by orientalkoruGlenella, Queensland, Australia
Jul 2017 1,215 Views 11 comments
Regrets and Gratitude
Today, with tears he left me for the last time
Yesterday if he did, I’d have to live with unsaid goodbyes
The past more than four years went through my mind
Nit-picking all those times, finding answers to my why’s
A life lived for others who cared, maybe even loved
Life's demands and priorities tie people down
His days lived alone in his small and quiet world
Devoid of human connection, most days on his own!
Four years ago, we met and our feelings seemed mutual
A warm welcoming sight, in a short coat of warm brown
Smiled so much he drooled all over me, much to my chagrin!
Warmed up to him, I simply couldn't keep my frown!
On days I’m alone and lonely at home; he always dropped by
Caressing my legs asking why, what’s the matter now?
I’ll share with him what I have; I feel it’s always worthwhile
He’ll take what I give, he’ll ask for more then take a bow!
I wonder next time when I work in the garden or water our plants
Who’s gonna come walking around making funny sounds?
Will I see pebbles all over the driveway, will I be upset, cross?
The tears I shed today; a proof a good friend lost!
But am I sad because he’s gone forever from my life?
Or is it more guilt than sadness that’s brewing inside?
I could have done more, I could have love him more
I wore the love inside; allowed contempt to let it hide.
Still I hope this bit of nature I have built around us
Gave him moments of fun instead of just pure glum
Under the banana palms with its broad long leaves
He’s spent days of endless summer hiding from the sun
He has dug the garden beds more times than I ever had
Chasing butterflies and dragon flies all year round
Sleeping next to fragrant flowers in autumn months
Rolling on a sprays of summer colours covering the grounds
Coming home, an orchid flower trashed I'd find
A crafty mind would have thought and planned
To pick the ones with buds about to open and shine
Yet confronted, the look in his eyes says “see it’s gone?”
Feeling ignored; he never failed to make it known
He had the knack of picking my prized, favourite plants
Or making sure he gets more attention than me from my husband
He knew he deserved so much more from these hard-working hands
The silence in this home will echo in his absence.
The Love, Friendship, Company he gave without measure
Leaves a pain in my heart I don’t really understand
Bu I know, I was blessed with four years of memories to treasure!
Yesterday if he did, I’d have to live with unsaid goodbyes
The past more than four years went through my mind
Nit-picking all those times, finding answers to my why’s
A life lived for others who cared, maybe even loved
Life's demands and priorities tie people down
His days lived alone in his small and quiet world
Devoid of human connection, most days on his own!
Four years ago, we met and our feelings seemed mutual
A warm welcoming sight, in a short coat of warm brown
Smiled so much he drooled all over me, much to my chagrin!
Warmed up to him, I simply couldn't keep my frown!
On days I’m alone and lonely at home; he always dropped by
Caressing my legs asking why, what’s the matter now?
I’ll share with him what I have; I feel it’s always worthwhile
He’ll take what I give, he’ll ask for more then take a bow!
I wonder next time when I work in the garden or water our plants
Who’s gonna come walking around making funny sounds?
Will I see pebbles all over the driveway, will I be upset, cross?
The tears I shed today; a proof a good friend lost!
But am I sad because he’s gone forever from my life?
Or is it more guilt than sadness that’s brewing inside?
I could have done more, I could have love him more
I wore the love inside; allowed contempt to let it hide.
Still I hope this bit of nature I have built around us
Gave him moments of fun instead of just pure glum
Under the banana palms with its broad long leaves
He’s spent days of endless summer hiding from the sun
He has dug the garden beds more times than I ever had
Chasing butterflies and dragon flies all year round
Sleeping next to fragrant flowers in autumn months
Rolling on a sprays of summer colours covering the grounds
Coming home, an orchid flower trashed I'd find
A crafty mind would have thought and planned
To pick the ones with buds about to open and shine
Yet confronted, the look in his eyes says “see it’s gone?”
Feeling ignored; he never failed to make it known
He had the knack of picking my prized, favourite plants
Or making sure he gets more attention than me from my husband
He knew he deserved so much more from these hard-working hands
The silence in this home will echo in his absence.
The Love, Friendship, Company he gave without measure
Leaves a pain in my heart I don’t really understand
Bu I know, I was blessed with four years of memories to treasure!
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: Jul 2017
About this poem:
Went on a poetry- writing hiatus for over 2 years so feeling like a stranger to both poetry writing and the poets in the corner now. I hope there are still poets here of my days...it would be nice to hear from you all again.Our furry friend was put down this weekend due to his failing health. I didn't think his passing away will move me as much as it did. Nothing much has stirred me in the past three years that's enough to help me find the courage to try writing again.
