For what reason............ (46)
josingleinspainLa Cala, Andalusia Spain86 Threads 1 Polls 430 PostsIf a relationship does not work out, do either or both paties become so mean and nasty to the person that they once loved???????
josingleinspain: If a relationship does not work out,why do either or both paties become so mean and nasty to the person that they once loved???????
In response to: If a relationship does not work out, do either or both paties become so mean and nasty to the person that they once loved???????
That´s never happened to me, but it seems to be the norm for most people.
JAN_is: That´s never happened to me, but it seems to be the norm for most people.
It all depends really.... if there's cheating involved, I could see that going nasty. Happened to me.... but for the sake of the kids I was very civilized about it all.
josingleinspain: If a relationship does not work out, do either or both paties become so mean and nasty to the person that they once loved???????
I am sure there is no patent answer to this one. Maybe like Englishman said Emotional Defence or Kid statement destroy what they cant have or dont have anymore.
Beats me why this happens, live and let live is my motto
josingleinspain: If a relationship does not work out, do either or both paties become so mean and nasty to the person that they once loved???????
I can only speak for me...
The short answer is no..Longer answer only longer...But it's the same.
josingleinspain: Ditto same happened here...Now i am going to have to go to court to say i am sorry apperantly.....(haha) Not sure what for as he was the cheating party.I have to say pretty stunned to say the least....
Like I said... probably a defence mechanism for them...... easier to blame someone else than admit to their own missgivings, inadequacies, cheating and lies
And the answer is NO... I have reason to say... yes (in regards to the enemy)...Nope..And Nope again...
Phoenix: And the answer is NO... I have reason to say... yes (in regards to the enemy)...Nope..And Nope again...
ok, we hear you....
josingleinspain: If a relationship does not work out, do either or both paties become so mean and nasty to the person that they once loved???????
Don’t know. When I’ve come to conclusion that my Swedish marriage failed, I asked him for divorce. At that time we were living parallel lives. We had no children in common. I had no financial demands. And it took almost 2 years for him to get his physical body to an advocate. The procedure itself took 20 minutes. Yes, I felt bitter and irritated all the two years before as I couldn’t understand his reluctance, couldn’t leave his house, couldn’t continue with my life. And I felt bitter and irritated a good while after as he just didn’t leave me alone. He could appear on my threshold without any warning and stood there breathing heavily glaring at me without a world… (even the memory of it annoys me…) until I’d let him in and offer a cup of tea. Such a misery. Oh, I kept it civilized, and still do, as I had to leave my car at his place.
For what reason people do things like this? Actually I asked him more than once what exactly he was trying to accomplish by keeping me prisoner, and then watching me. Have never got any answer. But it was a relief to move to another town and finish all contact face to face.
The end is good, everything is good.
makis822: There is a very "thin border" between love hate...!
Well that is what they say not too sure....if you look at how some behave that can never come from a place of love. Not in my world anyway.josingleinspain: If a relationship does not work out, do either or both paties become so mean and nasty to the person that they once loved???????
Maybe it's to do with their past.
Hey! VERY interesting thread this Josi!
I just going to have a shower, pour a whisky and soda ... and then return to give the reason for this weird behaviour ....
... Watch this space ......hahahaaaaa
I just going to have a shower, pour a whisky and soda ... and then return to give the reason for this weird behaviour ....
... Watch this space ......hahahaaaaa
smoky: Hey! VERY interesting thread this Josi!
I just going to have a shower, pour a whisky and soda ... and then return to give the reason for this weird behaviour ....
... Watch this space ......hahahaaaaa
We will be watching!I just going to have a shower, pour a whisky and soda ... and then return to give the reason for this weird behaviour ....
... Watch this space ......hahahaaaaa
But it is most likely a Defensemechanism,as mentioned before.
And Anger is always directed inward,no matter what!
Conrad73: We will be watching!
But it is most likely a Defensemechanism,as mentioned before.
And Anger is always directed inward,no matter what!
Good, I am so glad you are still watching this space......But it is most likely a Defensemechanism,as mentioned before.
