Do Your Standards Drop With Time? (27)
wikked: I think we can all agree that what we wanted at 20 is not what we may want at 30, is not what we may want at 40...
My question is the longer you remain single, do you find that the "ideals" you once had in mind for your mate begin to dwindle?
Does the list get shorter? What about "mistakes" in your past experiences...what you may have made a big deal about back then, no longer seems so important an issue now?
I am not suggesting that your "moral standards" have dropped...but moreso the "needs" in a partner...
My question is the longer you remain single, do you find that the "ideals" you once had in mind for your mate begin to dwindle?
Does the list get shorter? What about "mistakes" in your past experiences...what you may have made a big deal about back then, no longer seems so important an issue now?
I am not suggesting that your "moral standards" have dropped...but moreso the "needs" in a partner...
Speaking from a background of three marriages, two ending with the unfortunate demise of my partner, the other in a messy divorce, I find that my standards have risen. I don't expect perfection, but it will take a good woman to corner me the next time around.
The ideals have proven unrealistic. The standards, on the other hand, have risen.
I agree with you. If your standards drop, could it be out of desparation? or a need?
In my case I have gone through a 'bumpy' divorce many moons ago and my standards are high, but for a reason....I know the right one for me will surface.....no sence of wasting anyone's time with just a fantasy....
In my case I have gone through a 'bumpy' divorce many moons ago and my standards are high, but for a reason....I know the right one for me will surface.....no sence of wasting anyone's time with just a fantasy....
wikked: I think we can all agree that what we wanted at 20 is not what we may want at 30, is not what we may want at 40...
My question is the longer you remain single, do you find that the "ideals" you once had in mind for your mate begin to dwindle?
Does the list get shorter? What about "mistakes" in your past experiences...what you may have made a big deal about back then, no longer seems so important an issue now?
I am not suggesting that your "moral standards" have dropped...but moreso the "needs" in a partner...
My question is the longer you remain single, do you find that the "ideals" you once had in mind for your mate begin to dwindle?
Does the list get shorter? What about "mistakes" in your past experiences...what you may have made a big deal about back then, no longer seems so important an issue now?
I am not suggesting that your "moral standards" have dropped...but moreso the "needs" in a partner...
Well, honey, if your fulfilling your own dreams and goals, your standards will surely heighten. Keep it on with achieving your personal desires and dreams that satisfies and builds your self-esteem and self confidence; and your surely going to find your counterpart. In all respects, every being deserves the universe, it's just tapping into it that's the challenge
Keep on with the SELF-FULFILLING part and your on your way to building a good life for yourSELF&familia ahead 
ant a hell o a lot of sense getting tore up these days my standards werent great even wnen i was 20/30/4050 60 ...and not now either
lesoleil89: The ideals have proven unrealistic. The standards, on the other hand, have risen.
I'm no longer a dreamer about what my ideal partner should be. Have I lowered my expectations? Definitely not!! I have made my expectations more realistic, but I will not accept being treated with less respect. I do expect honesty and will not let someone try to control or manipulate me. I am less tolerant for certain types of behavior, like things I put up with when I was younger and with the ex.
The person I am with, should be who they are, just as I should be allowed to be who I am. Every couple goes through some adjustments the first year or two, but have you ever noticed many couples that have been together for years go through adjustments and changes but over come them? In some ways I am more open to widening my expectations as long as he respects me, is loyal and is someone I can trust. If he does not have any of the red flags that warn me he can not be trusted, negative or is abusive, is not irresponsible with money, addictions etc, those are some things I look for first. What I see in their eyes, body language, what are they really saying, or not saying are things I have learned to read.
If a male complains the house is not clean enough, food not good enough, guess what ... I work full time, look after aging parents, if he does not like it, he can bloody well get off his duff do the cleaning, and or cooking. If he still complains, he can leave by the door he came in.
When I was younger I would not have ever chosen someone like Brian, but life has taught me to open my eyes and look for a better person, not for the little list of must haves I used to look for.
If I had not grown up and learned from my past mistake. I would not have someone that is there for me, for my parents, his mother, my sons and daughter, etc, if I had not changed. I'm not afraid of him and I am allowed to say, act or do with out him trying to change or turn it into a negative. Is everything perfect ... don't think so, but what in life is perfect?
KHD100: I'm no longer a dreamer about what my ideal partner should be. Have I lowered my expectations? Definitely not!! I have made my expectations more realistic, but I will not accept being treated with less respect. I do expect honesty and will not let someone try to control or manipulate me. I am less tolerant for certain types of behavior, like things I put up with when I was younger and with the ex.
The person I am with, should be who they are, just as I should be allowed to be who I am. Every couple goes through some adjustments the first year or two, but have you ever noticed many couples that have been together for years go through adjustments and changes but over come them? In some ways I am more open to widening my expectations as long as he respects me, is loyal and is someone I can trust. If he does not have any of the red flags that warn me he can not be trusted, negative or is abusive, is not irresponsible with money, addictions etc, those are some things I look for first. What I see in their eyes, body language, what are they really saying, or not saying are things I have learned to read.
If a male complains the house is not clean enough, food not good enough, guess what ... I work full time, look after aging parents, if he does not like it, he can bloody well get off his duff do the cleaning, and or cooking. If he still complains, he can leave by the door he came in.
When I was younger I would not have ever chosen someone like Brian, but life has taught me to open my eyes and look for a better person, not for the little list of must haves I used to look for.
If I had not grown up and learned from my past mistake. I would not have someone that is there for me, for my parents, his mother, my sons and daughter, etc, if I had not changed. I'm not afraid of him and I am allowed to say, act or do with out him trying to change or turn it into a negative. Is everything perfect ... don't think so, but what in life is perfect?