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Stats for this Poem
on Jul 2017
1,215 Views
in Loss / Death
in Elegy
Last Viewed: Apr 12
Last Edited: Sep 2019
Last Commented: Oct 2017
Comments (11)
Rob
Lovely to see you here again, and I admit to dropping in and out.........Kathy ......
you hit a nerve with this one
I've lost many but it was buried
when the memories came back
so did the guilt and remorse in full.swing
Some I had no control to prevent the loss
others I went thru the process and became numb
I don't wish to keep anymore ... we have the last one now and he's old ... older than my mum
Sometimes it's good to die fast so we don't have to linger this guilt and sorow that comes right after we remember some fun times and funny ones too.
I've lost many ...I wish not to have any
but maybe that will change in time
sorry for sharing my pain .
Now I am reading your poem and the stories are true.
Yes - our furry friends have a way of wiggling and weaving into our lives and hearts - we wish they could live as long as a human but God has plans for these furry little Angels.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings.
Kathy a/k/a "Godsprincess"
P.S. We have far too many Kathys on here that begin with "K" 's.
So with that I must say you still have such a way with words. Your words reached out and touched my heart.
Yes, Nu aand I, we met through poetry...I wasn't here looking ...he said he wasn't either ... but that's another story. But I have to believe him...I think right at that time he wasn't. It's almost five years now since he came over to my little paradise and offered to marry me. Been in his country all that time so I'm missing my family terribly.
The stories in his poetry gave a window for me to see the person behind them. And when you are made the inspiration behind a poem; when you become the lyrcs of his song...it's easy to like the person.. especially if it doesn't stop after you wed
I write only what's in my heart so yes.. my stories .. my writing, will always be true...whether it is my story or someone else's ... or over some things'
Thanks for dropping by...very much appreciated! Off to a conference now...will check in tonight and reply to the rest of friends in this thread...
Hey my dearest friend; apologies for this very late response. I just got back from visiting my family in NZ and a short break in Hawaii. Nu told me Jim has passed away and I know my husband won't fib on matters of life and death. Something inside is urging me to come visit this corner to see it for myself. Jim and I probably joined the poetry corner about the same time..him just a tad earlier I reckon....and as he always does...he was one of the first few who welcomed me, embraced my arrival and became one of my mentors. I was as green as can be and he, together with three other older or more mature poets, encouraged me to keep writing. Alas, I have taken down more than 2/3 of my poetry now; I wish I hadn't but I just needed to move on. Being here was too painful for a while, I just had to leave. Jim's passing hasn't sunk in...he is one of the pillars of this corner so I hope they'll keep his writing alive in here.
Anyway to your comment:
I have come a few times; there has been many times I'd love to have a few moments to contemplate and be inspired to write again but my life is pretty crazy with work. Unfortunately I cannot leave my tasks behind my office doors when I call it a day; I have a responsibility day and night as far as the migrant community here is concerned. I posted the odd poem now and then. Also check in when Nu cares to tell me he has posted a poem, I usually read it or he would ask me to read it.
Thank you for your thoughts, very much appreciated Yes, I am aware and look forward to the Second Coming. Let's just say my faith is what keeps me going when others have given up. I know for sure that I probably would have succumbed and given up from all that I went through many years ago without my faith, without my personal relationship with God. In my walk with God, I learnt that when I'm down and empty of my human strength and ability to understand things, situations or people... knowing and having God's presence is what's gotten me over those dark or weak moments. Faith is valuable extension of human strength and determination that non-believers do not have nor understand. It's like having an extra boost of high grade fuel in your empty tank that's guaranteed to keep you going until you get to your intended destination.
Nu and I ? We're okay; although trying to find time together each week is a challenge we sure both try our best. I had to make several changes in my working hours just lately so I can be home when he is home. So we're good my friend! In saying that, being a Christian and my values as far as marriage is concerned probably also plays a part in helping me keep my vows and making it easier for me to value our marriage! angel:
Hey it's lovely to hear from you! Thank you for your lovely thoughts and condolences. They (furry friends) sure leave a void in us when they go.
I was a bit surprised how much his passing affected me because from day one I held back from being emotionally attached to him. I was never against the dog but he reminded me of something unpleasant that happened to my husband during my first week here. There was always the possibility of Nu losing him (dog) so I made sure not to be emotionally attached. I also felt guilty watching the dog suffer every summer because of the heat where we live and the fact that we are too busy working to have enough time to spare. I just felt he could have had a better life with someone else or somewhere else where it's a bit colder and have more space and maybe around a family with kids who could give the love and affection that could have added more value in his life.