Awesome's best jokes ever thread. (443)

Jul 18, 2011 3:59 AM CST Awesome's best jokes ever thread.
Lookin4missright
Lookin4missrightLookin4missrightmelbourne, Victoria Australia400 Threads 24,032 Posts
In response to: Out with the headache jokes and anything else.


What did one sewing machine say to other sewing machine???


JANOME!! rolling on the floor laughing doh
Aug 4, 2011 2:48 AM CST Awesome's best jokes ever thread.
Shell225
Shell225Shell225Brisbane, Queensland Australia26 Threads 8,572 Posts
EFFECTIVE AUGUST 1, 2011
NEW OFFICE POLICY

Dress Code:

1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.

2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.

3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.

4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.


Sick Days:

We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days:

Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year.
They are called Saturdays & Sundays.

Bereavement Leave:

This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Bathroom Breaks:

Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet.
There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders'
category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy.


Lunch Break: (Love this one)

* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.

* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.

* Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.


The Management
Pass this on to all who are still employed!
Aug 13, 2011 5:56 AM CST Awesome's best jokes ever thread.
justwanutoluvme
justwanutoluvmejustwanutoluvmerockhampton, Queensland Australia1 Threads 6 Posts
THAT IS AWESOME,KEEPEM COMING,I LOVE A GRAET JOKE,yay
Post Comment - Post a comment on this Forum Thread

Share this Thread

We use cookies to ensure that you have the best experience possible on our website. Read Our Privacy Policy Here