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Resuscitating the real me

Slowly but surely you faded
You sucked away my vanity
Replaced it with insanity
Low self-esteem could have been the death of me
No self-confidence, always felt unworthy
Knock off version of Barbie unoriginal beyond any doubt
Black short and fat and everybody would act as if I didn’t stand out
I was the only black girl in all my classes
And I guess I fit the stereotypes of loving chicken and oh their favourite one "black girls have big asses"
Blonde trophies to the right of me and smart brunettes and red heads to the left
In front of me was their beauty
Behind me lost in the shadows was my vanity
Half dead still clinging on to old memories to survive
Asking me how could I let any girl lower my ego when I won 6 beauty pageants since I was 5?
The memory of being the little gymnastics queen
Who can still do the same moves at nineteen
Long hair and chocolate skin with a little sheen
Put vanity back in business behind a protective screen
I stopped eating I forced the weight to go
I stopped crying and used make up to block them from seeing my true feelings I vowed I'll never let them show
Strange how the bullying turned to loving when I started to look better how that happened? I’ll never know
But all this vanity is like commodity that I’ll later exchange for modesty
At least I can pretend I’ve never felt the wrath of despondency.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: Aug 2012

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Comments (9)

Freckles123
Hi Lorii,
Loved the write, thanks for sharing... from reading your poem I feel that even though you went through some real rough times with these girls name calling and belittling you, it is YOU who emerged victorious, as for all the wasted effort they put into trying to break you down, THEY DIDN'T, they just made you stronger and instilled a decency in you that will shine through your whole life long..
So.. you could toy with titles in the range of.. victorious.... you only made me stronger..... I am what I am... etc... just some random maybe's that I hope might inspire you to choose your title..
Best Wishes.
Freckles
teddybear
gnj4u
Hi, lorii,
Perhaps, using stage direction terminology: "Light Rises Within. Fade to Black."
morgen90210
Hmm dear kinky Lori ..a naming game? Well I see VANITY written all over it with black pepper on top...black vanity? Or faded vanity that comes to my mind ...
By the way ..i share your pain coz I was bullied and name called and not even allowed to join in their games!
Reading yours brought Back many unpleasant memories ...you are one Mighty lady .Our demon long past still haunts !! GIRL remember you have a good and strong heart .the road ahead is not going to be any easier for you too! Your faith in yourself and Jesus is what keeping you going on ...wish could give you a hug and say thank you for sharing . hug
madtat29
I hide behind a mask...is what i would call it..welcome to the shadows
Winter_Cherry
Great job thumbs up
Really enjoyed it, good luck to you in everything you do.
Stay true to yourself, you are worth it.

wine
Dementia
Another good poem written from deep within your soul. I would name this one Inner Battle of Self Worth. But what you don't realize is that you should not worry so much about your vanity. Set yourself free from others opinions of you. Even your own battle of your looks cause you're beautiful inside. You know I'm not blowing smoke up your a**. scold I'm being real with you. professor
peace
lorii
Omg thanks guys :) cheers thank you so much for reading and commenting and title ideas lolz. I thank you all for taking your time and LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL "kinky Lorii" rolling on the floor laughing thats a new one. loolz but yeah this little nameing game paid off because i thought of a name! :) thank you all. Lorii x purple heart
Poetnumber1
Hi Lori i once traveled that long and harsh world but these experiences only makes us stronger to continue to be ourselves and not a reflection of what others may want us to be.You only feel worthless when you allow others to dictate just how much you're really worth,so hold your head up for you're worth more than gold.Thanks for sharing a touching write yet again,well donehandshake hug M.M
lorii
Thank you very much for reading, understanding and commenting :) wave wine I'm so sorry that anyone has to go through things like that sigh

Lorii drinking
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