Is there anything more painful than unrequited love? (40)
tonyxfwerribee, Victoria Australia2 Threads 4,525 PostsI been in that situation once or twice in my life but never let it take hold of my life. Dont know your true sutuation but you really need to move on. At 51 your a spring chicken theres more that 1 woman that would like to love you surely.
BTW haz welcome to the forums, we have some really nice ladies here.
Unconditional loving kindness doesn't include hidden expectations.
Perhaps your heartfelt feelings towards the lady you desired included an expectation your feelings would be reciprocated? I don't think your describing feelings of loving kindness, rather its my feeling your feelings included an expectation and therefore a rejection of anything other continued friendship.
Perhaps your heartfelt feelings towards the lady you desired included an expectation your feelings would be reciprocated? I don't think your describing feelings of loving kindness, rather its my feeling your feelings included an expectation and therefore a rejection of anything other continued friendship.
curly28: hope that makes you feel a tad better sry for your pain
<<<<<I'm only a horse of course, but you look swell and stop saying your ugly you are not ugly , Martia is right. Big smile
that's bettercurly28: <<<<<I'm only a horse of course, but you look swell and stop saying your ugly you are not ugly , Martia is right. Big smile that's better
Of course, a talking horse.tonyxf: Of course, a talking horse.
I'm full of talent
neighhhhhh hehe!It's Sunday GTG lovely day to go out for the day
Have a good 1Hazmo, I know where you are, and have a pretty good idea of what has been in your past, but...
it is your past, not your present.
You need to find a way to love yourself, as how can you expect someone to love you for what you are if you dont love/like yourself?
Find a way to make the best of your past, take strength from the pain, understanding from the hurt, and let the negativity go.
I once weighed 40+kgs heavier than I do now, and had never truly be loved for the person I am, but what I could do for them. It hurt. I took that pain and made it my resolution to become the person I could be, to become me instead of the "shadow" of me.
For me that journey was finding my self esteem, knowing that it was ok to like myself, and, that others liked me for who I was not just what I looked like. I had to teach myself to look in the mirror and see me, not to just look at the reflection and say "UGH!"
It's a long journey, but oh so worthwhile, I hope you have just taken the first step of your journey.
welcome to the forums
it is your past, not your present.
You need to find a way to love yourself, as how can you expect someone to love you for what you are if you dont love/like yourself?
Find a way to make the best of your past, take strength from the pain, understanding from the hurt, and let the negativity go.
I once weighed 40+kgs heavier than I do now, and had never truly be loved for the person I am, but what I could do for them. It hurt. I took that pain and made it my resolution to become the person I could be, to become me instead of the "shadow" of me.
For me that journey was finding my self esteem, knowing that it was ok to like myself, and, that others liked me for who I was not just what I looked like. I had to teach myself to look in the mirror and see me, not to just look at the reflection and say "UGH!"
It's a long journey, but oh so worthwhile, I hope you have just taken the first step of your journey.
welcome to the forums
Hi hazmo and welcome to the forums 
Your last couple of sentences sound like you've come here expecting to be criticised if not crucified
If that's the case, you've come to the wrong place, we support each other here, in friendship, try to help if asked, and you're more than welcome to be a part of that.
I took a peek at your profile, you come across as an articulate, intelligent guy who knows what he wants.
However waving a flag that virtually says 'But I know I don't deserve any of that and I don't expect to get it' won't get you anywhere.
Negativity is not attractive as you're probably aware .. we all have our doubts about ourselves and our self-esteem can take a pounding now and then.
To me, your major problem about yourself is your weight. All power to you for including a full shot of yourself - many say they are chubby or large but don't take the next step and show a full-length pic of themselves.
Obviously food can be a source of comfort when we are down, then we hate ourselves for overeating and .. the cycle goes on.
