if

if I was to say goodbye to someone
I never thought I would
except for one of us dying
I would not know where to begin
because I just never thought about it
didn't know it was something to prepare for
when it's like, someone feels they can't be in a relationship now
they're not looking, etc.
well I didn't think it was something you turn on and off
every few years with the same person
it's not like we're out in the field
looking for romance or whatever
it's just I thought we were together
and if it's only temporary you don't want to be
what do we need to say goodbye at all?
why can't we just be
what we always were
I don't know how many things
you have said I am and I'm horrible
I ask way too much of you
you can't be you, when you're with me
one of the first things you said, though
when we began, is that I always allowed you to be you
in a way no one else did
you make me feel like a monster
yet I've cried at your feet
and that's somehow manipulative
that's somehow me being an evil bastard
trying to force you to do something you don't want
and you don't care about my stupid feelings
and I never tell you what's on my mind
I have told you a million times what it is
but you don't believe it
and think I always have some other motive
than just wanting to be
with you
not you this or you that
you're f*cking perfect in my eyes
I just asked of you yourself
and offered myself in return
that's the entire deal
as I know it
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: Sep 2017
About this poem:
I think there should be a "rambling" category for poems. I would hit that one off.

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Comments (1)

eeejay
the person I'm writing about isn't my wife, but that's how I think of her. I thought she would be someday. I don't give up and it drives her crazy because I really do love her. the last thing in the world I want is to hurt her. I think she sees in me the possibility of causing her a lot of pain. I know she cares about me. I know she loves me. I think she's incredibly vulnerable. and I am too. it's a shame we can't understand that we share the same fears. I don't get our complete inability to communicate.

I don't believe anything that I've said is too personal or inappropriate. I'm sure anyone can relate to the general notions expressed here. maybe it will help someone find in themselves what it takes to make love work. I don't know.
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by eeejay (38 Poems)
on Sep 2017
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in Love
Last Viewed: Apr 6
Last Commented: Sep 2017

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