Difficult I am



I know you find me difficult,
I wish that I could be
Somebody different
but you know its not me!

I have tried to change
the way I am
But a full circle has turned
back where I began!

I dont know why ,
you feel it is because of you
Its not anything that you've said
or anything you do!

Sometimes I need to be alone
to be free,
That doesn't mean I was saying
you cage me!

I like to be cranky, moody,
solemn and sad
Its all just a a part of who I am
I am sorry if this makes you mad!

I know you want me to let you in
help you to see
I cant tell you of things
deep inside me
not because I dont trust you
I trust you more than you know
But the Demons inside of me
I will never show

To do so would mean I have to go back
and relive it again
Im not strong enough to do that
there is too much pain

Dont tell me if I never try
I will never know
I've already been there
and I paid the price to go!

I believe that some things
are better left unsaid
just as the story of my life
is better left unread!

It is all the simple things
you dont understand
Like why I find it difficult
to just hold your hand!

In life there are lessons
that we must learn
My lessons were harsh and cruel
I got burnt!

It has taken me a long time
to get use to touch
The things you take for granted
the things you love so much!

So when I freeze or pull away
dont think that it is you
Sometimes I cant control
the times that I do!

I hate when you are sad
and the reason is me
I want so much to run to hold you
but something always makes me let you be.

One moment turns into an eternity
Its too late
the moment is gone
I can never get it back
never change where I was wrong

Silence becomes so loud
when its words you want to hear
I know you want answers
but it is my words that I fear!

Silence is the only way
I can cope
every second that passes by
Im trying not to choke

When I cant help you understand
and you can not see
Too many times before
my words have been used against me


Please dont make me feel guilty
like many try too
Because thats when i will say good bye
I do not do it to you!

I just want you to accept me
for the way that I am
You dont have to deal with it
or understand!

I dont want your pity
or your sympathy
Accept the fact that I wont change
and just let me be

I've been this way for a long time
Its how I protect
It doesnt make me sad
nor do I regret!