And Anger is always directed inward,no matter what!
Okay, I had my shower, and a whisky ... .and then ate my most delicious Spaghetti Bolognaise that only I know how to make ... and then the boyfriend pitched ... and drank a beer, and ate some bolognaise, washed down with a Vietnamese Coffee laced with whisky, and I had a couple more whiskys ..... and now I am back here ..... with the REASON for this weird behaviour.
Okay, the reason people get nasty when divorcing is: In the beginning they were not complete in themselves .. they were actually seeking for the "other half of themselves or what they were lacking"......(dress how I want you to dress, or cook how I want you to cook, or talk like I want you to talk, have no friends other than MY friends, etc etc)
Sooo.... you get a person seeking something to complete THEMSELF. And this usually means finding someone to dominate. They dominate this "other half" until nothing is left to dominate ... the "other half" has become the same as themselves (hoping to please their partner)...... and they hate what they have "created"(a reflection of themselves, not what originally attracted them). And then this other person wants OUT .... Which leaves them with their half-formed selves ...... and they then hate this other person ... So they take half of everything .....Breaking up everything ... and hoping to completely ruin what is pulling away from their control..... to make themselves feel "in control" and superior .. but actually behaving like they are clutching at something to save themselves.
I seen these Grabbers all my life .. in my own, and in others lives ... they never change. Bring on the Divorce, and they go into action ... a War is declared. One can only pity them, cause they have no Self.
smoky: Good, I am so glad you are still watching this space......
Okay, I had my shower, and a whisky ... .and then ate my most delicious Spaghetti Bolognaise that only I know how to make ... and then the boyfriend pitched ... and drank a beer, and ate some bolognaise, washed down with a Vietnamese Coffee laced with whisky, and I had a couple more whiskys ..... and now I am back here ..... with the REASON for this weird behaviour.
Okay, the reason people get nasty when divorcing is: In the beginning they were not complete in themselves .. they were actually seeking for the "other half of themselves or what they were lacking"......(dress how I want you to dress, or cook how I want you to cook, or talk like I want you to talk, have no friends other than MY friends, etc etc)
Sooo.... you get a person seeking something to complete THEMSELF. And this usually means finding someone to dominate. They dominate this "other half" until nothing is left to dominate ... the "other half" has become the same as themselves (hoping to please their partner)...... and they hate what they have "created"(a reflection of themselves, not what originally attracted them). And then this other person wants OUT .... Which leaves them with their half-formed selves ...... and they then hate this other person ... So they take half of everything .....Breaking up everything ... and hoping to completely ruin what is pulling away from their control..... to make themselves feel "in control" and superior .. but actually behaving like they are clutching at something to save themselves.
I seen these Grabbers all my life .. in my own, and in others lives ... they never change. Bring on the Divorce, and they go into action ... a War is declared. One can only pity them, cause they have no Self.
Thought it had to be more than One Whiskey!Okay, I had my shower, and a whisky ... .and then ate my most delicious Spaghetti Bolognaise that only I know how to make ... and then the boyfriend pitched ... and drank a beer, and ate some bolognaise, washed down with a Vietnamese Coffee laced with whisky, and I had a couple more whiskys ..... and now I am back here ..... with the REASON for this weird behaviour.
Okay, the reason people get nasty when divorcing is: In the beginning they were not complete in themselves .. they were actually seeking for the "other half of themselves or what they were lacking"......(dress how I want you to dress, or cook how I want you to cook, or talk like I want you to talk, have no friends other than MY friends, etc etc)
Sooo.... you get a person seeking something to complete THEMSELF. And this usually means finding someone to dominate. They dominate this "other half" until nothing is left to dominate ... the "other half" has become the same as themselves (hoping to please their partner)...... and they hate what they have "created"(a reflection of themselves, not what originally attracted them). And then this other person wants OUT .... Which leaves them with their half-formed selves ...... and they then hate this other person ... So they take half of everything .....Breaking up everything ... and hoping to completely ruin what is pulling away from their control..... to make themselves feel "in control" and superior .. but actually behaving like they are clutching at something to save themselves.
