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Penitent man follows the footsteps of god

There were days
That I shall say
where I lightened someone's mood
but that did not last
as what came next
but a differently inspired brood.

Grasping at straws that are not there
any evidence to show I cared.
My prejudices got the better of me
the truth now I should have strived to see

Yet I was protected unaware
ignorant
of what I ought to have done
Satan sate upon my neck
and whispered always in my ear

Where is the good that has come of my life
the clock is running down
Not my donation of tickets
nor my schoolwork or hair
could save me from the eternal despair.
There were days
That I shall say
where I lightened someone's mood
but that did not last
as what came next
but a differently inspired brood.

Grasping at straws that are not there
any evidence to show I cared.
My prejudices got the better of me
the truth now I should have strived to see

Yet I was protected unaware
ignorant
of what I ought to have done
Satan sate upon my neck
and whispered always in my ear

Where is the good that has come of my life
the clock is running down
Not my donation of tickets
nor my schoolwork or hair
could save me from the eternal despair.

I loathe what I see in front of me
what an abomination I am now
A majestic and good creation of God
now a perverted adulterated clod.

I cannot feel any misery
for what I am about to receive
Eternal damnation seems right for me
I have failed to serve the Lord.

My attempts at intercession and salvation
were all for naught
for since I walked on my own
I was damned to die
No chance to be praised
a wicked man indeed.

The stone collapses
the eternal darkness
consumes me as I fall
from not just the grace of God
but from the good standings that I
once held with that gallery.

Nothingness
the hopeless abyss
my new existence
without a cause
I was prepared for it
as I lived
I felt the meaninglessness all along

the futility now wreaks havoc on me
I try to escape
only to return to the nothingness
claws and teeth
attack at me
no protection from the true embodiment
of abandonment

The moans and groans
pervade my senses
I am not alone
but isolated kept
confined
my mind ceases to be whole.

the gashes all across my chest
the incessant gnashing gives no rest
I cannot cry anymore
as blood escapes from every pore

I was a wicked beast
who overindulged in the depraved feast
that is society and its standards
that claimed to have all the answers

With every tear across my face
a wound is healed in another place
such is the unending love of God
protecting us sinners from a brutal demise
a love so horribly misguided
we cannot die to escape the pain
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: May 2010
About this poem:
Part two of my anti-self reflection

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