What do you consider "baggage" from a previous relationship? (19)
Great Question Borg
I am going to watch for the ladies responses on this one.
Sorry you have legal proceedings to go thru.
My ex and i avoided all of that. Spliting up assets fairly was the way to go for me. so its win win for both parties...
Some people seem to forget that marriage is a union and that goes for net family assets as well.....many guys (and probably some girls) think everything is there's...NOT the case when married and especially when a divorce comes around. You can spend all kinds of money on lawyers trying to get more of the assets but when your lawyer bill comes around you take a huge hit on the finances anyway..i dont get...funny i think to have legal battles.
I am going to watch for the ladies responses on this one. Sorry you have legal proceedings to go thru.
My ex and i avoided all of that. Spliting up assets fairly was the way to go for me. so its win win for both parties...
Some people seem to forget that marriage is a union and that goes for net family assets as well.....many guys (and probably some girls) think everything is there's...NOT the case when married and especially when a divorce comes around. You can spend all kinds of money on lawyers trying to get more of the assets but when your lawyer bill comes around you take a huge hit on the finances anyway..i dont get...funny i think to have legal battles.
I don't consider the circumstances of my life to be "baggage"...
Baggage to me only occurs when you drag bits and pieces of your former relationships into the future with you refusing to let it go..
What you have to deal with in your divorce is part and package of a marital relationship falling apart...and anyone who has been divorced on here knows that...
Some are nastier than others...some more time consuming...and yet others are still "civil"....but thats just the way the cards are dealt...
Poster has every right to stay away from "separated" people if she feels there are too many "issues" to deal with (she speaks from experience i believe she said)...I have also found "divorced" men who have just as much unresolved issues and no closure..but for a piece of paper that legally absolves them from their spouse...
As far as waiting to jump into another relationship...only you can know if you're ready or not...sometimes its a matter of just needing a "shoulder" to lean on...and you have mistaken this for needing a "relationship"...sometimes there just isn't the time available to invest into a new relationship so it has to wait whether you want it or not...
Hope it helps...
Baggage to me only occurs when you drag bits and pieces of your former relationships into the future with you refusing to let it go..
What you have to deal with in your divorce is part and package of a marital relationship falling apart...and anyone who has been divorced on here knows that...
Some are nastier than others...some more time consuming...and yet others are still "civil"....but thats just the way the cards are dealt...
Poster has every right to stay away from "separated" people if she feels there are too many "issues" to deal with (she speaks from experience i believe she said)...I have also found "divorced" men who have just as much unresolved issues and no closure..but for a piece of paper that legally absolves them from their spouse...
As far as waiting to jump into another relationship...only you can know if you're ready or not...sometimes its a matter of just needing a "shoulder" to lean on...and you have mistaken this for needing a "relationship"...sometimes there just isn't the time available to invest into a new relationship so it has to wait whether you want it or not...
Hope it helps...
For me personaly "baggage" would be someone who constantly brought his ex into conversations and always dragging bitterness and negativity about the past.
I think if your going to move on with your life then the least you could do is not have to bring your past into your future relationships otherwise I think it just means your not over what happened in the past and shouldn't be ready to be with someone else until things are resolved and there is closure.
I think if you start seing someone and it gets very serious, yes its okay to discuss about your divorce or the kids etc..but only in moderation and out of respect towards your current partner.
I think if your going to move on with your life then the least you could do is not have to bring your past into your future relationships otherwise I think it just means your not over what happened in the past and shouldn't be ready to be with someone else until things are resolved and there is closure.
I think if you start seing someone and it gets very serious, yes its okay to discuss about your divorce or the kids etc..but only in moderation and out of respect towards your current partner.
Would witholding information about legal proceedings/difficulties from a "prospective" partner be untruthful?
Also understanding that all of this can have a VERY negative and mean component.
How do you achieve the balance between beeing straight forward/honest with your partner and being "positive" about life?
I think by now, the emotional attachment for my ex is gone, but not all the bitterness about what the "legal stuff" is causing me. In that vein, is bitterness over the legal stuff baggage?
I would have considered that attachment as "baggage", not necessarily the legal process of ending that relationship.
Since this breakup thing is new to me, am I kidding myself by thinking that?
To all of you who have responded, thanks much for your thoughts
Sylvain sends
Also understanding that all of this can have a VERY negative and mean component.
How do you achieve the balance between beeing straight forward/honest with your partner and being "positive" about life?
I think by now, the emotional attachment for my ex is gone, but not all the bitterness about what the "legal stuff" is causing me. In that vein, is bitterness over the legal stuff baggage?
I would have considered that attachment as "baggage", not necessarily the legal process of ending that relationship.
Since this breakup thing is new to me, am I kidding myself by thinking that?
To all of you who have responded, thanks much for your thoughts
Sylvain sends
no, the legal proceedings-division of property.......doesnot constitute BAGGAGE....It is better for you to wait a bit, get your mind cleared. After 21 years you will still have feelings towards your partner, so anyone not willing to hear about your emotional pain, isn't worth hanging with.
These things will have to eventually come out...however there is a place and time for everything...
Not every person you meet, will you have to, nor should you, divulge your personal information to...some of them will not be ready for such detail so early on in the relationship...at this time you are still in the stages of getting to "know" one another...not discuss the legal proceedings of your divorce...
