I have a weakness in my sight as I am getting old,

I thought it was my girlfriend I saw shiver with the cold,

I placed my hands around her bum, and said I'll warm you dear,

In shock the strange girl screamed and swung a slap to my left ear.

My dentures flew into the air, and landed down her front,

And as I dived to fetch them, it was like a treasure hunt,

My hand became entangled in the loose threads of her bra,

And as I pulled it off her, half the street yelled out HURRAH !

I took my T shirt off so I could cover her bare chest,

And then arrived a Copper with the two of us half dressed,

I couldn't hear him as he spoke, my left ear partly deaf,

And with no teeth I could not speak, a word that starts with " F "

He brought us to the station where my girlfriend was in wait,

And written all across her face, was jealousy and hate,

It took me all my might to prove, that I was innocent,

And finally they all believed, it was not my intent.

Imagine all of this was caused because of poor eyesight,

And that poor girl will ne'er forget the day she got that fright,

I sat there with a red ear and a bag of cold ice cubes,

And to the lads now boast, "I got my teeth into her boobs".