Move on get over it. (30)

I think that 'have been hurt in past' can quite easily be an excuse. Sure there are people who have gone through the trauma of betrayal and no doubt that can keep an individual cautious, and most of all probably damaged their self-value feeling. Circumstances like that I can imagine can cause long lasting issues, but.. I also do believe there are plenty out there who just do not wish to commit, because commitment means responsibility. Serial dating can even lead to addiction. Like having a new toy as a child, but then also growing bored of it fast if the child is raised with an overflow of toys.

I personally believe the only truly impossible to overcome thing is if you have loved another really deeply and felt you belonged for definite, but lost that other as in they are no longer in this world.
In a way that is what I have experienced and I can not commit due to that. I have tried over and over but realized now it is of no use, so I am not going there anymore. I belong to someone else already, whether he is in this world or not, and that's just that.

People who say they want relationships though, but then pull the previous hurt card, I'd advice caution around. Either they are truthful, but then obviously still need time (just stay a caring friend to them then), or they might be lying, including to their own selves, as in truth they just want to keep chasing and have no wish to commit.

I think I need revise that a tiny bit, what I wrote about the only true issue being if one has loved so deeply and felt one belonged for good..

Think what it comes down to is the level of intimacy. The link I posted up in that other thread about falling in love, deals with that sort of too.

If we have managed to achieve a very high level of intimacy with someone else already, but then lose that, it can get almost impossible to go there again. And I am not talking physical intimacy as in our current society that is a farce. We sleep around plentiful, there is no intimacy involved anymore, no knowing and being known on a deep level. Intimacy means trust, it means to know and to be known. It grows and creates a strong bond, and I think those who make it through a life time of marriage, like my parents did, have that deep level of intimacy. They sure had rough times and almost broke apart, but what kept them bound was intimacy. They knew to achieve that level once more, they'd have to invest a lot of time and effort, with a risk of not ever getting there again.

People do not wish to be alone for a whole array of reasons, but same time few in this new world wish to truly work towards intimacy anymore, I think, or maybe it has become harder due to modern life, dunno. We all long for it, or most of us do, I believe, but either we do not know how to go about it anymore, or we shy away from it for other reasons