Honesty.........is it a lonely word? (64)

Oct 5, 2013 12:46 PM CST Honesty.........is it a lonely word?
LiLee
LiLeeLiLeeIpswich, Queensland Australia53 Threads 1,760 Posts
How important is honesty to you when dating?

Do you think it's okay to tell small white lies about things you may be embarrassed about on the first couple of dates or would you prefer to tell it how it is right from the start.

We all try to put on our best face/personality in the beginning hoping to get to know someone better.

What would your reaction be if you found out someone had told a white lie about themselves or their circumstances?. Would you understand why they did it or lose trust and become suspicious of what else they may have been untruthful about?

Your thoughts? wave
Oct 5, 2013 2:41 PM CST Honesty.........is it a lonely word?
probably just walk away
hope your day goes well lilee
Oct 5, 2013 4:43 PM CST Honesty.........is it a lonely word?
Obscuritan
ObscuritanObscuritanMelbourne, Victoria Australia37 Threads 3 Polls 1,284 Posts
LiLee: How important is honesty to you when dating?

Do you think it's okay to tell small white lies about things you may be embarrassed about on the first couple of dates or would you prefer to tell it how it is right from the start.

We all try to put on our best face/personality in the beginning hoping to get to know someone better.

What would your reaction be if you found out someone had told a white lie about themselves or their circumstances?. Would you understand why they did it or lose trust and become suspicious of what else they may have been untruthful about?

Your thoughts?


JMO..... Very important. There really isn't any point in bending the truth to make yourself look more "desirable" or whatever. If there is ever going to be any sort of relationship the other person will soon find out what you are REALLY like and any discrepancies will immediately diminish the level of trust. You can't have love without trust, (can you)
Oct 5, 2013 4:57 PM CST Honesty.........is it a lonely word?
Lookin4missright
Lookin4missrightLookin4missrightmelbourne, Victoria Australia400 Threads 24,032 Posts
Obscuritan: JMO..... Very important. There really isn't any point in bending the truth to make yourself look more "desirable" or whatever. If there is ever going to be any sort of relationship the other person will soon find out what you are REALLY like and any discrepancies will immediately diminish the level of trust. You can't have love without trust, (can you)




thumbs up hug true that
Oct 5, 2013 5:03 PM CST Honesty.........is it a lonely word?
Lookin4missright
Lookin4missrightLookin4missrightmelbourne, Victoria Australia400 Threads 24,032 Posts
AgentAjax: The first bird I ever met of the puter was in the middle of the night. She came late at night and left early in the morning. I do understand where you are coming from Lookin, Sometimes I myself wondered why they sent in their mother.






Thought you gonna say ... left patches everywhere lmao....


laugh i'd be happy with a grandie right now though
dancing dog <--- think i'm on heat blushing
Oct 5, 2013 5:04 PM CST Honesty.........is it a lonely word?
Lookin4missright
Lookin4missrightLookin4missrightmelbourne, Victoria Australia400 Threads 24,032 Posts
granny!!! doh oooops!!!
Oct 5, 2013 5:16 PM CST Honesty.........is it a lonely word?
AgentAjax
AgentAjaxAgentAjaxBrisbane, Queensland Australia81 Threads 1 Polls 3,965 Posts
Lookin4missright: Thought you gonna say ... left patches everywhere lmao.... i'd be happy with a grandie right now though
<--- think i'm on heat
You’ll be up for a grammy soon after that grandi production. rolling on the floor laughing
Oct 5, 2013 5:25 PM CST Honesty.........is it a lonely word?
Lookin4missright
Lookin4missrightLookin4missrightmelbourne, Victoria Australia400 Threads 24,032 Posts
AgentAjax: You’ll be up for a grammy soon after that grandi production.




farrrrrrk blushing was pinching one of miss merri's sayings but did'nt think on it b4 i hit the go button doh frustrated Oooops!!




ps, grammy better than oscar professor rolling on the floor laughing super
Oct 5, 2013 5:30 PM CST Honesty.........is it a lonely word?
Lookin4missright
Lookin4missrightLookin4missrightmelbourne, Victoria Australia400 Threads 24,032 Posts
So Sorry Miss Lilee hijack



Love you hug lips teddybear bouquet


please 4give sad flower


foot in mouth coffee coffee coffee coffee crazy
Oct 5, 2013 6:11 PM CST Honesty.........is it a lonely word?
Nature123
Nature123Nature123Australia, Queensland Australia68 Threads 2 Polls 739 Posts
Hi all,

Be your self at all times,
No use pretending to be some one you are not


You tell one little white lie then it snowballs.laugh
Oct 5, 2013 6:15 PM CST Honesty.........is it a lonely word?
LiLee: How important is honesty to you when dating?

