I find this topic interesting to get up and out in the day as i have received criticism about it.
BU-plans to me is 100% innocent + effective to have in the search for a serious longlasting partner. I seldom have many backups, and often none. Often i don't have no main either. I don't flirt tremendously with them. It's more at friendly idle, though that expression doesn't really describe it. Point is: i try not give wrong signals to lead somemone on. I crank it up and they should know when i'm on the go. If i do it, it means you are IT now. The others are then the backups. You're my nr.1 prime suspect lol. Remember: this is all at the talking stage to figure out who you should travel across borders to meet! And i'm talking exclusively CS now. I'm still doing the cs-thing.
So, BU-plans to:
1) save time 2) get the chance of finding one that likely will be solid with me
Can't stand the idea of getting with the wrong one out of politeness.
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Isn't this all about your GOAL and intention? How you are as a person off the site and what you are going to do when you find him/her.
I'm not a flower jumpin Bee! I will settel down when i find one who match me well. I'm not unrealistic or always unsatisifed. Not at all.
Once i'm off here with the one for me i will close my account.
The searsh is over then. THEN i hope i chose a good one, and i hope she is happy too. After we both ditched the alternatives.
lifeisadreamMexi Go, Mexico State Mexico16,713 posts
morgenulv: I find this topic interesting to get up and out in the day as i have received criticism about it.
BU-plans to me is 100% innocent + effective to have in the search for a serious longlasting partner. I seldom have many backups, and often none. Often i don't have no main either. I don't flirt tremendously with them. It's more at friendly idle, though that expression doesn't really describe it. Point is: i try not give wrong signals to lead somemone on. I crank it up and they should know when i'm on the go. If i do it, it means you are IT now. The others are then the backups. You're my nr.1 prime suspect lol. Remember: this is all at the talking stage to figure out who you should travel across borders to meet! And i'm talking exclusively CS now. I'm still doing the cs-thing.
So, BU-plans to:
1) save time 2) get the chance of finding one that likely will be solid with me
Can't stand the idea of getting with the wrong one out of politeness.
-
Isn't this all about your GOAL and intention? How you are as a person off the site and what you are going to do when you find him/her.
I'm not a flower jumpin Bee! I will settel down when i find one who match me well. I'm not unrealistic or always unsatisifed. Not at all.
Once i'm off here with the one for me i will close my account.
The searsh is over then. THEN i hope i chose a good one, and i hope she is happy too. After we both ditched the alternatives.
Everything can be right to do with a back up plan or not.
The essence is to be honest, for me.
Would any one whom has several profiles be honest and tell it to the ones s/he might be interested in?
Would any one whom is writing and talking to several persons tell those persons that they are just an option to him/her?
I don´t think it´s so much having a BU Plan. That´s sounds so calculated. I think that normally you can tell fairly early on if each party wishes to develop anything. Trouble is if one or other loses interest further down the line then it´s difficult to extricate yourself without feelings getting hurt.
morgenulv: I find this topic interesting to get up and out in the day as i have received criticism about it.
BU-plans to me is 100% innocent + effective to have in the search for a serious longlasting partner. I seldom have many backups, and often none. Often i don't have no main either. I don't flirt tremendously with them. It's more at friendly idle, though that expression doesn't really describe it. Point is: i try not give wrong signals to lead somemone on. I crank it up and they should know when i'm on the go. If i do it, it means you are IT now. The others are then the backups. You're my nr.1 prime suspect lol. Remember: this is all at the talking stage to figure out who you should travel across borders to meet! And i'm talking exclusively CS now. I'm still doing the cs-thing.
So, BU-plans to:
1) save time 2) get the chance of finding one that likely will be solid with me
Can't stand the idea of getting with the wrong one out of politeness.
-
Isn't this all about your GOAL and intention? How you are as a person off the site and what you are going to do when you find him/her.
I'm not a flower jumpin Bee! I will settel down when i find one who match me well. I'm not unrealistic or always unsatisifed. Not at all.
Once i'm off here with the one for me i will close my account.
The searsh is over then. THEN i hope i chose a good one, and i hope she is happy too. After we both ditched the alternatives.
You say it is in the talking stages. I would not call that a back up plan. As long as you are not leading anyone on to believe that you aren't communicating with others. To me it is similiar to dating. As long as we have not reached the stage of making a commitment to be exclusive then who I talk to is really just my business. I have done nothing wrong But keep in mind I don't fall easily. And I don't serial date. So it takes alot to get my attention. So chances I am talking to someone else is very slim
i have met many folks on cs, and made several good friendships along the way here on cs...but never thought of any as 'back up plans'. i'm too linear for that...lol and 'never make someone a priority who only considers you an option'
having said that, when i met 'the one'(grin) ....why the heck would i have a backup plan on cs?...lol...i do stay in contact with cs friends and enjoy the forums, so keep my acct open. but backup plan...meh.. would be foolish me thinks to put energy into other than this relationship and it would distract from that which is worth my full attention.
but as long as one is honest with all concerned, so everyone involved gets to make informed decisions...each to his own
jono7: i have met many folks on cs, and made several good friendships along the way here on cs...but never thought of any as 'back up plans'. i'm too linear for that...lol and 'never make someone a priority who only considers you an option'
having said that, when i met 'the one'(grin) ....why the heck would i have a backup plan on cs?...lol...i do stay in contact with cs friends and enjoy the forums, so keep my acct open. but backup plan...meh.. would be foolish me thinks to put energy into other than this relationship and it would distract from that which is worth my full attention.
but as long as one is honest with all concerned, so everyone involved gets to make informed decisions...each to his own
Nope, I wouldn't keep someone as a back-up plan, I would be too straight for that . As Jono said, "never make someone a priority who only considers you an option" so fair is fair.