The person I am with, should be who they are, just as I should be allowed to be who I am. Every couple goes through some adjustments the first year or two, but have you ever noticed many couples that have been together for years go through adjustments and changes but over come them? In some ways I am more open to widening my expectations as long as he respects me, is loyal and is someone I can trust. If he does not have any of the red flags that warn me he can not be trusted, negative or is abusive, is not irresponsible with money, addictions etc, those are some things I look for first. What I see in their eyes, body language, what are they really saying, or not saying are things I have learned to read.
If a male complains the house is not clean enough, food not good enough, guess what ... I work full time, look after aging parents, if he does not like it, he can bloody well get off his duff do the cleaning, and or cooking. If he still complains, he can leave by the door he came in.
When I was younger I would not have ever chosen someone like Brian, but life has taught me to open my eyes and look for a better person, not for the little list of must haves I used to look for.
If I had not grown up and learned from my past mistake. I would not have someone that is there for me, for my parents, his mother, my sons and daughter, etc, if I had not changed. I'm not afraid of him and I am allowed to say, act or do with out him trying to change or turn it into a negative. Is everything perfect ... don't think so, but what in life is perfect?
Face it Kim, you can't lower your standards when they're already scraping rock bottom
Brew01: Face it Kim, you can't lower your standards when they're already scraping rock bottom
Brew, I was almost ready to forgive you being a Ti-Cats fan!!
Trucker: Lighten up romulus this is an on going thing between Kim and Brew they have known each other for a long time and this a normal thing between them
Not trying to be a heavy. In viewing the forums, I have come to respect a few people here, Kim, Brew, and you high on the list. I know none of you personally, and until now thought all of you had a good sense of humor.
romulus1950: Not trying to be a heavy. In viewing the forums, I have come to respect a few people here, Kim, Brew, and you high on the list. I know none of you personally, and until now thought all of you had a good sense of humor.
It's all just in good clean fun, Kim knows I'm never serious
(Afterall, you have to be especially nice to those drunken irish)
Brew01: It's all just in good clean fun, Kim knows I'm never serious
(Afterall, you have to be especially nice to those drunken irish)
(Afterall, you have to be especially nice to those drunken irish)
Ummm Trucker ... question for you... do you still have that heavy caste iron frying pan???... the really really large one???
If so, could you use it on a certain person's head. I'm getting the impression he needs you to give him another adjustment ... or 3 or 5.
KHD100: Ummm Trucker ... question for you... do you still have that heavy caste iron frying pan???... the really really large one???
If so, could you use it on a certain person's head. I'm getting the impression he needs you to give him another adjustment ... or 3 or 5.
If so, could you use it on a certain person's head. I'm getting the impression he needs you to give him another adjustment ... or 3 or 5.
Do you mean the one that is about two inches thick and the size of a very large dinner plate,yep I keep it handy for just times like this when Brew needs to be put on the straight and narrow again.It is a done deal I will bash him three or four times and just maybe some thing will sink in, but with him I really doubt it very much.
Brew01: It's all just in good clean fun, Kim knows I'm never serious
(Afterall, you have to be especially nice to those drunken irish)
(Afterall, you have to be especially nice to those drunken irish)
I still wonder about Truckers sense of humor.
I have to say that at times I get tired of not meeting the man with all the qualifications but it only takes one meeting with a lesser man to put me on track lol
wikked:
I think we can all agree that what we wanted at 20 is not what we may want at 30, is not what we may want at 40...
My question is the longer you remain single, do you find that the "ideals" you once had in mind for your mate begin to dwindle?
Does the list get shorter? What about "mistakes" in your past experiences...what you may have made a big deal about back then, no longer seems so important an issue now?
I am not suggesting that your "moral standards" have dropped...but moreso the "needs" in a partner...
I think we can all agree that what we wanted at 20 is not what we may want at 30, is not what we may want at 40...
My question is the longer you remain single, do you find that the "ideals" you once had in mind for your mate begin to dwindle?
Does the list get shorter? What about "mistakes" in your past experiences...what you may have made a big deal about back then, no longer seems so important an issue now?
I am not suggesting that your "moral standards" have dropped...but moreso the "needs" in a partner...
Hi all from a newbie. 
To answer your question wikked. My standards weren't extremely
high to start with. I got married when i was 23 not knowing my
wife had hereditary Bi-Polar. It didn't progress fully till 5
yrs later. Marriage lasted 24yrs, most of which were living
hell. So really only one "ideal" has been added to very top
of my list.
To answer your question wikked. My standards weren't extremely
high to start with. I got married when i was 23 not knowing my
wife had hereditary Bi-Polar. It didn't progress fully till 5
yrs later. Marriage lasted 24yrs, most of which were living
hell. So really only one "ideal" has been added to very top
of my list.
I think I didn't have many standards or ideals when I was 20,whoever would ask me out was good enough,now at 30 I think I have built up some standards and it definitely has to do with some past "mistakes".I didn't get my needs met in past relationships all that much,now I insist on a more fair relationship instead of hanging around in an empty relationship because there's nothing else,now I'd rather be alone than mistreated,when I was younger it was more "any kind of love was better than no love at all"Oy,I'm glad I've progressed from that.
I have changed over time...I better have!!! I have matured. Standards...ie morals...no my morals are the same. There are some things I may treat with a somewhat loose attitude and other things I am staunch about. What I need from a partner has not changed but the degree of it has. I am more mellow. More open. More forgiving. But don't cross me twice cause I don't forgive a second time.
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Created: Nov 2010
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My question is the longer you remain single, do you find that the "ideals" you once had in mind for your mate begin to dwindle?
Does the list get shorter? What about "mistakes" in your past experiences...what you may have made a big deal about back then, no longer seems so important an issue now?
I am not suggesting that your "moral standards" have dropped...but moreso the "needs" in a partner...