Do you think it's okay to tell small white lies about things you may be embarrassed about on the first couple of dates or would you prefer to tell it how it is right from the start.

We all try to put on our best face/personality in the beginning hoping to get to know someone better.

What would your reaction be if you found out someone had told a white lie about themselves or their circumstances?. Would you understand why they did it or lose trust and become suspicious of what else they may have been untruthful about?

Your thoughts?


Great to see you LiLee wave hug

I gather your question is about the dating part rather than deception when chatting online etc conversing but do you mean that you discovered they had been lying online when you did finally meet?

Anyway, my first reaction was truth always, but then, upon reflection, I thought how I would react if someone asked me some very personal questions on the first couple of dates hmmm

It's possible I might not answer as truthfully as I would normally about other less personal things so I'm a bit undecided about how to reply to your question confused

However I do wonder what made you ask it cool
Oct 5, 2013 6:29 PM CST Honesty.........is it a lonely word?
AgentAjax
AgentAjaxAgentAjaxBrisbane, Queensland Australia81 Threads 1 Polls 3,965 Posts
LiLee: How important is honesty to you when dating?

Do you think it's okay to tell small white lies about things you may be embarrassed about on the first couple of dates or would you prefer to tell it how it is right from the start.

We all try to put on our best face/personality in the beginning hoping to get to know someone better.

What would your reaction be if you found out someone had told a white lie about themselves or their circumstances?. Would you understand why they did it or lose trust and become suspicious of what else they may have been untruthful about?

Your thoughts?


Ayn Rand says by my interpretation of the assay :

Neither truth nor a lie is an honourable act if you stand to become a beneficiary of either. wine
Oct 5, 2013 7:46 PM CST Honesty.........is it a lonely word?
jem1964
jem1964jem1964Foothills of Dandenongs, Victoria Australia30 Threads 1 Polls 2,441 Posts
LiLee: How important is honesty to you when dating?

Do you think it's okay to tell small white lies about things you may be embarrassed about on the first couple of dates or would you prefer to tell it how it is right from the start.

We all try to put on our best face/personality in the beginning hoping to get to know someone better.

What would your reaction be if you found out someone had told a white lie about themselves or their circumstances?. Would you understand why they did it or lose trust and become suspicious of what else they may have been untruthful about?

Your thoughts?


for me it would be how big the "white lie" was

I will admit I use my honesty sometimes as a tool to make sure my time isnt being wasted, if they cant handle me now, they wont be able to handle me in the future. And I would appreciate the same honesty in return.

It also depends on the circumstances of the contact, sometimes it is easier to "white lie" online, but it can also be a lot easier to be totally truthful as well as it is not as confronting having to face people. If the "white lie" was said in person I probably would regard it quite differently.

I must admit I would also weigh up why the "white lie" was told, and yep it would make me ask what was the possible benefit from the "white lie"

yep we all try to show our best side/attributes, but in the end falseness will always come to light, for me honesty always wins
bouquet
Oct 5, 2013 8:15 PM CST Honesty.........is it a lonely word?
Halv0
Halv0Halv0Marcoola, Queensland Australia19 Threads 766 Posts
About honesty.... They say that honesty is the best policy, but It think that some things are best left unsaid.

I don't think that anyone should tell untruths about themselves or their circumstances. But then people should be open to listen without judgement on the one who tells the truth.

Everybody is motivated by only 2 things in life.

1. The desire for pleasure

2. The need to avoid pain

If being honest brings with it potential for pain, then often people will revert to lies. This just is the way that it is.

If one believes in the Christian faith, although truth telling is a requirement, there are ample examples where the truth was left unsaid because it would not have benefited the hearer.

This is wisdom. To know when to tell the truth, and to know when to deflect without lying or speaking untruth.

It is not always advantageous to tell the truth, nor is it right to lie. But then there is a place for not saying anything at all.....

jmo.
Oct 5, 2013 8:15 PM CST Honesty.........is it a lonely word?
Halv0
Halv0Halv0Marcoola, Queensland Australia19 Threads 766 Posts
About honesty.... They say that honesty is the best policy, but It think that some things are best left unsaid.

I don't think that anyone should tell untruths about themselves or their circumstances. But then people should be open to listen without judgement on the one who tells the truth.

Everybody is motivated by only 2 things in life.

