One by one the contestants lined up
With their pants to mid mast lowered
Here they were, the best of the best
At the Aquim World competition for farting

Three different areas they would all be judged on
For this honour to be World Champion
The judges were ready to sound the bell
And the audience in their seats all excited

The sound it made was deemed important
Whether pitched high, low or an explosive sound
The length sustained was of high importance
But the smell achieved would be the winning glory

First off the rank was the wharfie, Mary the Fairy
Short of stature but wide of girth
Out ripped the farts like from a machine gun
And the smell was quite something to sniff

The audience roared their appreciation
While some on the front seats gagged
The judges conferred, seemed unanimous
The score card they held up read a seven

Next came a lady, well only by name
Her arse took up two seats coming here on the plane
She let forth a rip that droned on and on
For something so loud the smell was gone

The audience groaned, their disappointment clear
They expected something, a quality much better
The judges were quick, up went the card
To her was given nothing better than three

Next was Abdhul Hameed, the driver of camels
A hairy posterior matted with shyte
He let rip with a smell most foul
Then tragedy struck, down his legs it ran

The audience gasped, then yelled in disgust
Rules were broken, this just was not allowed
Up jumped the judges with red card displayed
Abdhul forced to leave with head hung in shame

Patrick Fitzmichael, the Irishman next
A digger of ditches, a man in training for years
The sound was loud, a high pitched squeal
And the smell was rather obnoxious

The crowd went wild as the smell hit them
He was the best this night so far
Nine point five, the judges’ card read
Tonight he was far out in front

The last one to go was a man named Bluey
He was an Aussie, real tall and skinny
The audience booed, what could he do
This skinny roustabout from the bush

His hands reached back and his cheeks opened
The audience gasped as it winked at them
No warning at all, the sound suddenly reached them
Super sonic boom like a jet flying past

From the strength of the blast the first row fell
And the second in their seats were rocked
Shocked were the judges, how could this happen
Never in history had a blast been this strong

On and on the sound kept coming
Would the end never arrive
Then oh my gawd, the smell that followed
One whiff enough and down they fell

The judges from pockets their gas masks they grabbed
Never once they’ve been needed before
On the spot Bluey was given the coveted medal
Of the best farter in the whole wide world

Those still conscious in the audience
Could barely manage a cheer
But Bluey was happy as his pants he lifted
For he still had plenty left to give