single Mummy venting!!! (9)

Hi everyone :)

I am a single Mummy, and i need to vent about something.

I have been a single mummy to my 3 yr old daughter since i was 3 months pregnant ( long story) and her "dad" has not been around since i was 3 months pregnant :/

Well basically, i get messages from men saying "you seem like a great girl, i would like to see you and maybe be a father to your daughter".

Now SERIOUSLY??? Im very happy playing the Mummy and Daddy role to my daughter, She DOESNT need a daddy. im on this site for me not her.

While I have no doubt you are doing a great job at raising your daughter I think it is only right that if a man is to come into your life that he should consider his possible future role within the 'family'

I actually commend the men who consider your daughter, though some may be referring to the 'father' aspect a tad too early, but their intentions are hopefully sincere.

You have to remember, this is also a big thing from a man's perspective and if they see that you view them with no role as a fatherly figure in your eyes, how else do you view them or is it only in a 'when I need you' role.

I believe not, as I can understand your concerns, being left as you were by the biological father. It is a case of one step at a time in any future relationship you have.

Also, while you feel your daughter may not need a fatherly figure, it is well known that having two parents certainly aids their development and who knows, as she grows older she may feel she is missing out when she see's her friends that do have two parents.. though that seems to be getting rarer these days..

Hope your dreams come true anyway, for you both..

What they really mean is that "I don't have a life blah blah, i wanna meet you (basically any girl that seems in a vulnerable state etc) and date blah blah

Well… if you are looking for some fun and brief encounters, then you don’t have to mention your child at all, since the propositions to become a father to your daughter annoy you so much.

Though I wouldn’t recommend frittering away one’s time (and youth) on brief encounters. It’s just not worth it.

You have a child, and that means you have a family to consider. To become a parent changes one’s life for all the future – there’s no way back. And I agree with the poster above: a child needs two parents. So I think it’d be wiser of you to look on men from that perspective as well.

Sweetheart sorry to break your cherry but you can't play both mom & dad...You are the mom end off..I'm am sure you are giving your daughter all the love and protection she needs..

And as for blokes PM-ing you saying they'd like to be her father...Sorry fella's she has a father..(fact that he's no longer around is a different ball park..)

And you'er smack on the button saying you are here for you and good luck on your quest..(tuffy (JMO) was fairly close to the mark about blokes thinking of you as young and vunerable..)

I think there are two faces to this. Some men may think you’re vulnerable or need a man to ‘help’ you raise your daughter, and so use this as a means of playing games, etc. I think if they use ‘father’ when they don’t even know you – they surely fall in this category.

On the other hand, it could also mean that a man is ready to shoulder some responsibility for your child. You cannot expect that a man ignores that you have a child if he is looking for a serious relationship (even though he’s interested in you), and I don’t think it would actually be a good thing if he does not consider this. I know a few men who wouldn’t even consider dating a single mother due to the responsibility they feel it entails.

I actually sent you an e-mail a few days back where I asked you to get to know each other, but you haven’t replied. I didn’t mention your child in the e-mail, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t consider the fact that you have a child. But I sent you the e-mail cos I would be interested in getting to know you.

Fella, Rome wasn't built in a day...Just maybe you are on a short list. The wee girl is a single mom (maybe there are more important matters at home for her to sort out..maybe her net connection is down...) Relax..she'll get in touch..Keep the faith.