1. The desire for pleasure

2. The need to avoid pain

If being honest brings with it potential for pain, then often people will revert to lies. This just is the way that it is.

If one believes in the Christian faith, although truth telling is a requirement, there are ample examples where the truth was left unsaid because it would not have benefited the hearer.

This is wisdom. To know when to tell the truth, and to know when to deflect without lying or speaking untruth.

It is not always advantageous to tell the truth, nor is it right to lie. But then there is a place for not saying anything at all.....

jmo.
Oct 5, 2013 9:15 PM CST Honesty.........is it a lonely word?
mickyj63
mickyj63mickyj63adelaide, South Australia Australia101 Threads 2,362 Posts
Short answer Miss L
Be honest
Be yourself

End of story !!
Oct 5, 2013 10:20 PM CST Honesty.........is it a lonely word?
LiLee
LiLeeLiLeeIpswich, Queensland Australia53 Threads 1,760 Posts
Thanks for your thoughts everyone. It seems the concensus here is to be truthful.

I am by nature an honest person and I know those that know me agree with that. I found the replies interesting when mentioned that sometimes it is better to keep quiet, rather than tell a lie if it’s felt that the truth could harm either yourself or others. This too, I agree with. Again the circumstances would warrent whether this was appropriate or not.

I do find that online dating does present a number of differences to meeting someone face to face in a social circle where the person you are meeting is known by others and you can guage how they are accepted by everyone or not and why. It doesn’t pay to be too suspicious and to give others the benefit of the doubt while slowly getting to know them. Another thing that frightens me away is the “full on too soon” approach that sets up alarm bells for me everytime. What’s wrong with taking a little time to date and get to know each other slowly?

To answer your question Serene, the reason I asked this question is that I had recently met someone online and then in person. They had put their age down by 5 years on their profile (see fellas, it happens to us girls as well) but had been up front about that by the third date and given their reasons. I understood and was assured they had been honest about everything else. I was also sent a text a short time later stating that their mother had come to visit and would be staying with them for a while. I took this at face value. Later on still, while visiting their house (btw the mother was away visiting another family member at the time, still haven't met her) I commented on the neatness of the linen closet while getting a tea towel and jokingly said “Are you sure your mum doesn’t live here” and the reply was “Yes she does, but I was embarrassed to tell you that”.

Just for the record, I have no problem with family members sharing the same house, in fact, it makes sense, but.......Now there's the second white lie and granted not too big a deal but again I was assured they had been honest about everything else. Here my suspicious were awoken and further questions arose......”Can I trust that there are no other little white lies?" "Is this the mother’s house?" "Are his circumstances as he has told me or a fabrication?" There's the Snowball effect you mentioned Nature.

Suddenly the small apparently harmless white lies have led to the beginnings of distrust and not a good place to be so early in the process of getting to know each other.

This is where I find online dating difficult, not knowing the person or anyone else the person knows makes you rely heavily on your instincts which can be very fragile and it doesn’t take much for the red flags to fly. Perhaps I am way too suspicious, and that’s why I’m still single. But I do value honesty and think building trust is a delicate process, expecially for us older, more tainted indiviuals who have been through a few knocks along the way.

We all have things that we hold back online. I know this better than anyone, as I am an amputee and wear a prosthetic hand. I do reveal this before I meet people but have been a bit reluctant to put on my profile as I don’t see the relevence until there is potential to meet up with someone. But to be completely honest with you all, I am a little embarrassed as I have felt the sting of rejection for this reason in the past. But have come to realise through true friends, that it’s better to be up front and not waste anyones time if this is an issue for perspective dates. Does this make me "the pot calling the kettle black?" Where is the line drawn between protecting yourself online and being honest up front. To me face to face is where it gets real, but others may disagree.

So I can see both sides of the question......damn it, theres my Libran personality coming out. dunno
Oct 5, 2013 11:02 PM CST Honesty.........is it a lonely word?
Lookin4missright
Lookin4missrightLookin4missrightmelbourne, Victoria Australia400 Threads 24,032 Posts
So I can see both sides of the question......damn it, theres my Libran personality coming out.



Blo*dy could be worse Miss L professor I'm a virgo and everytime someone comes over to my pad, they think i have a mum or i'm a poof gay coz i'm neat & tidy (excluding dust & smoke stains) blushing


teddybear bouquet hug




to be continued ................grin
Oct 5, 2013 11:12 PM CST Honesty.........is it a lonely word?
epirb
epirbepirbDannevirke, Hawke's Bay New Zealand32 Threads 2 Polls 7,379 Posts
LiLee: Thanks for your thoughts everyone. It seems the concensus here is to be truthful.

