Should I tell her or keep my mouth shut? (17)
doggie_rescuer: I have a friend who is constantly dating men from the internet here in Sicily (not CS) and she is very gullible and believes their crazy stories (the last one said he was a pilot and when I checked into him he was not but she refuses to believe in sight of all the evidence that he is not a pilot) and now she has hooked up with another guy who is a controller, very jealous etc etc after only knowing her one week. The first date turned into a 3 day datathon where they talked about having babies together, going on holiday and living together, and now he exhibits extreme reactions to her being in a bar having a drink, dinner with male friends, criticising her smoking and drinking habits but she is so lonely and desperate for a relationship (she is 42 never married) that she keeps making excuses and running after these guys, texting them and calling and I have tried to tell her to let them come to her and if they are interested they will. I tried to help her with the wannabe pilot but she refused to believe he is not a pilot and now this new guy. I feel so sad for her because she refuses to see what these guys are.
SHould I keep my mouth shut or keep trying to help her?
SHould I keep my mouth shut or keep trying to help her?
Don`t keep your mouth shut. Nagging makes it worse - but a couple well placed comments should penetrate and make her think..... A raised eyebrow, a shrug, and NO sympathy.
When you know its only going to end in tears its hard to say nothing , can you not find someone for her good friends should be able to say what they feel but its upto the other one to listen
Its probably best that you keep quite, or you risk loosing the friendship.
Maybe try and talk to her more about how to find the right man.
I assume the guys she has been dating, are Italians.
I have heard this story so many times from female friends who have been involved with Italian guys, and invariably it ends in heartache, although there are one or two good guys out here.
Unfortunately many Italian males will spin all sorts of lies to get a woman into bed, and then seem to loose interest once the deed is done !
Many are just looking for a bit on the side and ivariably are already married so a relationship with one of these may not fade, but will certainly not go anywhere.
Try to explain this to her, rather than use one of her current boyfriends as an example, as she will only think it's sour grapes and you could loose the friendship.
JMHO
Best of luck !
Maybe try and talk to her more about how to find the right man.
I assume the guys she has been dating, are Italians.
I have heard this story so many times from female friends who have been involved with Italian guys, and invariably it ends in heartache, although there are one or two good guys out here.
Unfortunately many Italian males will spin all sorts of lies to get a woman into bed, and then seem to loose interest once the deed is done !
Many are just looking for a bit on the side and ivariably are already married so a relationship with one of these may not fade, but will certainly not go anywhere.
Try to explain this to her, rather than use one of her current boyfriends as an example, as she will only think it's sour grapes and you could loose the friendship.
JMHO
Best of luck !
doggie_rescuer: I have a friend who is constantly dating men from the internet here in Sicily (not CS) and she is very gullible and believes their crazy stories (the last one said he was a pilot and when I checked into him he was not but she refuses to believe in sight of all the evidence that he is not a pilot) and now she has hooked up with another guy who is a controller, very jealous etc etc after only knowing her one week. The first date turned into a 3 day datathon where they talked about having babies together, going on holiday and living together, and now he exhibits extreme reactions to her being in a bar having a drink, dinner with male friends, criticising her smoking and drinking habits but she is so lonely and desperate for a relationship (she is 42 never married) that she keeps making excuses and running after these guys, texting them and calling and I have tried to tell her to let them come to her and if they are interested they will. I tried to help her with the wannabe pilot but she refused to believe he is not a pilot and now this new guy. I feel so sad for her because she refuses to see what these guys are.
SHould I keep my mouth shut or keep trying to help her?
SHould I keep my mouth shut or keep trying to help her?
I think you answered your own question with:
"she refuses to believe in sight of all the evidence" so will it change anything if you tell her. They should put warning signs on men that are obvioius toxic people (or women for that matter) but even that wouldn't work. It ceratinly doesn't work on cigarette packages.
sorry Smoky had to put that in
oh yeah that's right she does the all natural roll em types how dumb can I be.
my 2 € cents worth
wooffy: I think you answered your own question with:
"she refuses to believe in sight of all the evidence" so will it change anything if you tell her. They should put warning signs on men that are obvioius toxic people (or women for that matter) but even that wouldn't work. It ceratinly doesn't work on cigarette packages.
sorry Smoky had to put that in
oh yeah that's right she does the all natural roll em types how dumb can I be.
my 2 € cents worth
"she refuses to believe in sight of all the evidence" so will it change anything if you tell her. They should put warning signs on men that are obvioius toxic people (or women for that matter) but even that wouldn't work. It ceratinly doesn't work on cigarette packages.
sorry Smoky had to put that in
oh yeah that's right she does the all natural roll em types how dumb can I be.
my 2 € cents worth
Ja, there is not much anyone can do with someone else. Well, she is a mature lady, and if she wants to be stupid, then that is her choice in life.
Your job is to be her friend, and friends should not sit in judgement of each other? Just relax, and let it be. As I said before, just a shrug, a small comment on anything ridiculous she gets herself into - as one would do to anyone doing something you consider stupid .........But you can`t make a person do something they don`t want to do......... Maybe this is her way to have some fun in her life? She can only learn by her own mistakes.......
