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1. Remember things are never so bad that they can't get worse.
2. He who laughs last didn't get the joke.
3. If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.
4. Every minute brings you that much closer to death.
5. Some people are destined for greatness. Fortunately, you're not one of them.
6. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
7. Practice makes perfect, but nobody is perfect so, why practice.
8. If ignorance were bliss you'd actually be happy.
9. A friend is just a stranger you haven't alienated yet.
10. Life is not short. It is long. VERY long, especially after all those wrong decisions.
11. They only invited you because they knew you wouldn't come.
12. Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.
13. Ambition is a poor excuse of not having enough sense to be lazy.
14. The first step to failure is trying.
15. If at first you don't succeed...don't act surprised.
16. Apathy: If we don't take care of the customer,maybe they'll stop bugging us.
17. Beauty: If you're attractive enough on the outside, people will forgive you for being irritating to the core.
18. Attitudes are contagious. Mine might kill you.
19. There are no stupid questions, but there are a LOT of inquisitive idiots.
20. Let's agree to respect each others views, no matter how wrong yours may be
21. When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other.
22. If we really care for the customer we'd send them somewhere better
23. When birds fly in the right formation, they need only exert half the effort. Even in nature, teamwork results in collective laziness.
24. Sometimes the best solution to morale problems is just to fire all of the unhappy people.
25. The only consistent feature in all of your dissatisfying relationships is you