I am by nature an honest person and I know those that know me agree with that. I found the replies interesting when mentioned that sometimes it is better to keep quiet, rather than tell a lie if it’s felt that the truth could harm either yourself or others. This too, I agree with. Again the circumstances would warrent whether this was appropriate or not.

I do find that online dating does present a number of differences to meeting someone face to face in a social circle where the person you are meeting is known by others and you can guage how they are accepted by everyone or not and why. It doesn’t pay to be too suspicious and to give others the benefit of the doubt while slowly getting to know them. Another thing that frightens me away is the “full on too soon” approach that sets up alarm bells for me everytime. What’s wrong with taking a little time to date and get to know each other slowly?

To answer your question Serene, the reason I asked this question is that I had recently met someone online and then in person. They had put their age down by 5 years on their profile (see fellas, it happens to us girls as well) but had been up front about that by the third date and given their reasons. I understood and was assured they had been honest about everything else. I was also sent a text a short time later stating that their mother had come to visit and would be staying with them for a while. I took this at face value. Later on still, while visiting their house (btw the mother was away visiting another family member at the time, still haven't met her) I commented on the neatness of the linen closet while getting a tea towel and jokingly said “Are you sure your mum doesn’t live here” and the reply was “Yes she does, but I was embarrassed to tell you that”.

Just for the record, I have no problem with family members sharing the same house, in fact, it makes sense, but.......Now there's the second white lie and granted not too big a deal but again I was assured they had been honest about everything else. Here my suspicious were awoken and further questions arose......”Can I trust that there are no other little white lies?" "Is this the mother’s house?" "Are his circumstances as he has told me or a fabrication?" There's the Snowball effect you mentioned Nature.

Suddenly the small apparently harmless white lies have led to the beginnings of distrust and not a good place to be so early in the process of getting to know each other.

This is where I find online dating difficult, not knowing the person or anyone else the person knows makes you rely heavily on your instincts which can be very fragile and it doesn’t take much for the red flags to fly. Perhaps I am way too suspicious, and that’s why I’m still single. But I do value honesty and think building trust is a delicate process, expecially for us older, more tainted indiviuals who have been through a few knocks along the way.

We all have things that we hold back online. I know this better than anyone, as I am an amputee and wear a prosthetic hand. I do reveal this before I meet people but have been a bit reluctant to put on my profile as I don’t see the relevence until there is potential to meet up with someone. But to be completely honest with you all, I am a little embarrassed as I have felt the sting of rejection for this reason in the past. But have come to real

So I can see both sides of the question......damn it, theres my Libran personality coming out.
ya might have found yourself a virgin , has he ever left home ?errrr don't mind me .
ps had to dock your quote as it's over limit
Oct 6, 2013 12:48 AM CST Honesty.........is it a lonely word?
jem1964
jem1964jem1964Foothills of Dandenongs, Victoria Australia30 Threads 1 Polls 2,441 Posts
LiLee:
We all have things that we hold back online. I know this better than anyone, as I am an amputee and wear a prosthetic hand. I do reveal this before I meet people but have been a bit reluctant to put on my profile as I don’t see the relevence until there is potential to meet up with someone. But to be completely honest with you all, I am a little embarrassed as I have felt the sting of rejection for this reason in the past. But have come to realise through true friends, that it’s better to be up front and not waste anyones time if this is an issue for perspective dates. Does this make me "the pot calling the kettle black?" Where is the line drawn between protecting yourself online and being honest up front. To me face to face is where it gets real, but others may disagree.

So I can see both sides of the question......damn it, theres my Libran personality coming out.


You should never be embarassed because of someone elses small mindedness in rejecting you for what ever reason. The rejection is theirs and for them to feel guilt/embarrassment for, not you.
I didn't know you were an amputee but for me that just makes you more interesting as you have had to find ways of doing things that others would not consider.
To me it doesnt need to be in your profile as really it is something that is personal to you and doesnt need to be broadcast, you are you.
I will admit that there are things I dont share on my profile, only telling someone if I think it is beneficial to both us for them to know.
I suppose it comes down to that word "baggage"
We all have some, hopefully most of it is in th past, but some affects our every day lives and cannot be disregarded, but it is how we deal with the "baggage" that makes us the person we are.

I dont know that I would not be too impressed about the "white lie" about his Mum visiting, it is more than just a little thing and how did he think it was going to be in the future?
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