I woke up for school 11/9/1995 and thought I don’t wanna go. I don’t feel good mom,my stomach hurts.You can make it its only a half day she blurts. So it’s off to school, riding the bus putting gum in the drivers hair, got caught told her I don’t care. Finally pull up to school get off the bus acting a fool told carol she missed some gum yaaaaa haaaaa haaa who. Get into class and I be darn it did go fast.. back on da bus carol missing some of her hair and guess what I still didn’t care. I was a mean little kid regret the things I did. Got off the top of the hill walked home looking forward to get some pop and chill. Smoking my cig I see my grandma in the station wagon,little did I know she was there to save me and bro from the fate we now know. Dip thru the woods the back way to my house. Finally here. Expecting to see my mom at the table as usual but she’s not there. All doors locked and country music sounds . I jingled the lock,I’m in now. Turn that country music off.Turn on the toons.Get me a piece of cake and my dew.Figured mom and dad must be taking a nap in their room??! No more than 5-10 min go by and knock knock knock at the door it’s my little bro. I let him in. Off to pee he goes,then asks why mom and dad sleep on the floor? I get up to round the corner Mom face up my dad down. Blood all around. I will never forget that smell, Oil and metal. My mind races what to do I know they are gone 911 for people that are hurt dude, so I call my grandma.. tell her mom and dad dead on the floor. I sit my brother down, tell him I’m here forevermore . I knew they was gone but didn’t comprehend, it too was our end. All we knew gone in a blink. Dad did not think, shot my mom but thought to spare us the sight.Sent grandma to get bro and me, little did he know he gave her the wrong time and location though. I was a badass had to smoke. Saw grandma and dipped away before she knew, I was smoking to be cool. We wouldn’t have saw what we did.I feel to blame. I now know it was my dad who has caused the pain. Took my mom from us. Hurts to think I was just a car ride away from a different reality. Now it seems I have only the bad memory. My flashbacks come with smell.Having ptsd is a living hell.