I'm not as naive that I think I'm the only person someone emails on here and I would never ask someone who else he is emailing or vice versa.
I only would consider dating someone who lives on this island, so it's easy to go for a drink sooner rather than later and see if you click with this person, so no need to keep someone on a long time back-up list anyway.
Happygolucky4u: You say it is in the talking stages. I would not call that a back up plan. As long as you are not leading anyone on to believe that you aren't communicating with others. To me it is similiar to dating. As long as we have not reached the stage of making a commitment to be exclusive then who I talk to is really just my business. I have done nothing wrong But keep in mind I don't fall easily. And I don't serial date. So it takes alot to get my attention. So chances I am talking to someone else is very slim
If I'm talking about myself, I only have a plan together with my Jasmine.
But when it comes to you Morgenulv, I believe that you should be honest to the women you talk to and meet, that you aren't committed until you say that you are. What committed means to you, that's something you have to figure out yourself, or via advices from others here on CS.
My commitment was to give wovels and exchange rings. That was big for me, and to my beloved too. Commitment builds upon trust and honesty 24/7.
Jono, disagreed with all, but thanks for your comment.
thanks, and yes, i too think it's ok to disagree... grin but i gotta ask
what's to disagree with about this part: but as long as one is honest with all concerned, so everyone involved gets to make informed decisions...each to his own
as adults we oannot tell each other what to do. I do not look at men on here as "back up plans" and find that an immature notion.
were a man involved with me as a "back up" or if he was involved with me but it became apparent that he was also with someone else as a "backup" I would discuss it with him, but end things regardless of the outcome of the discussion
would I ask him to "choose?" no. that is his decision
but yes, he would most likely end up losing both of us - that is normally what happens in such situations - he loses both women because they tire of this game
Happygolucky4u: You say it is in the talking stages. I would not call that a back up plan. As long as you are not leading anyone on to believe that you aren't communicating with others. To me it is similiar to dating. As long as we have not reached the stage of making a commitment to be exclusive then who I talk to is really just my business. I have done nothing wrong But keep in mind I don't fall easily. And I don't serial date. So it takes alot to get my attention. So chances I am talking to someone else is very slim
I agree with you & jono both - honesty is important and I tend to be very honest up front about mutual respect being very important to me. I also tend to just talk to one person at a time once we hae considered a romantic level and expect the same - anthing else is playing games
I would not be interested in a man who did not share my particular stated values (above)
Makes sense only if your open about doing so. I am talking to 2 ppl @ moment. One not as much as I'd like to. Like the fact she wants to skype. The other we talk everyday through email & I'm fore some time before she goes to bed, she's 5 hrs ahead & goes to school. This is a good question!
Morgen, you're over analysing this I feel and trying to draw certain moral lines in the wrong places at the wrong time. Certainly at the initial contact with someone it is absolutely assumed that they are one of a few, and that you are one of a few that have interested parties... there or there abouts.
At some point in the communication, things may cross the Rubicon to something more ... exclusive. But certainly not at the start. It'll be somewhere just before you get ready to push the button. And by pushing the button I mean fill the car for a road trip or, if you;re the adventurous type, buy that Ryanair ticket.
The above applies in real life aswell (save for the last part). See a chick at the bar, have a few words etc. You're not exclusive for the first few minutes... you might not be exclusive for the first 30mins even... but somewhere along the way, there's enough exchange to have taken place that both know that you're a match... for the moment at least.
You crystalize out one i wanna meet first you know, and you take her to live happily ever after if it's IT! If not u go seek up the other one to see if you have better match with her. Just understand you can't have both, hehe.
Personally i advice you to take the FIRST one you are good with, and not look back. But it must feel good, nothing less.
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Keeping and nurturing a back up plan or two at cs(Vote Below)
BU-plans to me is 100% innocent + effective to have in the search for a serious longlasting partner. I seldom have many backups, and often none. Often i don't have no main either.
I don't flirt tremendously with them. It's more at friendly idle, though that expression doesn't really describe it. Point is: i try not give wrong signals to lead somemone on. I crank it up and they should know when i'm on the go. If i do it, it means you are IT now.
The others are then the backups. You're my nr.1 prime suspect lol.
Remember: this is all at the talking stage to figure out who you should travel across borders to meet! And i'm talking exclusively CS now. I'm still doing the cs-thing.
So, BU-plans to:
1) save time
2) get the chance of finding one that likely will be solid with me
Can't stand the idea of getting with the wrong one out of politeness.
-
Isn't this all about your GOAL and intention?
How you are as a person off the site and what you are going to do when you find him/her.
I'm not a flower jumpin Bee!
I will settel down when i find one who match me well. I'm not unrealistic or always unsatisifed. Not at all.
Once i'm off here with the one for me i will close my account.
The searsh is over then. THEN i hope i chose a good one, and i hope she is happy too. After we both ditched the alternatives.