If someone wants to move in (16)
i think that your third option makes the most sense. It is much more difficult to undo a "move-in" situation.
always best to take your time and get to know the person, before any major decisions are made. of course, this is just my opinion.
always best to take your time and get to know the person, before any major decisions are made. of course, this is just my opinion.
That would scare me,1 month wow!!!!i'm not sure i would run for the hills, but there wouldn't be 1 peice of clothing come in,without doing #3 put the brakes on,and get to know that person,too fast,she knew alot to have done this in the first place,hold back just a bit, it's too bad, because at this point you probably can't even be friends,you are generous and nice,please don't wear your heart on your sleeve,and don't ever give up,just use this as a guide,love does not hurry,not selfish,or rude,everyone has a story to tell,some get lucky, some get hurt,it sucks,good luck in the future all the best to you 
Usually there's a motive, or hidden agenda when someone wants to move in so quickly. I would be cautious about financial, legal and other personal things that aren't brought up. Being lonely and wanting to live with someone is normal but can also be a sign that the individual has limited coping skills and (perhaps) dependent on someone else for their happyness.
Yes this was way too fast for me. I knew and wanted to take my time. I was still in step 2 in relationship development. (will learn to love this person? Can I live with this person for the rest of my life?) And it was way too early to answer these questions.I also had no experiance in relationships. Yes this was the first time I had a relationship of some lenght. Than some one bulldozes her way in and I was way too slow to re-act.
Am I sorry I met her? (no)
Will this happen a second time? (hopefully I learned from this experiance)
I am not bitter or angry. I am still friendly with her. And she is still clinging to the hope that I will change my mind. (not going to happen)
I am back on CS, because I am moving on with my life, and searhing for some one, who is compatible with me. But that is the purpose of dating. It is part of the search for a lifetime mate.
Am I sorry I met her? (no)
Will this happen a second time? (hopefully I learned from this experiance)
I am not bitter or angry. I am still friendly with her. And she is still clinging to the hope that I will change my mind. (not going to happen)
I am back on CS, because I am moving on with my life, and searhing for some one, who is compatible with me. But that is the purpose of dating. It is part of the search for a lifetime mate.
How fast can u run?
Seriously though...not a good situation...has me thinking of obsessional behavior?
Had it happen to a friend and now by law...he can't kick her out and has to go to court to get her evicted
Seriously though...not a good situation...has me thinking of obsessional behavior?
Had it happen to a friend and now by law...he can't kick her out and has to go to court to get her evicted
In response to: You have met someone online, you eventaully meet in person and like him/her enough to continue dating. Now without your permission, a month later that person sells their house, quits their job and beginns to move in with you. What would you do?
1) Welcome the move.
2) Become a stunned dear, and allow the move to happen.
3) Put the brakes on, saying I want to take the time to get to you better, than and only than can you move in.
4) Run for the hills, and end the relationship immediately.
I am asking this, because a recent experiance, I have had this happen to me. And I became the stunned dear. Even helped her to move in. I didn't know her well, and didn't know if I would learn to love her. Eventaully, after taking 5 months I decided that that this person was not for me. And noticed that there was no love for this person developing in me. At this point I told her she had to leave. And she has.
I have learned a valuable lesson.
I would be interested, in others experiances in this matter.
1) Welcome the move.
2) Become a stunned dear, and allow the move to happen.
3) Put the brakes on, saying I want to take the time to get to you better, than and only than can you move in.
4) Run for the hills, and end the relationship immediately.
I am asking this, because a recent experiance, I have had this happen to me. And I became the stunned dear. Even helped her to move in. I didn't know her well, and didn't know if I would learn to love her. Eventaully, after taking 5 months I decided that that this person was not for me. And noticed that there was no love for this person developing in me. At this point I told her she had to leave. And she has.
I have learned a valuable lesson.
I would be interested, in others experiances in this matter.