..................
Oh Woofy, I had a look at my tobacco can ... and it only says something complicated looking in German - which I take is some sort of warning about the usual.
I do intend to quit smoking - before Winter arrives. The only problem is, I been trying to find out what will happen after so many years of smoking ... but there is no-one on earth who has smoked as long as I have ... and is still alive. I think I am smoked, you know, like meat that is smoked, so it doesnt go off? So with lots of alcohol, and the smoke, I should just keep going for many centuries........
smoky: Ja, there is not much anyone can do with someone else. Well, she is a mature lady, and if she wants to be stupid, then that is her choice in life.
Your job is to be her friend, and friends should not sit in judgement of each other? Just relax, and let it be. As I said before, just a shrug, a small comment on anything ridiculous she gets herself into - as one would do to anyone doing something you consider stupid .........But you can`t make a person do something they don`t want to do......... Maybe this is her way to have some fun in her life? She can only learn by her own mistakes.......
..................
Oh Woofy, I had a look at my tobacco can ... and it only says something complicated looking in German - which I take is some sort of warning about the usual.
I do intend to quit smoking - before Winter arrives. The only problem is, I been trying to find out what will happen after so many years of smoking ... but there is no-one on earth who has smoked as long as I have ... and is still alive. I think I am smoked, you know, like meat that is smoked, so it doesnt go off? So with lots of alcohol, and the smoke, I should just keep going for many centuries........
Your job is to be her friend, and friends should not sit in judgement of each other? Just relax, and let it be. As I said before, just a shrug, a small comment on anything ridiculous she gets herself into - as one would do to anyone doing something you consider stupid .........But you can`t make a person do something they don`t want to do......... Maybe this is her way to have some fun in her life? She can only learn by her own mistakes.......
..................
Oh Woofy, I had a look at my tobacco can ... and it only says something complicated looking in German - which I take is some sort of warning about the usual.
I do intend to quit smoking - before Winter arrives. The only problem is, I been trying to find out what will happen after so many years of smoking ... but there is no-one on earth who has smoked as long as I have ... and is still alive. I think I am smoked, you know, like meat that is smoked, so it doesnt go off? So with lots of alcohol, and the smoke, I should just keep going for many centuries........
That is what I always say Smoky in fact there is a saying in Flemish "Gerookt vlees blijft langer goed" When somebody uses this saying pertaining to smoking I always add: "dat klopt dan zal je langer goed blijven na je dood" (will continue in the right thread)
Hi DR, well she is 42 not 14 so if she can't work it out for herself by now then I think you might be fighting a loosing battle.
It depends on how patient you are to persist with trying to help her and to keep checking on and pointing out the misjudgments she is making.
Does she want to have children ? If so perhaps her biological clock is driving her a bit nuts and fearful of her time slipping away for this to happen. Or has she always been like this ?
Best of luck anyway, you sound like a good friend to her.
It depends on how patient you are to persist with trying to help her and to keep checking on and pointing out the misjudgments she is making.
Does she want to have children ? If so perhaps her biological clock is driving her a bit nuts and fearful of her time slipping away for this to happen. Or has she always been like this ?
Best of luck anyway, you sound like a good friend to her.
thanks all for the great feedback....she really wants a boyfriend and is tired of meeting "go nowheres" so I am just gonna keep my yapper shut and let it run it's course and be there when the guy lets her down.
yah they are all sicilian men..and these are the WORST men on the planet! liars and cheaters...wedding barely on the finger and they off looking for something else...
yah they are all sicilian men..and these are the WORST men on the planet! liars and cheaters...wedding barely on the finger and they off looking for something else...
doggie_rescuer: I have a friend who is constantly dating men from the internet here in Sicily (not CS) and she is very gullible and believes their crazy stories (the last one said he was a pilot and when I checked into him he was not but she refuses to believe in sight of all the evidence that he is not a pilot) and now she has hooked up with another guy who is a controller, very jealous etc etc after only knowing her one week. The first date turned into a 3 day datathon where they talked about having babies together, going on holiday and living together, and now he exhibits extreme reactions to her being in a bar having a drink, dinner with male friends, criticising her smoking and drinking habits but she is so lonely and desperate for a relationship (she is 42 never married) that she keeps making excuses and running after these guys, texting them and calling and I have tried to tell her to let them come to her and if they are interested they will. I tried to help her with the wannabe pilot but she refused to believe he is not a pilot and now this new guy. I feel so sad for her because she refuses to see what these guys are.
SHould I keep my mouth shut or keep trying to help her?
SHould I keep my mouth shut or keep trying to help her?
She is an adult woman, though from your description one can think that she’s a complete fool, I doubt that it is the case. In her deepest inside she knows what she is doing, and your interruption won’t give any positive result.
Let her to chase her dreams, everyone has right to have their dreams. And if it ended in a disaster, well... then be there for her, offer her your support, patience and understanding. That’s what friends are for.
But is it given that her every contact with a man has to end in a disaster? It’s possible that she would find her partner at last... Why not?
