I seem to be spending
All the waking hours of my lonely existence ~
All the stressful times that make up my days ~

Thinking of how it will feel
When I drive up to your kitchen door
And climb out of my car.

Quietly as a mouse I bring in all goodies
That will hopefully please you
And bring you pleasure.

Only then do I make that slight sound ~
That brief alarm that alerts you
Of my arrival.

You slowly ascend into the kitchen for our ritual ~
That cherished first moment when our eyes lock ~
That magnetic first second when your strong arms
Surround me and hold me close.

The feel of your hard body as it presses against
the softness of my own.

Your arms hold me tightly
As your hands gently caress
My awaiting flesh.

Your lips softly touch upon mine
As you gently cup my upturned face
In those strong hands I love so much.

Their touch telling me that you know
Beyond a doubt ~
That I am yours ~
And yours alone.

I am in Heaven!

But then reality sets in ~
And my mind quickly advances to the future.

In only a very short time we will be saying goodbye
to each other.

I already can feel the pain~
The knot that is forming in my stomach ~
The time that I hate so much is already getting closer.

For soon ~ in a matter of days ~
I will be standing in this very place
With hot wet tears streaming down my saddened face.

It is not fair.

Why is life making it so difficult
For us to be together ~
To wake up in each others arms ~
To no longer have any qualms ~
To know the serenity that calms ~
Knowing we can now always be joined.

I hate myself ~ really hate myself ~
For not being able to just relax
And enjoy the time we can share.

But instead ~
I live in dread ~
Of what I just can't get out of my head ~
That day ~ much too soon ~
When we again ~ will have to say goodbye.

We each express our sadness in different ways.

I ~ with my abundant and ever flowing tears ~
You ~ with the withdrawal that lessens your fears ~
Both of us hoping that this might be our last goodbye
For many, many years.