Infidelity taught me a spiritual lesson in self-respect; Anonymous ( Archived) (20)

Feb 7, 2009 5:59 PM CST Infidelity taught me a spiritual lesson in self-respect; Anonymous
HJFinAZ
HJFinAZHJFinAZSun CIty, Arizona USA870 Threads 1 Polls 17,068 Posts
After five and a half years of consistently working my Al Anon recovery, I found myself more angry and resentful than I had ever been. I had been lied to in a way that seemed incomprehensible: My seemingly committed and healthy relationship came to a screeching halt when I found out the man with whom I had been intimate for almost a year had been carrying on a committed relationship with another woman during our relationship.

My recovery has taught me to look for qualities and behaviors that support what I learn in Al Anon. I thought I had done that with this relationship, but I didn't detect his lies and deceit.

I found myself not only angry with this man but also with my Higher Power and myself for not having seen the truth. I now see that my Higher Power gives me what I can handle; all of my time in recovery was needed to handle this type of blow to my apparent reality.

My anger towards my Higher Power and myself lifted much more quickly than my anger towards this man. I felt that he owed me something--the truth, his own suffering--anything that could take away the awful feeling of disgust that lived within me.

After carrying this resentment for over two months, my Higher Power gave me the answer I needed. My Higher Power, speaking through three different women with strong Al Anon recovery, sent me the words "for fun and for free." The first time I heard them my ears perked up. The second time, I realized what they meant. The third time I realized how they applied to my life and to this situation.

Since I began this relationship with years of recovery under my belt and showed up to it without losing my recovery or myself, I realized that all of my love and kind actions had been given "for fun and for free". I listened to myself and acted from a place of self-love, and I cannot expect anything in return for my actions. This realization was so powerful for me because, in that moment, I realized this man doesn't owe me anything--not even honesty.

The knowledge that my Higher Power will help me face any situation I encounter allows me to give and love, "for fun and for free". I cannot control another persons behavior, but I can trust that when I act from a place of self-love, self-care, and self-respect, I will be able to let go of people and situations that do not support my recovery.
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Feb 7, 2009 6:23 PM CST Infidelity taught me a spiritual lesson in self-respect; Anonymous
thumbs up
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Feb 7, 2009 7:11 PM CST Infidelity taught me a spiritual lesson in self-respect; Anonymous
thumbs up I second that! Koolaidwine
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Feb 7, 2009 7:24 PM CST Infidelity taught me a spiritual lesson in self-respect; Anonymous
WhatUwish4
WhatUwish4WhatUwish4St. Augustine, Florida USA2 Threads 7,986 Posts
One of the worst consequences of living in a modern drive-by society is that we've forgotten much about the significance of spiritual matters. These days it's all about sticks and bricks and instant gratification, and nothing very little is publically said about what really nourishes the soul.

It usually takes a major personal crisis for people to start thinking with that kind of depth...which is fine, I suppose. But think how much more enriched all our lives would be if we actually devoted as much attention to "spirituality" as we do for, say, "Dancing With the Stars..." or celebrity gossip...
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Feb 7, 2009 7:26 PM CST Infidelity taught me a spiritual lesson in self-respect; Anonymous
loverboy690
loverboy690loverboy690East Jordan, Michigan USA84 Threads 7 Polls 3,729 Posts
WhatUwish4: One of the worst consequences of living in a modern drive-by society is that we've forgotten much about the significance of spiritual matters. These days it's all about sticks and bricks and instant gratification, and nothing very little is publically said about what really nourishes the soul.

It usually takes a major personal crisis for people to start thinking with that kind of depth...which is fine, I suppose. But think how much more enriched all our lives would be if we actually devoted as much attention to "spirituality" as we do for, say, "Dancing With the Stars..." or celebrity gossip...
well said Karen
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Feb 7, 2009 7:26 PM CST Infidelity taught me a spiritual lesson in self-respect; Anonymous
Indyfella
IndyfellaIndyfellaindianapolis, Indiana USA152 Threads 8 Polls 18,150 Posts
WhatUwish4: One of the worst consequences of living in a modern drive-by society is that we've forgotten much about the significance of spiritual matters. These days it's all about sticks and bricks and instant gratification, and nothing very little is publically said about what really nourishes the soul.

It usually takes a major personal crisis for people to start thinking with that kind of depth...which is fine, I suppose. But think how much more enriched all our lives would be if we actually devoted as much attention to "spirituality" as we do for, say, "Dancing With the Stars..." or celebrity gossip...


Very well stated. thumbs up
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Feb 7, 2009 7:28 PM CST Infidelity taught me a spiritual lesson in self-respect; Anonymous
WhatUwish4
WhatUwish4WhatUwish4St. Augustine, Florida USA2 Threads 7,986 Posts
Indyfella: Very well stated.