I am going to say what comes naturally. She was moving too fast because she knew you didn't have much experience. She was going to control you and keep you on a short leash, which in the mean time your life would become a living hell and then you move out of your own home. I don't think I would like someone doing that to me either. So learn from this but don't let it scare you away from well intentioned people.
It is not so much the wanting to move in that would bother me, but selling her house (what if it did not work out), quiting her job (she expected you to pay for everything), now that is what would have had me saying no way.
kitty01: It is not so much the wanting to move in that would bother me, but selling her house (what if it did not work out), quiting her job (she expected you to pay for everything), now that is what would have had me saying no way.
Well it didn't work out for her. Now she had to find another place to live. And she has to find a job again. Plus the moving expence. She brought this on herself, as I didn't ask her to move in. It was my truck and trailer plus fuel, that got her moved in , but it was her expence to hire a moving co. to move all her stuff out. She did have a pension cheque coming in to help pay for living expences. It wasn't intirally one way, but it might have become that way in the future.
And she did try a lot of the guilt stuff on me. (it didn't work)
Honestly, I can't see eye to eye with most of the responses, nor can I see a pathology in what you've described...
I think that each of us has their own personality and needs. While some poeple seem in a hurry, others on the other hand take too much time and eventually lose motivation.
How many times in your life have you crossed someone on the street and just knew from the way he or she smiled that they were the right person for you but didn't dare say something?
Can we in our hearts say that time is a factor that creates genuine love or even that it should or should'nt be a factor at all.
Maybe for this woman you were the right stuff and the timing for her was the right one, who are we to judge.....?
The fact that you've let her walk in to your life and all over you says more about you than it does her. I think that when someone takes control over our life it is up to us to take back the control....if you didn't love her why in the world would you let her waltz into your life without saying a thing....?
Too often we blame the other for our shortcomings, it is so much simpler to say that things are done to us than to see what we do or have done.
Anyways, just thought i'd put my 5 cents worth in the conversation.... take care
I think that each of us has their own personality and needs. While some poeple seem in a hurry, others on the other hand take too much time and eventually lose motivation.
How many times in your life have you crossed someone on the street and just knew from the way he or she smiled that they were the right person for you but didn't dare say something?
Can we in our hearts say that time is a factor that creates genuine love or even that it should or should'nt be a factor at all.
Maybe for this woman you were the right stuff and the timing for her was the right one, who are we to judge.....?
The fact that you've let her walk in to your life and all over you says more about you than it does her. I think that when someone takes control over our life it is up to us to take back the control....if you didn't love her why in the world would you let her waltz into your life without saying a thing....?
Too often we blame the other for our shortcomings, it is so much simpler to say that things are done to us than to see what we do or have done.
Anyways, just thought i'd put my 5 cents worth in the conversation.... take care
I never said I was guiltless in this matter. My mistake is that, I allowed this situation to happen, and even helped her move in, before I was ready. Yes I was stunned for awhile wondering, what the hell just happened. But eventually, I came to my sences, and than I took the time to get to know her and decide do I really want her. (5 months). With her moving in, the time it took to reject her as a lifetime mate, probably speeded up. But I think the answer would have been the same. The answer would still have been (no, this one is not for me.) But with her moving in, things became more difficult and complicated for both people involved. I don't blame her for my mistakes, I do blame my lack of experiance. I do fault her, for rushing me, and not respecting my need for taking time, to make such an important decision. And yes, I have found, that is always wiser for me to take time, and do some homework, before making any important decision. I even do that with my farming and ranching, and I have much more experiance there. And I don't work well or faster under pressure.
Psycri: Honestly, I can't see eye to eye with most of the responses, nor can I see a pathology in what you've described...
I think that each of us has their own personality and needs. While some poeple seem in a hurry, others on the other hand take too much time and eventually lose motivation.
How many times in your life have you crossed someone on the street and just knew from the way he or she smiled that they were the right person for you but didn't dare say something?
