I went to a bar that they call the last chance
I asked this pretty lady if she wanted to dance
She looked at me and smiled and as I began to grin
Her boyfriend walked right up and hit me on the chin

Oh gee I guess I'll always be a mess
I'll never find the right one for me
But I won't frown I'll just sit my butt back down
Bartender pour me another shot of JD

I went to a grocery store never been there in my life
A friend wrote and told me that's where he met his wife
So I walked up to a pretty lady and asked her for a date
She turned around, looked at me and whacked me with a steak

Oh gee I guess I'll always be a mess
I'll never find the right one in here
Feels like I'm going blind while standing in this line
Please ring up another case of beer

I went to a party they said it would be fun
We all whooped and hollered but I didn't know anyone
I asked this pretty lady if she'd tell me her name
She just looked, cracked her whip and asked if I was tame

Oh gee I guess I'll always be a mess
I'll never find a good girl or friend
That party's all wrong, don't wanna be whipped on
I'll cuddle up with my bottle of gin

I went to a nightclub that had a good floor show
A dozen pretty ladies came walking through the door
One looked over my way and gave a little wink
Then she walked right up to me and offered me a drink

We sat, we laughed, we talked and talked for a long long while
And I was so enchanted every time she smiled
I said I'd better make her mine as soon as I can
When we got into her bed I found she was a man

Oh gee I guess I'll always be a mess
A thousand drinks won't bring me that much cheer
I may be alone I think I'll make it on my own
Cause I'll be darned if I'll take it in the rear.

~ANONI~