Evening Indy!


wave
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Feb 7, 2009 7:29 PM CST Infidelity taught me a spiritual lesson in self-respect; Anonymous
Indyfella
IndyfellaIndyfellaindianapolis, Indiana USA152 Threads 8 Polls 18,150 Posts
WhatUwish4: Evening Indy!



Hi Karen. Hope all is well. thumbs up
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Feb 7, 2009 7:35 PM CST Infidelity taught me a spiritual lesson in self-respect; Anonymous
WhatUwish4
WhatUwish4WhatUwish4St. Augustine, Florida USA2 Threads 7,986 Posts
Indyfella: Hi Karen. Hope all is well.


All is well here. You?

Hey...Go check out the country thread and read the lyrics to the song I posted. Don't know if you ever heard it, but it's really funny
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Feb 7, 2009 7:40 PM CST Infidelity taught me a spiritual lesson in self-respect; Anonymous
sassy49senior
sassy49seniorsassy49seniorItty Bitty, Nebraska USA274 Threads 4,632 Posts

How do we manage to find anyone to love and care for us
if we don't love and care for ourselves. Took me many
many years to realize, yes my husband, my kids, my family
were all people I loved and cared for, but damn where was
Linda in all this? I finally got down on my knees one
day when I happened to be alone in the barn and I just
started weeping. I had no idea why I was crying except
I was completely exhausted and felt worthless. I saw a
bright light shining down through the hay loft right in
my face and as I looked up I just started talking to my
creator. Was never taught anything about Him so had no idea
why I was even doing this but seemed the right thing to
do. Did things get better, no, did I learn that I was
worthy of being loved and cared fro, no. But it stays in
my memory because it was my first step towards my spiritual
life and learning I am an ok person. hug
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Feb 7, 2009 8:00 PM CST Infidelity taught me a spiritual lesson in self-respect; Anonymous
HJFinAZ
HJFinAZHJFinAZSun CIty, Arizona USA870 Threads 1 Polls 17,068 Posts
sassy49senior: How do we manage to find anyone to love and care for us
if we don't love and care for ourselves. Took me many
many years to realize, yes my husband, my kids, my family
were all people I loved and cared for, but damn where was
Linda in all this? I finally got down on my knees one
day when I happened to be alone in the barn and I just
started weeping. I had no idea why I was crying except
I was completely exhausted and felt worthless. I saw a
bright light shining down through the hay loft right in
my face and as I looked up I just started talking to my
creator. Was never taught anything about Him so had no idea
why I was even doing this but seemed the right thing to
do. Did things get better, no, did I learn that I was
worthy of being loved and cared fro, no. But it stays in
my memory because it was my first step towards my spiritual
life and learning I am an ok person.


Yes, young lady, you did learn something. Maybe you simply do not yet know what it is you have learned but you will be shown in due time.

NOBODY, is worthless, some think they are, others sometimes think they are, but they are NOT..grin
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Feb 7, 2009 8:11 PM CST Infidelity taught me a spiritual lesson in self-respect; Anonymous
bollywood
bollywoodbollywoodTRIVANDRUM, Kerala India53 Threads 2 Polls 973 Posts
thumbs up wave handshake
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Feb 7, 2009 8:22 PM CST Infidelity taught me a spiritual lesson in self-respect; Anonymous
sassy49senior
sassy49seniorsassy49seniorItty Bitty, Nebraska USA274 Threads 4,632 Posts
HJFinAZ: Just wait until they get OLD like me...




You are not old HJ You are just getting your second wind
at life, enjoy it while you can


If I have trouble sleeping tonight you will have a mail
hug
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Feb 7, 2009 8:27 PM CST Infidelity taught me a spiritual lesson in self-respect; Anonymous
HJFinAZ
HJFinAZHJFinAZSun CIty, Arizona USA870 Threads 1 Polls 17,068 Posts
sassy49senior: You are not old HJ You are just getting your second wind
at life, enjoy it while you can If I have trouble sleeping tonight you will have a mail


It may not get read until tomorrow morning. Sleeping is something I seem to have no problem doing..sigh

But then, a qualifying race for next Sundays Daytona 500 is on right now..banana banana
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Feb 7, 2009 8:29 PM CST Infidelity taught me a spiritual lesson in self-respect; Anonymous
WhatUwish4
WhatUwish4WhatUwish4St. Augustine, Florida USA2 Threads 7,986 Posts
HJFinAZ: Yes, young lady, you did learn something. Maybe you simply do not yet know what it is you have learned but you will be shown in due time.

NOBODY, is worthless, some think they are, others sometimes think they are, but they are NOT..


