God created the world in six 24 hour days
Then on the Sunday he rested
Then God caught Adam and Eve eating apples
And he threw them out of the garden of Eden
Then Cain killed Abel because God likes lamb chops more than broccoli
Then Noah road on an ark with two of each animal
Everyone else drowned because they were wicked
Then Moses freed the slaves, parted the Red Sea
And got the 10 Commandments
Later on in a town called Sodam and Gomorrah
They anally raped strangers to death and wanted to rape angels too
So God destroyed them and turned Lot's wife into a pillar of salt
David then killed Goliath with a slingshot
Jonah gets swallowed by a whale and lives inside it for a few days
The devil bets God Job will stop praising him
If God kills off his servants, family, and livestock
God proves Satan wrong and gives Job back his abundance
Jesus is born in a stable
Because in olden times you couldn't make reservations
Mary and Joesph take Jesus to Egypt
Because King Herod would have Jesus killed if they stayed
Thirty years later we find Jesus performing miracles
Turning water into wine
Healing the sick, blind, lepers, bring dead people to life
Walking on water
Turning a few fishes and loaves into many more fishes and loaves
Driving out demons, washing feet, and telling inspirations stories
Then Jesus gets betrayed by one of his disciples named Judas
Jesus gets crucified, Judas gets some gold coins and kills himself
Jesus then comes back from the dead three days later
Then he hangs out with his other disciples and then goes up to heaven
Then a long time after that the world will end
There will be four horsemen, a lot of angels blowing on trumpets
The dead will be judged
Satan will be chained up for a thousand years
And Jesus will come back to rule the Earth
The End