Sitting in a steamy spa, my mind was firmly fixed on slowing down just long enough to block out the pain of loosing a loving friend. If you can imagine loosing your best friend, lover and partner for what you perceived as a life time; then you can identify with my loss. Colorful memories shaded my thoughts from picnics to parties closing in on such an elaborate sense of humor. Laughter always filled the empty space, being popular was not important being wanted was. A lot-ta time passed just searching for the right answers wondering why the groundwork layered was not tendered as fresh soil. The thoughts grew bigger as I tried to relax, looking around trying to own the space I was in.

Time and time again I fell victim to the memories and images etched in my mind like a scratched record, only they were real and turning the page would have been great....maybe less painful. Finding a reason to smack down my feelings seem so cheap. How do I catalog all the beautiful memories; how do I dress-down intimate moments; how do I play favorites when all of them were so carefully packaged? The truth is the truth and could never be watered down into just blocks of time....but I'm told time is a healer. I don't remember who won or lost an argument or who looked the most handsome, I do know I only have good feelings inherited from a true relationship.

Footprints were left on my heart that rolled down hill only to crash like an ocean wave, the loss was greater than a Tsunami's destruction. The feeling were so intimidating it crushed my spirit. I was on a reckless manhunt to find myself.....there was no boastful pride, I felt necked deep from within from my soul to my bare feet. The watering-hole of life I once stood in is now empty and shallow, padded with sadness and loss.

I swore I would never fall in love again. I find it hysterically funny and somewhat ironic that I am seeking love again.