After five and a half years of consistently working my Al Anon recovery, I found myself more angry and resentful than I had ever been. I had been lied to in a way that seemed incomprehensible: My seemingly committed and healthy relationship came to a screeching halt when I found out the man with whom I had been intimate for almost a year had been carrying on a committed relationship with another woman during our relationship.
My recovery has taught me to look for qualities and behaviors that support what I learn in Al Anon. I thought I had done that with this relationship, but I didn't detect his lies and deceit.
I found myself not only angry with this man but also with my Higher Power and myself for not having seen the truth. I now see that my Higher Power gives me what I can handle; all of my time in recovery was needed to handle this type of blow to my apparent reality.
My anger towards my Higher Power and myself lifted much more quickly than my anger towards this man. I felt that he owed me something--the truth, his own suffering--anything that could take away the awful feeling of disgust that lived within me.
After carrying this resentment for over two months, my Higher Power gave me the answer I needed. My Higher Power, speaking through three different women with strong Al Anon recovery, sent me the words "for fun and for free." The first time I heard them my ears perked up. The second time, I realized what they meant. The third time I realized how they applied to my life and to this situation.
Since I began this relationship with years of recovery under my belt and showed up to it without losing my recovery or myself, I realized that all of my love and kind actions had been given "for fun and for free". I listened to myself and acted from a place of self-love, and I cannot expect anything in return for my actions. This realization was so powerful for me because, in that moment, I realized this man doesn't owe me anything--not even honesty.
The knowledge that my Higher Power will help me face any situation I encounter allows me to give and love, "for fun and for free". I cannot control another persons behavior, but I can trust that when I act from a place of self-love, self-care, and self-respect, I will be able to let go of people and situations that do not support my recovery.
One of the worst consequences of living in a modern drive-by society is that we've forgotten much about the significance of spiritual matters. These days it's all about sticks and bricks and instant gratification, and nothing very little is publically said about what really nourishes the soul.
It usually takes a major personal crisis for people to start thinking with that kind of depth...which is fine, I suppose. But think how much more enriched all our lives would be if we actually devoted as much attention to "spirituality" as we do for, say, "Dancing With the Stars..." or celebrity gossip...
WhatUwish4: One of the worst consequences of living in a modern drive-by society is that we've forgotten much about the significance of spiritual matters. These days it's all about sticks and bricks and instant gratification, and nothing very little is publically said about what really nourishes the soul.
It usually takes a major personal crisis for people to start thinking with that kind of depth...which is fine, I suppose. But think how much more enriched all our lives would be if we actually devoted as much attention to "spirituality" as we do for, say, "Dancing With the Stars..." or celebrity gossip...
WhatUwish4: One of the worst consequences of living in a modern drive-by society is that we've forgotten much about the significance of spiritual matters. These days it's all about sticks and bricks and instant gratification, and nothing very little is publically said about what really nourishes the soul.
It usually takes a major personal crisis for people to start thinking with that kind of depth...which is fine, I suppose. But think how much more enriched all our lives would be if we actually devoted as much attention to "spirituality" as we do for, say, "Dancing With the Stars..." or celebrity gossip...
How do we manage to find anyone to love and care for us if we don't love and care for ourselves. Took me many many years to realize, yes my husband, my kids, my family were all people I loved and cared for, but damn where was Linda in all this? I finally got down on my knees one day when I happened to be alone in the barn and I just started weeping. I had no idea why I was crying except I was completely exhausted and felt worthless. I saw a bright light shining down through the hay loft right in my face and as I looked up I just started talking to my creator. Was never taught anything about Him so had no idea why I was even doing this but seemed the right thing to do. Did things get better, no, did I learn that I was worthy of being loved and cared fro, no. But it stays in my memory because it was my first step towards my spiritual life and learning I am an ok person.
sassy49senior: How do we manage to find anyone to love and care for us if we don't love and care for ourselves. Took me many many years to realize, yes my husband, my kids, my family were all people I loved and cared for, but damn where was Linda in all this? I finally got down on my knees one day when I happened to be alone in the barn and I just started weeping. I had no idea why I was crying except I was completely exhausted and felt worthless. I saw a bright light shining down through the hay loft right in my face and as I looked up I just started talking to my creator. Was never taught anything about Him so had no idea why I was even doing this but seemed the right thing to do. Did things get better, no, did I learn that I was worthy of being loved and cared fro, no. But it stays in my memory because it was my first step towards my spiritual life and learning I am an ok person.
Yes, young lady, you did learn something. Maybe you simply do not yet know what it is you have learned but you will be shown in due time.
NOBODY, is worthless, some think they are, others sometimes think they are, but they are NOT..
sassy49senior: You are not old HJ You are just getting your second wind at life, enjoy it while you can If I have trouble sleeping tonight you will have a mail
It may not get read until tomorrow morning. Sleeping is something I seem to have no problem doing..