Jem and martia have covered everything, and more, that I would have mentioned, as far as your past and sense of self-worth, all I can say is baby steps - try to tackle your health issues, it will make you feel so much better in every way and from there, the only way is up
Your last couple of sentences sound like you've come here expecting to be criticised if not crucified
If that's the case, you've come to the wrong place, we support each other here, in friendship, try to help if asked, and you're more than welcome to be a part of that.
I took a peek at your profile, you come across as an articulate, intelligent guy who knows what he wants.
However waving a flag that virtually says 'But I know I don't deserve any of that and I don't expect to get it' won't get you anywhere.
Negativity is not attractive as you're probably aware .. we all have our doubts about ourselves and our self-esteem can take a pounding now and then.
To me, your major problem about yourself is your weight. All power to you for including a full shot of yourself - many say they are chubby or large but don't take the next step and show a full-length pic of themselves.
Obviously food can be a source of comfort when we are down, then we hate ourselves for overeating and .. the cycle goes on.
Jem and martia have covered everything, and more, that I would have mentioned, as far as your past and sense of self-worth, all I can say is baby steps - try to tackle your health issues, it will make you feel so much better in every way and from there, the only way is up
If you think that you are at the end of your rope & tried EVERTHING to lose weight?
This Mr Hazmo is Not for everyone but at the time it was right for me
You are not ugly, yes overweight (is'nt half of aust)
Feel free to mail me & i will be happy to chat to you about (hgr) high gastric reduction & what it did for & to me, but only if you feel it is your very last resort whether for now or in the future. Please im not recomending this is what you should do, its only an option if you feel that you dont have any left.
Dr Andrew Jamieson in this link is the surgeon who operated on me back in 1993 (top surgeon).
BTW, i think you've got more balls than a billiard table by putting yourself out there. Well done. 
This Mr Hazmo is Not for everyone but at the time it was right for me
You are not ugly, yes overweight (is'nt half of aust)
Feel free to mail me & i will be happy to chat to you about (hgr) high gastric reduction & what it did for & to me, but only if you feel it is your very last resort whether for now or in the future. Please im not recomending this is what you should do, its only an option if you feel that you dont have any left.
Dr Andrew Jamieson in this link is the surgeon who operated on me back in 1993 (top surgeon).
BTW, i think you've got more balls than a billiard table by putting yourself out there. Well done.
Lookin4missright: And to go out for dinner with some of us misfits on here You seemed pretty normal & a well brought up person to me obsi wabsy
I second that emote .. sorry motion
AgentAjax: If it will make you feel any better “Love is overrated” You are better off buying yourself a decent size boat.
I agree with Ajax , but for my 2 bob If nothing changes ,nothing changes so ive learnt .
Lookin4missright: If you think that you are at the end of your rope & tried EVERTHING to lose weight?
This Mr Hazmo is Not for everyone but at the time it was right for me
You are not ugly, yes overweight (is'nt half of aust)
Feel free to mail me & i will be happy to chat to you about (hgr) high gastric reduction & what it did for & to me, but only if you feel it is your very last resort whether for now or in the future. Please im not recomending this is what you should do, its only an option if you feel that you dont have any left.www.obesity-clinic.org/history.htm
Dr Andrew Jamieson in this link is the surgeon who operated on me back in 1993 (top surgeon).BTW, i think you've got more balls than a billiard table by putting yourself out there. Well done.
This Mr Hazmo is Not for everyone but at the time it was right for me
You are not ugly, yes overweight (is'nt half of aust)
Feel free to mail me & i will be happy to chat to you about (hgr) high gastric reduction & what it did for & to me, but only if you feel it is your very last resort whether for now or in the future. Please im not recomending this is what you should do, its only an option if you feel that you dont have any left.www.obesity-clinic.org/history.htm
Dr Andrew Jamieson in this link is the surgeon who operated on me back in 1993 (top surgeon).BTW, i think you've got more balls than a billiard table by putting yourself out there. Well done.
