Patient: Doctor, why do I always feel sick at the airport?

Doctor: Sounds like you have a terminal illness


Doctor: I’ve got very bad news – you’ve got cancer and Alzheimer’s.

Patient: Well, at least I don’t have cancer.


Patient: Doctor, doctor, I think I've turned into a dog!

Doctor: ...ok..., well sit down on this chair and tell me about it.

Patient: I can't, I'm not allowed on the furniture.

A guy walks into the doctor's office. There is a banana stuck in one of his ears, a cucumber in the other ear, and a carrot stuck in one nostril.

The man says, "Doc, this is terrible. What's wrong with me?"

The doctor says, "Well, first of all, you need to eat more sensibly."