But then, a qualifying race for next Sundays Daytona 500 is on right now..
HJFinAZ: After five and a half years of consistently working my Al Anon recovery, I found myself more angry and resentful than I had ever been. I had been lied to in a way that seemed incomprehensible: My seemingly committed and healthy relationship came to a screeching halt when I found out the man with whom I had been intimate for almost a year had been carrying on a committed relationship with another woman during our relationship.
My recovery has taught me to look for qualities and behaviors that support what I learn in Al Anon. I thought I had done that with this relationship, but I didn't detect his lies and deceit.
I found myself not only angry with this man but also with my Higher Power and myself for not having seen the truth. I now see that my Higher Power gives me what I can handle; all of my time in recovery was needed to handle this type of blow to my apparent reality.
My anger towards my Higher Power and myself lifted much more quickly than my anger towards this man. I felt that he owed me something--the truth, his own suffering--anything that could take away the awful feeling of disgust that lived within me.
After carrying this resentment for over two months, my Higher Power gave me the answer I needed. My Higher Power, speaking through three different women with strong Al Anon recovery, sent me the words "for fun and for free." The first time I heard them my ears perked up. The second time, I realized what they meant. The third time I realized how they applied to my life and to this situation.
Since I began this relationship with years of recovery under my belt and showed up to it without losing my recovery or myself, I realized that all of my love and kind actions had been given "for fun and for free". I listened to myself and acted from a place of self-love, and I cannot expect anything in return for my actions. This realization was so powerful for me because, in that moment, I realized this man doesn't owe me anything--not even honesty.
The knowledge that my Higher Power will help me face any situation I encounter allows me to give and love, "for fun and for free". I cannot control another persons behavior, but I can trust that when I act from a place of self-love, self-care, and self-respect, I will be able to let go of people and situations that do not support my recovery.
Since I began this relationship with years of recovery under my belt and showed up to it without losing my recovery or myself, I realized that all of my love and kind actions had been given "for fun and for free". I listened to myself and acted from a place of self-love, and I cannot expect anything in return for my actions. This realization was so powerful for me because, in that moment, I realized this man doesn't owe me anything--not even honesty.
The knowledge that my Higher Power will help me face any situation I encounter allows me to give and love, "for fun and for free". I cannot control another persons behavior, but I can trust that when I act from a place of self-love, self-care, and self-respect, I will be able to let go of people and situations that do not support my recovery.
Pat, that is so true. Until we love ourselves, we cannot love another. You can't give what you don't have. And no, we can't control another, only ourselves. Nobody owes us anything, it's all a gift...love, honesty, trust, respect...these are all gifts that should be appreciated when they are given to us by another, and yet so many fail to appreciate them.
I have learned never to let a day go by without appreciating all of the wonderful gifts that have been given me, and those of love and friendship are definitely foremost amongst them.
"Pat, that is so true. Until we love ourselves, we cannot love another. You can't give what you don't have. And no, we can't control another, only ourselves. Nobody owes us anything, it's all a gift...love, honesty, trust, respect...these are all gifts that should be appreciated when they are given to us by another, and yet so many fail to appreciate them.
I have learned never to let a day go by without appreciating all of the wonderful gifts that have been given me, and those of love and friendship are definitely foremost amongst them."
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My recovery has taught me to look for qualities and behaviors that support what I learn in Al Anon. I thought I had done that with this relationship, but I didn't detect his lies and deceit.
I found myself not only angry with this man but also with my Higher Power and myself for not having seen the truth. I now see that my Higher Power gives me what I can handle; all of my time in recovery was needed to handle this type of blow to my apparent reality.
My anger towards my Higher Power and myself lifted much more quickly than my anger towards this man. I felt that he owed me something--the truth, his own suffering--anything that could take away the awful feeling of disgust that lived within me.
After carrying this resentment for over two months, my Higher Power gave me the answer I needed. My Higher Power, speaking through three different women with strong Al Anon recovery, sent me the words "for fun and for free." The first time I heard them my ears perked up. The second time, I realized what they meant. The third time I realized how they applied to my life and to this situation.
Since I began this relationship with years of recovery under my belt and showed up to it without losing my recovery or myself, I realized that all of my love and kind actions had been given "for fun and for free". I listened to myself and acted from a place of self-love, and I cannot expect anything in return for my actions. This realization was so powerful for me because, in that moment, I realized this man doesn't owe me anything--not even honesty.
The knowledge that my Higher Power will help me face any situation I encounter allows me to give and love, "for fun and for free". I cannot control another persons behavior, but I can trust that when I act from a place of self-love, self-care, and self-respect, I will be able to let go of people and situations that do not support my recovery.