What Makes Romance and How To Keep It!! ( Archived) (10)

Author: Alan Detwiler Posted: December 07 2004

Romantic relationships happen because of the hopes and dreams a couple has for a happy life together. The relationship will continue to be pleasant and rewarding as long as the hopes and dreams are kept alive by staying concerned with what is good about the relationship.

This article suggests ways for staying aware of what makes your romantic relationship worthwhile.

Don't Expect Too Much --

Don't expect a perfect relationship. That happens only in fairy tales. If you expect everything to be wonderful, it makes your relationship less valuable by comparison. Problems will occur. You will get hurt. Being too concerned with the problems will stop you from paying attention to what is good in the relationship.

Romance and love will more likely happen if you allow them to happen instead of making them a goal. If love is the goal, you will compare how the relationship is now to what you think it should be. You will be continually disappointed. Making the relationship better should be the goal. Pay attention to treating each other fairly and helping each other. If love happens, it will be based on believing that both of you can continue to build a good relationship.

Your attitude should signal the other person that you will try to patiently work through each other's shortcomings. It won't be easy. Being tolerant and non-condemning is a challenge. But consciously making an effort to be tolerant goes a long way.

Build Upon What Is Good --

Find activities that you both like and do them together. These can be activities such as gardening, cooking, hobbies, conversation, recreation, an interest in art, charity volunteering, and family activities. Having interests that are shared, keeps a couple involved in each other's lives.

Share ideas to find ways to more enjoy living. Tell your sweetheart about strategies you use for such things as achieving goals and enjoying yourself. Tell each other about what you think is interesting, what is worthwhile, and what is encouraging. If you share positive ideas, you will think of each other as pleasant and enjoyable.

Encourage your partner to act and make decisions. Both of you will be able to accomplish more with the other's support and encouragement. When there is a disagreement, be patient. If you need to criticize, offer a positive alternative rather than a condemnation. Your encouragement likely will produce more good results than will your objections.

The good things in life are much more important than the disappointments. Reward yourself for the good in what you are doing and take some time to do what you enjoy.

Very good post, Lela. It's so true that if we have expectations of the other, we are bound to be disappointed. I've been through a marriage where the man didn't act like himself until after we were married, and then I discovered that he married me not for who I am, but for who he thought he could make me become. He had certain expectations that had nothing to do with reality, and he was very disappointed, as was I.

What is described in this writing you've posted is what a long term relationship or marriage should be built on, and what it should grow to become. I've had one of them, and I hold out hope of having another.

Thanks Sweetie, I had it once too in my long term marriage, and it did fail when communication and quality time together was lacking. And he got into drugs and cheated, looking for something that was missing I believe.

That last relationship I had where I moved away last fall to be with him, part of that problem for him was he knew even before I moved that I couldn't work and I could do just enough to take care of the home.

After I moved in he would get angry cause He thought I could help him with his landscape business. He thought also that he could change me. Well it wasn't something I could change. It wasn't about being lazy, I am a long ways from that. Well when I couldn't work with him, it all went down hill cause he had unreal expectations of me.

I had it in my last marriage, but sadly not for long. I am glad that we were wise enough to appreciate fully what we had for the short time we were given together. We didn't take what we had for granted for one moment, even when we didn't know how few the moments would be for us. That's a lesson I'll take into my next relationship. Live well, laugh often, love much. I learned to live, and love, full-tilt, and to be grateful for each and every moment I'm alive, and every single blessing I have in my life, no matter how small it may seem. Life, and love, are the ultimate gifts to me.

Well and you did take something very special besides memories from it, that is a very good thing.

Hey cool thanks for this. Good post. I'm surprised your post isn't getting more hits, instead the argumentative topics seem to be getting all the attention (like that one on polls and gangs from other sites, huh?). I thought dating forums were all about talking romance.

hump, another web myth bites the dust.

I was trying to say the expression hummmm up there^^^
I typoed hump instead. I didn't mean that.

That kind of stuff does take over the place, and yeah another myth that I also learned about.

I got what you meant. Now one of the guys if they had seen it wouldn't have, they would have had fun with it.