Tulefel: She is an adult woman, .........But is it given that her every contact with a man has to end in a disaster? It’s possible that she would find her partner at last... Why not?
doggie_rescuer: I have a friend who is constantly dating men from the internet here in Sicily (not CS) and she is very gullible and believes their crazy stories (the last one said he was a pilot and when I checked into him he was not but she refuses to believe in sight of all the evidence that he is not a pilot) and now she has hooked up with another guy who is a controller, very jealous etc etc after only knowing her one week. The first date turned into a 3 day datathon where they talked about having babies together, going on holiday and living together, and now he exhibits extreme reactions to her being in a bar having a drink, dinner with male friends, criticising her smoking and drinking habits but she is so lonely and desperate for a relationship (she is 42 never married) that she keeps making excuses and running after these guys, texting them and calling and I have tried to tell her to let them come to her and if they are interested they will. I tried to help her with the wannabe pilot but she refused to believe he is not a pilot and now this new guy. I feel so sad for her because she refuses to see what these guys are.
SHould I keep my mouth shut or keep trying to help her?
SHould I keep my mouth shut or keep trying to help her?
Keep trying,
I have been dating a guy for 8 months, he never comes to see me, he promised he would before the end of last year but yet another promise broken, and he wouldn't see me anytime over christmas and new year. My friends had all been saying for months that I was stupid to keep seeing him if he wouldn't make the effort. He still tells me he loves me, and maybe he does but not that much if he can't make any time for me over the last 3 weeks. And has a bunch of piss poor excuses as to why he couldn't even spare me an afternoon. I am glad my friends have been there for me and have finally talked some sense into me. I want a relationship too but to lose your friends and be in a destructive relationship just isn't worth it. You sound like you are a good friend, and I hope it all works out OK in the end.
Talking isn't doing it is it?
You known her for a long time so why don't you write down the list of relationships she's had in chronological order and give it to her after this one crashes. It's easy to ignore what someone is saying as it goes in one ear and out the other, on a piece of paper it can be read and re-read again and maybe on the fourth or fifth time it might get thru...unless she throws it out!
You known her for a long time so why don't you write down the list of relationships she's had in chronological order and give it to her after this one crashes. It's easy to ignore what someone is saying as it goes in one ear and out the other, on a piece of paper it can be read and re-read again and maybe on the fourth or fifth time it might get thru...unless she throws it out!
doggie_rescuer: I have a friend who is constantly dating men from the internet here in Sicily (not CS) and she is very gullible and believes their crazy stories (the last one said he was a pilot and when I checked into him he was not but she refuses to believe in sight of all the evidence that he is not a pilot) and now she has hooked up with another guy who is a controller, very jealous etc etc after only knowing her one week. The first date turned into a 3 day datathon where they talked about having babies together, going on holiday and living together, and now he exhibits extreme reactions to her being in a bar having a drink, dinner with male friends, criticising her smoking and drinking habits but she is so lonely and desperate for a relationship (she is 42 never married) that she keeps making excuses and running after these guys, texting them and calling and I have tried to tell her to let them come to her and if they are interested they will. I tried to help her with the wannabe pilot but she refused to believe he is not a pilot and now this new guy. I feel so sad for her because she refuses to see what these guys are.
SHould I keep my mouth shut or keep trying to help her?
SHould I keep my mouth shut or keep trying to help her?
No you should not keep your mouth shut. Give her my name and particulars, and tell her how to find me!!
At least I am not Sicilian, yes they are really disgusting those Sicilians, all married men proclaiming to be single!!
doggie_rescuer: I have a friend who is constantly dating men from the internet here in Sicily (not CS) and she is very gullible and believes their crazy stories (the last one said he was a pilot and when I checked into him he was not but she refuses to believe in sight of all the evidence that he is not a pilot) and now she has hooked up with another guy who is a controller, very jealous etc etc after only knowing her one week. The first date turned into a 3 day datathon where they talked about having babies together, going on holiday and living together, and now he exhibits extreme reactions to her being in a bar having a drink, dinner with male friends, criticising her smoking and drinking habits but she is so lonely and desperate for a relationship (she is 42 never married) that she keeps making excuses and running after these guys, texting them and calling and I have tried to tell her to let them come to her and if they are interested they will. I tried to help her with the wannabe pilot but she refused to believe he is not a pilot and now this new guy. I feel so sad for her because she refuses to see what these guys are.
SHould I keep my mouth shut or keep trying to help her?
SHould I keep my mouth shut or keep trying to help her?
I don't think telling her will do any good.
Some things have to be learned by experience.
Warn her if you think a guy is dangerous, but for those who are just a**hole it might be better to talk about other a**hole you have known in the past and what they did and let her make the association for herself. That way you can't be accused and she will feel like she is coming to the realization by herself instead of feeling like you are accusing her of being stupid and gullible.
Excuse me but eveytime I see this thread and put 'Doggie' and 'Keep my mouth shut'.......Well folk's the two just don't go together(JMO)
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SHould I keep my mouth shut or keep trying to help her?