Can we in our hearts say that time is a factor that creates genuine love or even that it should or should'nt be a factor at all.
Maybe for this woman you were the right stuff and the timing for her was the right one, who are we to judge.....?
The fact that you've let her walk in to your life and all over you says more about you than it does her. I think that when someone takes control over our life it is up to us to take back the control....if you didn't love her why in the world would you let her waltz into your life without saying a thing....?
Too often we blame the other for our shortcomings, it is so much simpler to say that things are done to us than to see what we do or have done.
Anyways, just thought i'd put my 5 cents worth in the conversation.... take care
I think that each of us has their own personality and needs. While some poeple seem in a hurry, others on the other hand take too much time and eventually lose motivation.
How many times in your life have you crossed someone on the street and just knew from the way he or she smiled that they were the right person for you but didn't dare say something?
Can we in our hearts say that time is a factor that creates genuine love or even that it should or should'nt be a factor at all.
Maybe for this woman you were the right stuff and the timing for her was the right one, who are we to judge.....?
The fact that you've let her walk in to your life and all over you says more about you than it does her. I think that when someone takes control over our life it is up to us to take back the control....if you didn't love her why in the world would you let her waltz into your life without saying a thing....?
Too often we blame the other for our shortcomings, it is so much simpler to say that things are done to us than to see what we do or have done.
Anyways, just thought i'd put my 5 cents worth in the conversation.... take care
Very true. We are only responsible for ourselves and our actions/or in-actions. This just reminds me of my work situation wherein no one wants to take responsibility, they complain that others caused them to make mistakes etc. instead of owning up to their actions. They want to blame someone who is "in charge" - frankly we all are in charge and its a matter of thinking for oneself. Stop blaming others and be accountable for yourself.
Psycri: How many times in your life have you crossed someone on the street and just knew from the way he or she smiled that they were the right person for you but didn't dare say something?
ummmmm........never?
Psycri: The fact that you've let her walk in to your life and all over you says more about you than it does her. I think that when someone takes control over our life it is up to us to take back the control....if you didn't love her why in the world would you let her waltz into your life without saying a thing....?
Too often we blame the other for our shortcomings, it is so much simpler to say that things are done to us than to see what we do or have done.
Anyways, just thought i'd put my 5 cents worth in the conversation.... take care
Too often we blame the other for our shortcomings, it is so much simpler to say that things are done to us than to see what we do or have done.
Anyways, just thought i'd put my 5 cents worth in the conversation.... take care
agreed
i wonder though ,,,ppl that play hard to get somtimes dont get got
Jesus Christ .. you raise beef for a living at a quick glance .. let her move in for a trial period .. get married and live happily ever afterr.
Aww Loner, I am so sorry that things went wrong for you...so wrong. The only thing I can say as look at it as an experience; not all bad, not all good and one that left you with a hard lesson or two. Because of life's circumstances, you learned a hard lesson a little later in life than most, but no worries, there are plenty of us humans out here that keep making the same mistakes over and over ( sign of insanity, they say) Anyways, own it and learn for it and then put it away, if you know what I mean. There may be a woman out there who you are going to meet and it will be magical and real and you will want her to move in real quick, because in your heart you will know. Please don't let this experience ruin the opportunity for a great love....
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1) Welcome the move.
2) Become a stunned dear, and allow the move to happen.
3) Put the brakes on, saying I want to take the time to get to you better, than and only than can you move in.
4) Run for the hills, and end the relationship immediately.
I am asking this, because a recent experiance, I have had this happen to me. And I became the stunned dear. Even helped her to move in. I didn't know her well, and didn't know if I would learn to love her. Eventaully, after taking 5 months I decided that that this person was not for me. And noticed that there was no love for this person developing in me. At this point I told her she had to leave. And she has.
I have learned a valuable lesson.
I would be interested, in others experiances in this matter.