For passengers who're waiting,
For the 8-13 to Paignton,
This service is reported running late.
In fact the truth behind it
Is we simply can not find it,
So we ask you to be patient please and wait
Upon the platform,
Until my colleague fills out that form,
That we use whenever we mislay a train;
Though we usually find them hiding,
Down some sleepy little siding,
There's some are lost and never seen again.
Now, You might not imagine
That, twelve coaches and an engine,
Can disappear completely from the line;
Well, perhaps the odd occasion,
But it truly is amazing,
'cos in fact, it seems to happen all the time.
But our customers are stoic,
Play the martyr,
Act heroic,
They'll never be the ones to lay the fault,
'cos experience has taught 'em,
That each and every autumn,
One leaf can bring the network to a halt.
And then in dark December,
(It's tradition now, remember),
We turn off all the heat until July.
Then at the height of summer,
(And this really is a bummer),
We turn it on and let the buggers fry.
Will passengers, who're waiting,
On platform one for Paignton,
Please make their way across to platform nine;
It's not that there's a train there
(But)
You'll be standing in the rain there,
And the half-mile walk will help you pass the time