The Original Computer!!!! (8)
Hick computer terms
Log On: Makin' the wood stove hotter.
Log Off: Don't add no wood.
Monitor: Keepin' an eye on the wood stove.
Download: Gettin' the firewood off the pickup.
Mega Hertz: When yer not careful down loadin'.
Floppy Disk: Whatcha git from pilin' too much firewood.
Ram: The hydrolic thingy that splits the firewood.
Hard Drive: Getting' home in the winter season.
Prompt: What you wish the mail was in the winter.
Windows: What to shut when it's below 15 below.
Screen: What 'cha need for the black fly season.
Byte: That's what the flies do.
Chip: What to munch on.
Micro Chip: What's left in the bottom of the bag.
Infrared: Where the left-overs go when Fred's around.
Modem: What 'cha did to the hay fields.
Dot Matrix: Farmer Matrix's wife.
Lap Top: Where little kids feel comfy.
Keyboard: Where ya hang your keys.
Software: Them plastic eatin' utensils.
Mouse: Whats eats the horses grain.
Main Frame: Hold up the barn roof.
Port: Fancy wine.
Enter: C'mon in.
Random Access Memory: You can't remember whatcha' paid for that new rifle when your wife asks
Log On: Makin' the wood stove hotter.
Log Off: Don't add no wood.
Monitor: Keepin' an eye on the wood stove.
Download: Gettin' the firewood off the pickup.
Mega Hertz: When yer not careful down loadin'.
Floppy Disk: Whatcha git from pilin' too much firewood.
Ram: The hydrolic thingy that splits the firewood.
Hard Drive: Getting' home in the winter season.
Prompt: What you wish the mail was in the winter.
Windows: What to shut when it's below 15 below.
Screen: What 'cha need for the black fly season.
Byte: That's what the flies do.
Chip: What to munch on.
Micro Chip: What's left in the bottom of the bag.
Infrared: Where the left-overs go when Fred's around.
Modem: What 'cha did to the hay fields.
Dot Matrix: Farmer Matrix's wife.
Lap Top: Where little kids feel comfy.
Keyboard: Where ya hang your keys.
Software: Them plastic eatin' utensils.
Mouse: Whats eats the horses grain.
Main Frame: Hold up the barn roof.
Port: Fancy wine.
Enter: C'mon in.
Random Access Memory: You can't remember whatcha' paid for that new rifle when your wife asks
A Christmas Story for people having a bad day:
When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce
toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the
Pre-Christmas pressure.
Then Mrs Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed
Santa even more.
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were
about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out,
Heaven knows where.
Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked,
the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.
Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot
of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drank
all the cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he accidentally
dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces
all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice
had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.
Just then the doorbell rang, and irritated Santa marched to the door,
yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big
Christmas tree.
The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a
lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to
stick it?'
And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas
tree.
When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce
toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the
Pre-Christmas pressure.
Then Mrs Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed
Santa even more.
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were
about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out,
Heaven knows where.
Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked,
the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.
Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot
of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drank
all the cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he accidentally
dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces
all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice
had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.
Just then the doorbell rang, and irritated Santa marched to the door,
yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big
Christmas tree.
The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a
lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to
stick it?'
And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas
tree.
This is especially for Crystal and Jimbhoy, Happy Christmas and enjoy!
A man in Scotland calls his son in London the day before
Christmas Eve and says, “I hate to ruin your day, but I have
to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five
years of misery is enough.”
“Dad, what are you talking about?” the son screams. “We can't
stand the sight of each other any longer,” the father says.
“We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this,
so you call your sister in Leeds and tell her.”
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone.
“Like hell they're getting divorced,”' she shouts,
“I'll take care of this.”
She calls Scotland immediately, and screams at her father,
“You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get
there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow.
Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?” and hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. “OK,” he says,
“they're coming for Christmas - and they're paying their own way.
A man in Scotland calls his son in London the day before
Christmas Eve and says, “I hate to ruin your day, but I have
to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five
years of misery is enough.”
“Dad, what are you talking about?” the son screams. “We can't
stand the sight of each other any longer,” the father says.
“We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this,
so you call your sister in Leeds and tell her.”
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone.
“Like hell they're getting divorced,”' she shouts,
“I'll take care of this.”
She calls Scotland immediately, and screams at her father,
“You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get
there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow.
Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?” and hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. “OK,” he says,
“they're coming for Christmas - and they're paying their own way.
good one trichIrishminx: This is especially for Crystal and Jimbhoy, Happy Christmas and enjoy!A man in Scotland calls his son in London the day before
Christmas Eve and says, “I hate to ruin your day, but I have
to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five
years of misery is enough.”
“Dad, what are you talking about?” the son screams. “We can't
stand the sight of each other any longer,” the father says.
“We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this,
so you call your sister in Leeds and tell her.”
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone.
“Like hell they're getting divorced,”' she shouts,
“I'll take care of this.”
She calls Scotland immediately, and screams at her father,
“You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get
there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow.
Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?” and hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. “OK,” he says,
“they're coming for Christmas - and they're paying their own way.
Christmas Eve and says, “I hate to ruin your day, but I have
to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five
years of misery is enough.”
“Dad, what are you talking about?” the son screams. “We can't
stand the sight of each other any longer,” the father says.
“We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this,
so you call your sister in Leeds and tell her.”
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone.
“Like hell they're getting divorced,”' she shouts,
“I'll take care of this.”
She calls Scotland immediately, and screams at her father,
“You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get
there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow.
Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?” and hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. “OK,” he says,
“they're coming for Christmas - and they're paying their own way.
well thats one way of getting the family together.
webs77: Memory was something you lost with age
An application was for employment
A programme was a TV show
A cursor used profanity A keyboard was a piano
A web was a spider's home
A virus was the flu
A CD was a bank account
A hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And if you had a 3 inch floppy. You just hoped nobody ever found out!?!
An application was for employment
A programme was a TV show
A cursor used profanity A keyboard was a piano
A web was a spider's home
A virus was the flu
A CD was a bank account
A hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And if you had a 3 inch floppy. You just hoped nobody ever found out!?!
Irishminx: A Christmas Story for people having a bad day:
When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce
toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the
Pre-Christmas pressure.
Then Mrs Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed
Santa even more.
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were
about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out,
Heaven knows where.
Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked,
the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.
Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot
of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drank
all the cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he accidentally
dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces
all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice
had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.
Just then the doorbell rang, and irritated Santa marched to the door,
yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big
Christmas tree.
The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a
lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to
stick it?'
And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas
tree.
When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce
toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the
Pre-Christmas pressure.
Then Mrs Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed
Santa even more.
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were
about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out,
Heaven knows where.
Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked,
the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.
Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot
of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drank
all the cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he accidentally
dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces
all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice
had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.
Just then the doorbell rang, and irritated Santa marched to the door,
yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big
Christmas tree.
The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a
lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to
stick it?'
And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas
tree.
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Created: Dec 2008
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An application was for employment
A programme was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano
A web was a spider's home
A virus was the flu
A CD was a bank account
A hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And if you had a 3 inch floppy.
You just hoped nobody ever found out!?!