I seen these Grabbers all my life .. in my own, and in others lives ... they never change. Bring on the Divorce, and they go into action ... a War is declared. One can only pity them, cause they have no Self.
smoky: Good, I am so glad you are still watching this space......
Okay, I had my shower, and a whisky ... .and then ate my most delicious Spaghetti Bolognaise that only I know how to make ... and then the boyfriend pitched ... and drank a beer, and ate some bolognaise, washed down with a Vietnamese Coffee laced with whisky, and I had a couple more whiskys ..... and now I am back here ..... with the REASON for this weird behaviour.
Okay, the reason people get nasty when divorcing is: In the beginning they were not complete in themselves .. they were actually seeking for the "other half of themselves or what they were lacking"......(dress how I want you to dress, or cook how I want you to cook, or talk like I want you to talk, have no friends other than MY friends, etc etc)
Sooo.... you get a person seeking something to complete THEMSELF. And this usually means finding someone to dominate. They dominate this "other half" until nothing is left to dominate ... the "other half" has become the same as themselves (hoping to please their partner)...... and they hate what they have "created"(a reflection of themselves, not what originally attracted them). And then this other person wants OUT .... Which leaves them with their half-formed selves ...... and they then hate this other person ... So they take half of everything .....Breaking up everything ... and hoping to completely ruin what is pulling away from their control..... to make themselves feel "in control" and superior .. but actually behaving like they are clutching at something to save themselves.
I seen these Grabbers all my life .. in my own, and in others lives ... they never change. Bring on the Divorce, and they go into action ... a War is declared. One can only pity them, cause they have no Self.
Okay, I had my shower, and a whisky ... .and then ate my most delicious Spaghetti Bolognaise that only I know how to make ... and then the boyfriend pitched ... and drank a beer, and ate some bolognaise, washed down with a Vietnamese Coffee laced with whisky, and I had a couple more whiskys ..... and now I am back here ..... with the REASON for this weird behaviour.
Okay, the reason people get nasty when divorcing is: In the beginning they were not complete in themselves .. they were actually seeking for the "other half of themselves or what they were lacking"......(dress how I want you to dress, or cook how I want you to cook, or talk like I want you to talk, have no friends other than MY friends, etc etc)
Sooo.... you get a person seeking something to complete THEMSELF. And this usually means finding someone to dominate. They dominate this "other half" until nothing is left to dominate ... the "other half" has become the same as themselves (hoping to please their partner)...... and they hate what they have "created"(a reflection of themselves, not what originally attracted them). And then this other person wants OUT .... Which leaves them with their half-formed selves ...... and they then hate this other person ... So they take half of everything .....Breaking up everything ... and hoping to completely ruin what is pulling away from their control..... to make themselves feel "in control" and superior .. but actually behaving like they are clutching at something to save themselves.
I seen these Grabbers all my life .. in my own, and in others lives ... they never change. Bring on the Divorce, and they go into action ... a War is declared. One can only pity them, cause they have no Self.
Amother great response,this time from Smokey,full of personal insight and bang on the button.Also,this goes back a little to my thread on Perverse Narcissism.What they can,t have (which they know is good)they do not want anyone else to have,so they try to destroy it.It,s a bit like the child who jumps up and down on some other kids nice toy " Well if I can,t have it I,ll break it so that nobody else can have it". These are the type of kids who swipe a foot across some other kids beautiful sandcastle on the beach,then they grow into adults and behave exactly the same way.In the end,they will destroy themselves,so just keep shining and be happy.
Elley: Best reply I,ve read.last part anyway.
This week was the big trial where my ex wants to get me put in jail.Case was suspended on an admin error,now slated for Jan next year.This has been going on since June 2005!!! In the last five years there have been sixteen trials,I won em all.
