Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house Not a creature was stirring not even my spouse As she laid there so peaceful and all so calm I remembered last year I had her embalmed So I got my new hand cart I got last year And took her down stairs for what that’s not clear I said oh look honey there is no tree But soon realized that she could not see So I thanked Saint Nick for all he has done The present he brought me a new shiny gun For when I saw George up under the tree He was kissing and hugging my spouse you see So as I began to unload all the rounds They screamed and yelled till there was no sound So I turned out the lights and went back to bed With visions of Christmas still in my head Merry Christmas to all and to all a goodnight Don’t worry no more there’s no one to fight