The Building Blocks of Relationships. Part One: The Definition of Intimacy
… continued
Intimate partners normally share most if not all of aspects of their lives. This sharing includes material possessions, personal feelings and thoughts, as well as information like hopes, dreams, desires, objectives, concerns and worries. Now the list is certainly no limited to these, but serves only to illustrate that intimate partners have knowledge of each other. Those things, thoughts and feelings shared between intimate partners are normally not shared with others. The degree of sharing and the knowledge they have of each other normally indicates the level of intimacy any two individuals may have. Intimate partners also care much more for each other than they do for those outside of the relationship. The degree of caring is also instrumental in determining the level of intimacy any two or more people may have.
Intimate partners also normally have their lives interweaved. They influence and interact frequently, strongly, diversely, and the action of one affects the other (usually with enduring results). In essence they become interdependent.
Intimate partners consider themselves as a couple (at least within monogamous relationships), and display a high degree of mutuality. This normally means that they think of “us” instead of “me” and “her” (or “him”). The change of the use of the term “me” to the term “us“, usually indicates a higher level of intimacy between any two individuals. Intimate partners also expect that the other will treat them fairly and honourably, will not harm them physically or emotionally, and will normally react in kind. That quality of treatment which they share is called trust. Again, the level of trust within a relationship normally indicates the degree of intimacy that any two people may share. When trust is broken, people become suspicious and reduce the openness and interdependence they would otherwise have.
Last but not least, intimate partners have a high degree of commitment to each other. They invest time, energy and money towards reaching mutually set goals. A high level of commitment is necessary to maintain a loving intimate relationship. Again, low commitment normally indicates little intimacy.
If any of these six components is missing from a relationship, couples may still be able to operate within a relationship. However, the result is normally an unhappy relationship void of affection and trust, and while each individual carries on with the practical daily aspects of their mutually shared lives. They would obviously be more intimate than with others outside the relationship, but would have less feelings of closeness for each other than when they initially engaged in the relationship, and when more of the six components were present. The most satisfying intimate relationships are accomplished when all six characteristics are present, and as unhappy relationships demonstrate, intimacy can vary greatly over the course of the relationship. It is the level of complexity within each relationship which produces the diversity of relationships which exist, and that brings so much fascination to researchers and laypeople.
On that I will close and will continue next time with “The Building Blocks of Relationships. Part two; The Need to Belong, and The Influence of Culture”.
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… continued
Intimate partners normally share most if not all of aspects of their lives. This sharing includes material possessions, personal feelings and thoughts, as well as information like hopes, dreams, desires, objectives, concerns and worries. Now the list is certainly no limited to these, but serves only to illustrate that intimate partners have knowledge of each other. Those things, thoughts and feelings shared between intimate partners are normally not shared with others. The degree of sharing and the knowledge they have of each other normally indicates the level of intimacy any two individuals may have.
Intimate partners also care much more for each other than they do for those outside of the relationship. The degree of caring is also instrumental in determining the level of intimacy any two or more people may have.
Intimate partners also normally have their lives interweaved. They influence and interact frequently, strongly, diversely, and the action of one affects the other (usually with enduring results). In essence they become interdependent.
Intimate partners consider themselves as a couple (at least within monogamous relationships), and display a high degree of mutuality. This normally means that they think of “us” instead of “me” and “her” (or “him”). The change of the use of the term “me” to the term “us“, usually indicates a higher level of intimacy between any two individuals.
Intimate partners also expect that the other will treat them fairly and honourably, will not harm them physically or emotionally, and will normally react in kind. That quality of treatment which they share is called trust. Again, the level of trust within a relationship normally indicates the degree of intimacy that any two people may share. When trust is broken, people become suspicious and reduce the openness and interdependence they would otherwise have.
Last but not least, intimate partners have a high degree of commitment to each other. They invest time, energy and money towards reaching mutually set goals. A high level of commitment is necessary to maintain a loving intimate relationship. Again, low commitment normally indicates little intimacy.
If any of these six components is missing from a relationship, couples may still be able to operate within a relationship. However, the result is normally an unhappy relationship void of affection and trust, and while each individual carries on with the practical daily aspects of their mutually shared lives. They would obviously be more intimate than with others outside the relationship, but would have less feelings of closeness for each other than when they initially engaged in the relationship, and when more of the six components were present. The most satisfying intimate relationships are accomplished when all six characteristics are present, and as unhappy relationships demonstrate, intimacy can vary greatly over the course of the relationship. It is the level of complexity within each relationship which produces the diversity of relationships which exist, and that brings so much fascination to researchers and laypeople.
On that I will close and will continue next time with “The Building Blocks of Relationships. Part two; The Need to Belong, and The Influence of Culture”.