HOW AND WHEN DO YOU END THE RELATIONSHIP? (35)
Lonely1: After a long and stormy relationship I think it may be time to start a new life. But with kids involved, joint property and the hassle of finalizing everything, the future does not look rosy.
Some say it is best to start a new relationship before the breakup, so that you are not lonely afterwords. Others say I should end the relationship before starting a new one. NO EASY CHOICE.
Some say it is best to start a new relationship before the breakup, so that you are not lonely afterwords. Others say I should end the relationship before starting a new one. NO EASY CHOICE.
Never give up until you've exhausted all avenues to save the relationship. Yes, its easy to walk away - why not be different than the norm? Get help and be committed to changing - it can be done - nothing is impossible - just takes alot of work. More than likely the relationship didn't fail overnight - but over time - the recovery can be the same ....... over time - there'll be no instant cure.
As for starting one thing before something else is finished - who ever said that was a good idea? Probably the furthest thing from the truth.
Lonely1: After a long and stormy relationship I think it may be time to start a new life. But with kids involved, joint property and the hassle of finalizing everything, the future does not look rosy.
Some say it is best to start a new relationship before the breakup, so that you are not lonely afterwords. Others say I should end the relationship before starting a new one. NO EASY CHOICE.
Some say it is best to start a new relationship before the breakup, so that you are not lonely afterwords. Others say I should end the relationship before starting a new one. NO EASY CHOICE.
JMO.... finish a relationship before starting a new one. Time is needed to heal, and believe it or not... take a good look at yourself... (even that relationship)... fix what you need about yourself. Also to believe it or not, ... morn. I laughed the first time I heard that, but now understand why.
All relationships go through rough spots... some people choose to fight for and keep the relationship going. (in a positive way)... others will fight to keep a loosing battle going. If the relationship is healthy and worth saving, stay, if not... do not prolong the leaving. It will only make things worse.
Best of luck in what ever you decide.
Some people don't mind staying in a bad relationship, but it kills me. When you feel you are giving it your best shot and the other person does not appreciate it, whats the use. Some relationships take a long time to be done with. I am afraid I will be over the hill by then.
I feel and espeically if it was a rocky relationship, its best to break off, and be alone and find the person you used to be first. This way the real you is who you are offering in a new relationship,, not a bitter hurt or even angry person. when in a long term relationship, we all tend to grow "together" and become part of what the other person is, good or bad. I was in a bad one so i know this, soon as i got back to who i used to be and really liked, then i found it was ok to be with another person. - just my personal experiance = good luck
I would say to end the relationship before starting a new one. If you started a new one before, someone will say you have been cheating, and then of course there is no guarantee that the person you start that relationship will continue and remain with you.
I agree , not to mention,, no one can "save " you. been there done that, you'll settle for anyone at that point. suck it up be lonely for awhile, hell its better to be alone and lonely then with someone and lonely. you'll get over it and find out who you are and what you really want , and then stick to it!
memotoself: I feel and espeically if it was a rocky relationship, its best to break off, and be alone and find the person you used to be first. This way the real you is who you are offering in a new relationship,, not a bitter hurt or even angry person. when in a long term relationship, we all tend to grow "together" and become part of what the other person is, good or bad. I was in a bad one so i know this, soon as i got back to who i used to be and really liked, then i found it was ok to be with another person. - just my personal experiance = good luck
A bad relationship can lead to heath problems. Physical, emotional and mental.
Children know when the relationship is a bad one, no matter how much you love your kids, etc.
My children asked me to not wait, to leave now and take them with me.
Children know when the relationship is a bad one, no matter how much you love your kids, etc.
My children asked me to not wait, to leave now and take them with me.
Just for the record, I am not picking on you...Guess you end a relationship when there is no hope for it and you don't want to try anymore and you don't want to give anymore...it ain't 50/50. Sometimes you have to give 110 and get nothing back for awhile...ultimately it is your choice - and am sure that she knows (cause we women do) that you don't want to be with her anymore - are you sabotaging? Is she? Who cares...the thing is, nobody can change anybody but themselves, each of you own your own choices and behaviours - seems that you are still wrapped up in she,she,she -don't hear an I. Until you can look at you and own your part in the success and breakdown of a relationship/marriage, it is my opinion that you are not anywhere near ready to enter into another. Look after yourself, fix yourself, not her (she can do that herself). When you can be totally accountable for the role you played (and there are always more than one player); then you are more able to have a new and healthy life/family/relationship
Never give up until you've exhausted all avenues to save the relationship. quote]
i agree.
When all else fails. the only way out isto break free. You can't stay in a relationship that just takes the life out of you and prolly brings the worst in you.
But Lonely, end the relationship first before starting a new one and never start a new one just to get over the first.
Cary
i agree.
When all else fails. the only way out isto break free. You can't stay in a relationship that just takes the life out of you and prolly brings the worst in you.
But Lonely, end the relationship first before starting a new one and never start a new one just to get over the first.
Cary
Lonely1: After a long and stormy relationship I think it may be time to start a new life. But with kids involved, joint property and the hassle of finalizing everything, the future does not look rosy.
Some say it is best to start a new relationship before the breakup, so that you are not lonely afterwords. Others say I should end the relationship before starting a new one. NO EASY CHOICE.
Some say it is best to start a new relationship before the breakup, so that you are not lonely afterwords. Others say I should end the relationship before starting a new one. NO EASY CHOICE.
My sons and I left with just a suitcase each and a broken computer. We started from scratch. No alimony or support. Yes there were lawyers involved and the Que does not follow same laws as the rest of Canada.