Indeed I did, and I'll be processing for the rest of my life.
hug
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Feb 7, 2009 8:31 PM CST Infidelity taught me a spiritual lesson in self-respect; Anonymous
sassy49senior
sassy49seniorsassy49seniorItty Bitty, Nebraska USA274 Threads 4,632 Posts
HJFinAZ: It may not get read until tomorrow morning. Sleeping is something I seem to have no problem doing..

But then, a qualifying race for next Sundays Daytona 500 is on right now..



We had such awesome spring like weather today that there
were 2 on the race track testing. Ours will not begin
until April yay cheering
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Feb 7, 2009 9:25 PM CST Infidelity taught me a spiritual lesson in self-respect; Anonymous
HJFinAZ: After five and a half years of consistently working my Al Anon recovery, I found myself more angry and resentful than I had ever been. I had been lied to in a way that seemed incomprehensible: My seemingly committed and healthy relationship came to a screeching halt when I found out the man with whom I had been intimate for almost a year had been carrying on a committed relationship with another woman during our relationship.

My recovery has taught me to look for qualities and behaviors that support what I learn in Al Anon. I thought I had done that with this relationship, but I didn't detect his lies and deceit.

I found myself not only angry with this man but also with my Higher Power and myself for not having seen the truth. I now see that my Higher Power gives me what I can handle; all of my time in recovery was needed to handle this type of blow to my apparent reality.

My anger towards my Higher Power and myself lifted much more quickly than my anger towards this man. I felt that he owed me something--the truth, his own suffering--anything that could take away the awful feeling of disgust that lived within me.

After carrying this resentment for over two months, my Higher Power gave me the answer I needed. My Higher Power, speaking through three different women with strong Al Anon recovery, sent me the words "for fun and for free." The first time I heard them my ears perked up. The second time, I realized what they meant. The third time I realized how they applied to my life and to this situation.

Since I began this relationship with years of recovery under my belt and showed up to it without losing my recovery or myself, I realized that all of my love and kind actions had been given "for fun and for free". I listened to myself and acted from a place of self-love, and I cannot expect anything in return for my actions. This realization was so powerful for me because, in that moment, I realized this man doesn't owe me anything--not even honesty.

The knowledge that my Higher Power will help me face any situation I encounter allows me to give and love, "for fun and for free". I cannot control another persons behavior, but I can trust that when I act from a place of self-love, self-care, and self-respect, I will be able to let go of people and situations that do not support my recovery.
thumbs up thumbs up hug hug
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Feb 7, 2009 11:14 PM CST Infidelity taught me a spiritual lesson in self-respect; Anonymous
druidess6308
druidess6308druidess6308Aliquippa, Pennsylvania USA79 Threads 13,695 Posts
Since I began this relationship with years of recovery under my belt and showed up to it without losing my recovery or myself, I realized that all of my love and kind actions had been given "for fun and for free". I listened to myself and acted from a place of self-love, and I cannot expect anything in return for my actions. This realization was so powerful for me because, in that moment, I realized this man doesn't owe me anything--not even honesty.

The knowledge that my Higher Power will help me face any situation I encounter allows me to give and love, "for fun and for free". I cannot control another persons behavior, but I can trust that when I act from a place of self-love, self-care, and self-respect, I will be able to let go of people and situations that do not support my recovery.


Pat, that is so true. Until we love ourselves, we cannot love another. You can't give what you don't have. And no, we can't control another, only ourselves. Nobody owes us anything, it's all a gift...love, honesty, trust, respect...these are all gifts that should be appreciated when they are given to us by another, and yet so many fail to appreciate them.

I have learned never to let a day go by without appreciating all of the wonderful gifts that have been given me, and those of love and friendship are definitely foremost amongst them.

hug wine
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Feb 7, 2009 11:17 PM CST Infidelity taught me a spiritual lesson in self-respect; Anonymous
WhatUwish4
WhatUwish4WhatUwish4St. Augustine, Florida USA2 Threads 7,986 Posts
"Pat, that is so true. Until we love ourselves, we cannot love another. You can't give what you don't have. And no, we can't control another, only ourselves. Nobody owes us anything, it's all a gift...love, honesty, trust, respect...these are all gifts that should be appreciated when they are given to us by another, and yet so many fail to appreciate them.

I have learned never to let a day go by without appreciating all of the wonderful gifts that have been given me, and those of love and friendship are definitely foremost amongst them."


Here Here
wine

hug
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Feb 8, 2009 8:31 AM CST Infidelity taught me a spiritual lesson in self-respect; Anonymous
HJFinAZ
HJFinAZHJFinAZSun CIty, Arizona USA870 Threads 1 Polls 17,068 Posts
Where have all the ones that have been whining because another cheated on them gone?confused

sigh
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