me when he was alive, I'll be damned if I take the scraps just because I'm the only one left. Very sad situation.
that is very sad------ This thread is Archived ------
sweetowen: When my ex & I split, he didn't bother with our daughter for 2 years. Then, when he did come back into her life, he tried to tell her I wouldn't let him see or talk to her. She believed him too, until I argued to her that that simply wasn't true. He even told her I wanted to abort her. It was nasty.
But I did think it was important for her to see him. After all, he was her father. And no matter how I felt about him, that wasn't going to change.
She's now almost 22 & won't even call him "Dad" anymore. In the end, she saw what he really was. And she & I are very close.
But I did think it was important for her to see him. After all, he was her father. And no matter how I felt about him, that wasn't going to change.
She's now almost 22 & won't even call him "Dad" anymore. In the end, she saw what he really was. And she & I are very close.
This is the point I was going to make. If the other parent is genuine, then the child-parent relationship will be fine. If the other parent is false,(only pursuing the relationship for selfish reasons) then the child will see through it. Remember, if you raised your child with the same value system you have, then that is the value system they will exercise in life. Never criticize the other parent in front of the child, that is the child's other parent. The child needs to formulate their own viewpoint of the other parent. The child needs to see the proper way to act, and you can provide that example. Childern have the amazing ability to see through veneer.
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