Was it easy to walk away with none of my things..... to be honest, I look back and am not disappointed that we did that.
Are we happier now.... damned rights we are.
Communication!!
I am the type when in a relationship and if I care enough and love the person enough that I will try my best to make things work. It does take 2 to tango though. And if everything I tried to make it work fails and the other person does not show any interest then I just leave the relationship.
I do not believe in staying together just for the children. Children are a lot more intelligent than we think. When you think they don't know what is going on believe me they do. And if your both not happy then you are setting a bad example for them and they will grow up thinking its okay to stay in bad relationships and probably be just as miserable.
In my opinion if you feel strongly that the relationship is not working and not going anywhere. Than just be honest and leave.
Yes you will feel hurt and lonely and vulnerable etc...but you also need time to heal. Don't go jumping into another relationship while your still in this one or right after you leave. You need to heal and also I think its not fair to drag another person into the stress.
Take a good look at yourself and work on yourself and your issues that are going on at the moment and once you know what you want and have a clear mind then do what you think is best.
Good Luck to you!
I am the type when in a relationship and if I care enough and love the person enough that I will try my best to make things work. It does take 2 to tango though. And if everything I tried to make it work fails and the other person does not show any interest then I just leave the relationship.
I do not believe in staying together just for the children. Children are a lot more intelligent than we think. When you think they don't know what is going on believe me they do. And if your both not happy then you are setting a bad example for them and they will grow up thinking its okay to stay in bad relationships and probably be just as miserable.
In my opinion if you feel strongly that the relationship is not working and not going anywhere. Than just be honest and leave.
Yes you will feel hurt and lonely and vulnerable etc...but you also need time to heal. Don't go jumping into another relationship while your still in this one or right after you leave. You need to heal and also I think its not fair to drag another person into the stress.
Take a good look at yourself and work on yourself and your issues that are going on at the moment and once you know what you want and have a clear mind then do what you think is best.
Good Luck to you!
Katine76again: Communication!!
I am the type when in a relationship and if I care enough and love the person enough that I will try my best to make things work. It does take 2 to tango though. And if everything I tried to make it work fails and the other person does not show any interest then I just leave the relationship.
I do not believe in staying together just for the children. Children are a lot more intelligent than we think. When you think they don't know what is going on believe me they do. And if your both not happy then you are setting a bad example for them and they will grow up thinking its okay to stay in bad relationships and probably be just as miserable.
In my opinion if you feel strongly that the relationship is not working and not going anywhere. Than just be honest and leave.
Yes you will feel hurt and lonely and vulnerable etc...but you also need time to heal. Don't go jumping into another relationship while your still in this one or right after you leave. You need to heal and also I think its not fair to drag another person into the stress.
Take a good look at yourself and work on yourself and your issues that are going on at the moment and once you know what you want and have a clear mind then do what you think is best.
Good Luck to you!
I am the type when in a relationship and if I care enough and love the person enough that I will try my best to make things work. It does take 2 to tango though. And if everything I tried to make it work fails and the other person does not show any interest then I just leave the relationship.
I do not believe in staying together just for the children. Children are a lot more intelligent than we think. When you think they don't know what is going on believe me they do. And if your both not happy then you are setting a bad example for them and they will grow up thinking its okay to stay in bad relationships and probably be just as miserable.
In my opinion if you feel strongly that the relationship is not working and not going anywhere. Than just be honest and leave.
Yes you will feel hurt and lonely and vulnerable etc...but you also need time to heal. Don't go jumping into another relationship while your still in this one or right after you leave. You need to heal and also I think its not fair to drag another person into the stress.
Take a good look at yourself and work on yourself and your issues that are going on at the moment and once you know what you want and have a clear mind then do what you think is best.
Good Luck to you!
I agree, staying together for the children will build resentment and toxic feelings. Children are not glue.
What a wonderful post and I completley agree. It took me a year and a almost a half to realise I was desperately unhappy in my last relationship, and taking some time to heal and repair will give you the opportunity to truly work out what you want and find some peace, when you do that, and you are full of energy and laughter, then it will be more likely that you will attract like minded people.
There is a well known rule in the understanding of laws and other acts of parliament, which is also applicable on this website: Read the first entry in the thread. It will give you a clear understanding of what the topic is about. 
I constantly marvel at the insight several of you show.
Read a sad story in this weeks paper. This guy was married for 20 years to his soul mate. He woke up one morning to find a note telling him thanks for the life he had given his wife, but that she was leaving him now. She also said her lawyer would be getting in touch with the divorce papers.
Clean getaway or what.
Clean getaway or what.
lonly 1 with my hart i have to say this as i have went throo this as meney have i had a 10 yer merige loved my wife very mutch 3 kids and all throo waht evry one has told you is good advice but it sownds like you want out i did the opeset i spent 2 yers triying to save my merrige to a mate hoo dident want the merige but showd me throo croolty how to feel like a fool as she invited meny men too her bed while i was giving her space yes liyd to and deseaved the one thing that i kno is i gave my merige its all and i can walk a way with a clear conchence im a singl dad of an 11 yer old he is now my life and joy waht ever your choyse is make sher you walk with a morel and rite disishon so that you can rest your mind and sole that its the rite thing to do for you i hope you can read this as im deslexic
best of luck
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Created: Aug 2008
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Some say it is best to start a new relationship before the breakup, so that you are not lonely afterwords. Others say I should end the relationship before starting a new one. NO EASY CHOICE.