Dads Vs. Step-Dads (11)

Well, its no official. My ex has introduced my kids to her new guy this weekend. She's been dating him for about 4 months now, and she agreed to let him take everyone out for supper Friday night - before I visited with the kids Saturday.

Let me start off by saying that I am glad to see that she has moved on and found someone. Good for her. We seem to be better as friends then we ever were as a couple.

But, I sit here and I am filled with emotions that I thought I was ready for. I knew that someday this would come, but ........

I guess what really gets me is the fact that he asked my two boys if they would like to see the Canada Day fireworks back in town with him and "their mom". Well, she knew I was coming in to see them and she KNEW I was going to be asking if they wanted to go with me, but he beat me to it! I got so mad, I smashed my cell phone outside of my hotel room.

Am I mad because I didn't ask fast enough? Should I be mad at her for letting him ask? Am I coming to realize that this maybe the guy "replacing" me in my kids lives? Am I making a big deal of nothing?

You're mad because you feel betrayed

hi it is never a "big deal about nothing" with your children.....very real fears and emotions.....holidays, special days birthdays, I think should be shared firstly with those closest to us....and it shouldnt be a whose asked first sort of thing......

This is a big change...and it will take to to feel, and allow yourself to feel...and then you can think through what you are feeling......especially intense feelings.....about things that are MOST important to us can take over us and it's hard to think...we just react.....so breathe, breathe, and seek out those you trust and feel you can talk to.....and who will listen.....and listen as long as you need to once you can start to process your feelings....

Just remember Cupid, no matter who your kids spend time with, to your kids you'll always be their dad, their father.

Nobody can take that away from you. Certainly not your kids.

I agree with Gary man, and I have been there. Actually I've been on both sides. Had a step daughter call me dad in front of her dad. She was seven and couldn't be blamed but I sure felt uncomfortable. Just this past weekend, my son messaged me to wish me happy father's day. Then they were all going to his mom's new husband's parents for father's day. I can't bring myself to call him Casey's step dad but in actuality, what else is he?

However, like Gary said, I'm his dad and no one will take that away. And do you know what else I'm feeling now? Grateful that she married a good guy who is good to my son. Man, I know what you're feeling. It's even hard now to write this and we split up nine years ago. Trust me here buddy, you'll be alright and so will your kids.
Maybe you could talk to your ex about your feelings on these matters and if she's the friend and mom you say she is, it'll work out.

Try not to throw anymore phones....they're not cheap.

Cupid
Listen to what Murray says - I have never had to deal with a 'step' mom and my kids, and I can only imagine the anger and hurt you feel. Hard as it is it's something you and your ex will have to talk about and comes to terms on.
It may be new situation for her boyfriend as well - he wants to make the kids happy so she's happy..
You have to remind yourself that most important thing is the happiness adn welfare of the kids. What do they want? If this g=uy ends up being a perment fixture in her life - it's in your best interest to get along.(You don't have to like the man, and you don't have to bend over and give up time with your kids but you do have to show your kids how to deal with certin situations.
does that make any sense?

Chins up and take what you need from what has been said,everyone has given good advice as they've been down that road.
You have a lot of ears and shoulders here and out of forum ready to listen and help if they can.

I'm impressed

Smart and good looking

Hang in there man, I have been there too... and I understand the mix of emotions that go along with seeing another person TRYING to fill your shoes.

But you know, they only have one dad...you. So you just be the best dad you can when you see your kids, that's all that you have control over.

When I talk with my kids, although that other man has faded away now, I tell them that no one will ever love them as much as I do. And I mean it, and they know that, and it has kept me sane during some times that I wanted to throw things too. (ya keep yer cool)

If he is a good decent man, then bonus! Now your kids can have more positive influence! ...and that's not a bad thing.