There have also been threats and intimidation (her and her brothers)physical attacks,one attempt on my life.Also, so far I have lost two cars,two flats,a business,had ten grands worth of personal and professional things stolen by her and lost about 150k in earnings. I wish I could say that this was all about money,it aint,its exactly what kidda said,seek and destroy.She has vowed to see me in nick or dead and five years on she is showing no signs of letting up. The only reason I hang around is for my 8 year old son who is pure gold.
I now have serious-ish health issues due to all this nonsense.However,this week in court I saw her for the first time in ages close uppish and she looked haggard.Could be she made herself look haggard to get the courts sympathy(an old trick)or she really is beginning to look as ugly on the outside as she is on the inside(shades of Dorian Grey).I like to think the latter.
As for me,health issues apart,I look bloody great on the outside.
When you shine on the inside you shine on the outside too,and I,m shining right through to the marrow..
This week was the big trial where my ex wants to get me put in jail.Case was suspended on an admin error,now slated for Jan next year.This has been going on since June 2005!!! In the last five years there have been sixteen trials,I won em all.
There have also been threats and intimidation (her and her brothers)physical attacks,one attempt on my life.Also, so far I have lost two cars,two flats,a business,had ten grands worth of personal and professional things stolen by her and lost about 150k in earnings. I wish I could say that this was all about money,it aint,its exactly what kidda said,seek and destroy.She has vowed to see me in nick or dead and five years on she is showing no signs of letting up. The only reason I hang around is for my 8 year old son who is pure gold.
I now have serious-ish health issues due to all this nonsense.However,this week in court I saw her for the first time in ages close uppish and she looked haggard.Could be she made herself look haggard to get the courts sympathy(an old trick)or she really is beginning to look as ugly on the outside as she is on the inside(shades of Dorian Grey).I like to think the latter.
As for me,health issues apart,I look bloody great on the outside.
When you shine on the inside you shine on the outside too,and I,m shining right through to the marrow..
Elley: Best reply I,ve read.last part anyway.
This week was the big trial where my ex wants to get me put in jail.Case was suspended on an admin error,now slated for Jan next year.This has been going on since June 2005!!! In the last five years there have been sixteen trials,I won em all.
There have also been threats and intimidation (her and her brothers)physical attacks,one attempt on my life.Also, so far I have lost two cars,two flats,a business,had ten grands worth of personal and professional things stolen by her and lost about 150k in earnings. I wish I could say that this was all about money,it aint,its exactly what kidda said,seek and destroy.She has vowed to see me in nick or dead and five years on she is showing no signs of letting up. The only reason I hang around is for my 8 year old son who is pure gold.
I now have serious-ish health issues due to all this nonsense.However,this week in court I saw her for the first time in ages close uppish and she looked haggard.Could be she made herself look haggard to get the courts sympathy(an old trick)or she really is beginning to look as ugly on the outside as she is on the inside(shades of Dorian Grey).I like to think the latter.
As for me,health issues apart,I look bloody great on the outside.
When you shine on the inside you shine on the outside too,and I,m shining right through to the marrow..
This week was the big trial where my ex wants to get me put in jail.Case was suspended on an admin error,now slated for Jan next year.This has been going on since June 2005!!! In the last five years there have been sixteen trials,I won em all.
There have also been threats and intimidation (her and her brothers)physical attacks,one attempt on my life.Also, so far I have lost two cars,two flats,a business,had ten grands worth of personal and professional things stolen by her and lost about 150k in earnings. I wish I could say that this was all about money,it aint,its exactly what kidda said,seek and destroy.She has vowed to see me in nick or dead and five years on she is showing no signs of letting up. The only reason I hang around is for my 8 year old son who is pure gold.
I now have serious-ish health issues due to all this nonsense.However,this week in court I saw her for the first time in ages close uppish and she looked haggard.Could be she made herself look haggard to get the courts sympathy(an old trick)or she really is beginning to look as ugly on the outside as she is on the inside(shades of Dorian Grey).I like to think the latter.
As for me,health issues apart,I look bloody great on the outside.
When you shine on the inside you shine on the outside too,and I,m shining right through to the marrow..
Wondering what your selection criteria were...
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