All well and good Lookin. In some cases, surgical intervention is warranted, but unless the person makes major lifestyle changes, not much changes if the procedure is reversed. Best to modify behaviour in a sustainable way for the long-term and reap the health and fitness experts.
(red wine instead of beer. - it has resveratrols, anti-aging,lol)Anyway Hazmo o far you've been given advice some good advice too its up to you to make up your mind and act on it, but the answer to your question, "Is anything more painful..........? Yest there is.
A family breakup.
A family breakup.
tonyxf: Anyway Hazmo o far you've been given advice some good advice too its up to you to make up your mind and act on it, but the answer to your question, "Is anything more painful..........? Yest there is.
A family breakup.
A family breakup.
Agreed. There is lots more painful. Loss of a child, loss of limb, and so on.
Nonetheless, sometimes it is all relative. For the person suffering, at the time, there seems to be nothing worse, because the issue has grown so out of perspective.
kizzy27: I agree with Ajax , but for my 2 bob If nothing changes ,nothing changes so ive learnt .
Of-course things change. All the time.
As for whatever the issue, we can change how we interpret the events. We can't and shouldn't begin to, change the other person's attitude.
Unrequited love means unresolved issues. And a lack of willingness to let go of the past.
kizzy27: I agree with Ajax , but for my 2 bob If nothing changes ,nothing changes so ive learnt .
yeah Im afraid we are too old for love… its not like we’re ganna start a family, build a home a future… What we should be looking for is friendship, chemistry but most of all respect given and taken. 
AgentAjax: yeah Im afraid we are too old for love… its not like we’re ganna start a family, build a home a future… What we should be looking for is friendship, chemistry but most of all respect given and taken.
So you rekon shelve the long term soulmate bit?AgentAjax: yeah Im afraid we are too old for love… its not like we’re ganna start a family, build a home a future… What we should be looking for is friendship, chemistry but most of all respect given and taken.
Oh dear you poor old thing ..dont ever EVER' give up she is out there but only if you want to find her.
venere08: All well and good Lookin. In some cases, surgical intervention is warranted, but unless the person makes major lifestyle changes, not much changes if the procedure is reversed. Best to modify behaviour in a sustainable way for the long-term and reap the health and fitness experts.
(red wine instead of beer. - it has resveratrols, anti-aging,lol)
(red wine instead of beer. - it has resveratrols, anti-aging,lol)
Yes Venere you are 100% right
JMO. When i had my op i had a crook spine & could hardly walk 
I contimplated suicide a few times as im sure anyone that has had a bad back can tell you about the pain. I tried everything i could, diets,medication,hypnotherapy etc... to get weight off. As i could'nt excersise because of back always going out on me, i did some homework re: hgr off a couple friends husband & wife who had it done. Thats why i said it is not for everyone, i did'nt get op to lose weight to snag myself a woman but to snag myself a job to pay my mortgage & to survive & not be pushed around in a wheelchair the rest of my life.
I dont know Mr Hazmo's situation but only gave my opinion, it might not be the right one
but being over weight can leed to depression & depression can leed to suicide which is NOT a cool thing to do which now years later im grateful i did'nt go that path.Yes you are 100% right Venere about "lifestyle change"
They are the key words I had a reversal & did'nt change my ways, and have put weight back on being no-ones fault but my own 
I really hope Mr Hazmo takes your advice (lifestyle change)
b4 a part of his body gives out because of weight & not to snag a woman.I know some of you are pis*ed off with my (true)sob stories
and sorry but you dont have to read my posts 
If s/one can take even a smidgeon of my life stories and benefit in anyway im happy 
If not yep im back to being a di*khead 
tonyxf: So you rekon shelve the long term soulmate bit?
No Tony - absolutely not!!!!! sometimes you don't know what/where you will find it - for all you know it could be right under your very nose.... but I do agree with A.Ajax, friendship, chemistry and mutual respect, all play a role...
From a song.... "how can we be lovers, if we can't be friends....."
Just don't give up hope....
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