If you feel the bitterness over your divorce is still there...then you need to evaluate whether this will affect your "dating" and decide if you truly are ready to "move on" just yet...
For myself personally, if i truly care about someone, i will stand by them through thick and thin...but if i am not yet "involved" with someone...and I get an earful of this within our first couple of dates...yes i would have second thoughts, because though i will not run from "discord"...i don't purposely invite it into my life either...that's just my own personal thought by the way...
Not every person you meet, will you have to, nor should you, divulge your personal information to...some of them will not be ready for such detail so early on in the relationship...at this time you are still in the stages of getting to "know" one another...not discuss the legal proceedings of your divorce...
If you feel the bitterness over your divorce is still there...then you need to evaluate whether this will affect your "dating" and decide if you truly are ready to "move on" just yet...
For myself personally, if i truly care about someone, i will stand by them through thick and thin...but if i am not yet "involved" with someone...and I get an earful of this within our first couple of dates...yes i would have second thoughts, because though i will not run from "discord"...i don't purposely invite it into my life either...that's just my own personal thought by the way...
My 2 cents...
When I signed onto CS there was a block for divorced and one for single.
I did not see one for married and untill you are divorced you are still married.
Seperated does not count... Seperated is still married. So my answer is yes you still have baggage. Its called an estranged wife.
AB
When I signed onto CS there was a block for divorced and one for single.
I did not see one for married and untill you are divorced you are still married.
Seperated does not count... Seperated is still married. So my answer is yes you still have baggage. Its called an estranged wife.
AB
and when the woman leaves its called an...estranged husband
Sylvain, I haven't gotten through all of what everyone has said- but my first thought is a Spousal RSP is designed by nature to be for the spouse, so you have no rights to it. When you set it up, you should have realized that you had no claims to that- kind of your way of paying her 'salary' for you know getting stretchmarks if you had kids and all the stuff she missed out on while staying home with the rugrats (in of course the best possible way).
In that vein, it would be considered "family assets" the same as my pension is to her, wouldn't it? Since I was the sole contributor to the plan, I would think it is fair to get half back, the same as she gets half of my pension.
Kidding myself on this one?
Kidding myself on this one?
yes, you're kidding yourself on this one... no, it isn't funny...sorry.
your pension is half hers just the same as her pension is half yours.
same thing for all other assets
(same should go for debt- but debt tends to transfer based on rate of income if you made more you'll owe more to the debt).
but the spousal rsp is different- it's not "family assets", you set that up so that when she was ready to retire she'd have that to draw from. It's all hers, period. Just like had she set one up through work for you, it would have been all yours.
your pension is half hers just the same as her pension is half yours.
same thing for all other assets
(same should go for debt- but debt tends to transfer based on rate of income if you made more you'll owe more to the debt).
but the spousal rsp is different- it's not "family assets", you set that up so that when she was ready to retire she'd have that to draw from. It's all hers, period. Just like had she set one up through work for you, it would have been all yours.
Ever been divorced.
Emotions cloud everything having to do with it.
Like I said my 2 cents... Untill someone is actually divorced and has dealt with the aftermath they will have baggage.
AB
Emotions cloud everything having to do with it.
Like I said my 2 cents... Untill someone is actually divorced and has dealt with the aftermath they will have baggage.
AB
Absolutely agree and even then some people drag them roller bags behind them forever!
Our ideas of baggage are all different,, and that's ok,, baggage to me is,, an ex or exes still hanging out,, especially when there are no kids,, they are friends you might say,, well,, they can have them,, i do not have excess baggage hanging out,, wouldn't expect it from a potential other or dysfunctional problems that have not been dealt with yet and they interfer in one's life,, again,, all our ideas of baggage are different
While we all have a past, it is a great idea to have a conversation about the past like it is the past with new friends. Until the issues of your last relationship are settled, it is still a very alive topic today.
Take time to heal from "the past", get to know who you are in the comfort of your own company before delving into another relationship. Chances are you will see a new and improved you.
Relationships are not like jobs where we simply can't exist without one. Really, take time to heal from the SEVERE impact.
take good care,
Prairie Princess
Take time to heal from "the past", get to know who you are in the comfort of your own company before delving into another relationship. Chances are you will see a new and improved you.
Relationships are not like jobs where we simply can't exist without one. Really, take time to heal from the SEVERE impact.
take good care,
Prairie Princess
I think when you really care for someone there is no "baggage" just the good the bad and the fun you take it all and accept it..said "baggage" is just something they must accept and will support you throught it all!
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What I am looking for is perspective on what constitute "baggage" from a previous relationship.
I was married for 18 years, 21 years together. Got separated last Sep. I would say that I am over that relationship. There are good memories, but since the separation, there are a LOT of tension and alienation between my ex and me over spousal support, net family property value, anything that impact on my lifestyle - and a SEVERE impact at that. We both have filed for divorce this summer.
The question is: Does the legal proceedings - division of property value, divorce constitute "BAGGAGE"?
If it is, in your opinion, is it/would it be a deciding factor into whether you chose to enter into a relationship with someone in these conditions?
Is it better to look for a relationship AFTER the dust has settled?
Thanks for your inputs/opinions
From sunny and balmy North Bay - funny how quickly things change over a weekend in this town
Sylvain sends