Is there someone as feckless as myself?
But just as lusty when the mood is right
Someone who won’t mind washing the delft,
Watching the football and drinking all night

Don’t expect me to decorate,
Cut down trees or dig the weeds
I won’t be much help if you’re in a state
But I may surprise you with selfless deeds

I have a temper and love a good rant
But I’ll calm down soon if you just agree
I’ll do what I can and shirk what I can’t
So you better get used to humouring me

Your family will hate me so best we don’t meet
Tell them I’m shy and I work odd hours
I’m much too boring to flirt or to cheat
On Valentine’s Day, there’ll always be flowers

I’ve got a good memory and won’t forget
Birthday and anniversary cards
I’ll annually mark the day that we met
With food and wine and kindest regards

I’ll break every promise I promised to keep
So promise you’ll never hold me to them
And every night before we fall asleep
I’ll kiss your cold shoulder and whisper Je t’aime