lalasierra: Do you secretly go through your partner's personal belongings when they are unaware? (Cell phones, pockets, wallets, purses, etc.)
If Im with someone in a serious relationship, I really don`t see the need for secrets If we exchange saliva and fluids on a regular bases, why can`t we exchange our secrets...
i agree with boban. if i'm in a serious relationship, i see no need for secrets. i have no desire to go through anyone's things..if they want me to know about something, they'll bring it to my attention. as well, if in a relationship and one partner starts being secretive..i think that's a good indication that they are no longer committed to the We. (unless it's for my birthday...) trust equals love.
lalasierra: Do you secretly go through your partner's personal belongings when they are unaware? (Cell phones, pockets, wallets, purses, etc.)
Never, ever, ever would I go through my partners pockets, wallet, email, computer, anything. It's an invasion of privacy that should be honored. My husband used to leave his wallet on the dresser while taking a shower and I never went through it.
I remember when I was a child my father would say ... go get my wallet and take a certain amount money out, and I always felt like I was invading his privacy, being nosey.
lalasierra: Do you secretly go through your partner's personal belongings when they are unaware? (Cell phones, pockets, wallets, purses, etc.)
No. I'd be afraid of what I find. And then of course if you did find something you could completely misinterpret it.
I've had my phones looked through, phone bills looked through bank statements, attempts to look through emails, some computer files etc etc by various female consorts over the years... online activity etc Women never seem to fail at this snooping.
Ccincy: I doubt if anyone is going to really admit their nosey. If they say they aren't then they are liars. I'm nosey to a point and not afraid to admit I am.
I don't secretly go through my guys billfold or cell phone.Now I do touch his underwear when I fold it when I place it in the dresser.Does that count as going through his personal belongings?
jono7: i agree with boban. if i'm in a serious relationship, i see no need for secrets. i have no desire to go through anyone's things..if they want me to know about something, they'll bring it to my attention. as well, if in a relationship and one partner starts being secretive..i think that's a good indication that they are no longer committed to the We. (unless it's for my birthday...) trust equals love.
Okay this is the second time this week someone agrees with what I`v said ... These new pills the doctor prescribed me seem to have some affect after all
Boban1: Okay this is the second time this week someone agrees with what I`v said ... These new pills the doctor prescribed me seem to have some affect after all
MADDOG69: No. I'd be afraid of what I find. And then of course if you did find something you could completely misinterpret it.
I've had my phones looked through, phone bills looked through bank statements, attempts to look through emails, some computer files etc etc by various female consorts over the years... online activity etc Women never seem to fail at this snooping.
hey! that's not fair.
while i am more than willing to admit i want to know, and i am curious..i wouldn't do that. a person's gotta have some self control... but i give myself a fail... cuz even times i wanted to know, i couldn't even bring myself to ask. i can remember desperately wanting to know what he was texting or emailing, so i left the room incase i tried to peek.
Boban1: Okay this is the second time this week someone agrees with what I`v said ... These new pills the doctor prescribed me seem to have some affect after all
jac379pontyclun, South Glamorgan, Wales UK12,293 posts
jono7: hey! that's not fair.
while i am more than willing to admit i want to know, and i am curious..i wouldn't do that. a person's gotta have some self control... but i give myself a fail... cuz even times i wanted to know, i couldn't even bring myself to ask. i can remember desperately wanting to know what he was texting or emailing, so i left the room incase i tried to peek.
Is that curiosity about wanting to share in a social interaction, or about suspicion/insecurity?
lalasierra: Do you secretly go through your partner's personal belongings when they are unaware? (Cell phones, pockets, wallets, purses, etc.)
No,I don't snoop. If there is something on mind, I will communicate that to my partner. A perfect recipe for ending a good relationship is to become paranoid and snoop.
Rather, allow intuition to guide you and if there is a strong feeling that things aren't right, and the answers to questions don't add up, then more than likely, the relationship isn't on solid ground and decisions need to be made.
jac379pontyclun, South Glamorgan, Wales UK12,293 posts
jono7: that particular time, it was my insecurity..... ...or i would of asked. i'm only human jac...
It wasn't a criticism, Jono.
I'm just thinking about when someone texts in front of me and it makes me feel vaguely socially excluded, especially if I've been socialising with the texter just moments before.
I sometimes have to stop myself from looking over my best friend's shoulder when she gets a text, as if she's just opened a photograph album, or book, just because I'm in sharing mode with her.
I was just clarifying the distinction between curiosity with respect to social exclusion and suspicion.
I'm just thinking about when someone texts in front of me and it makes me feel vaguely socially excluded, especially if I've been socialising with the texter just moments before.
I sometimes have to stop myself from looking over my best friend's shoulder when she gets a text, as if she's just opened a photograph album, or book, just because I'm in sharing mode with her.
I was just clarifying the distinction between curiosity with respect to social exclusion and suspicion.
thanks jac i'm most likely reacting to my own sense of shame about having become needy/insecure in that particular situation, and choosing to hide instead of asking the question out of fear of the answer.
like you, i have a curious mind. but as for friends texting in a social situation..i couldn't care less. i have no desire to know what they're texting. i go back to...if it's information for me..they'll let me know. if it goes on for a long time though, and not an emergency of some sort..i do think it's rude.
lalasierra: Do you secretly go through your partner's personal belongings when they are unaware? (Cell phones, pockets, wallets, purses, etc.)
I got suspicious once and nearly snooped in my ex wife's diary, i stopped my self knowing she would not go through my private things. Today i had to pick my sons bags up from their mums on the table of the lounge was an envelope addressed to me not opened, underneath was letters opened to her from her solicitor i was so tempted to look but no i still respect her privacy and would any partner . trust is everything and the most important thing how can you love if you cant trust that person?
Neither do I see the need for secrets. But curiosity will kill the cat. But I do see it as an invasion of my space. My space, that's one of the two separate entities that would make up the 'we'. If the other half feels the need to go and check and read my mail then I find that grossly lacking respect and trust. Becoming 'we' is not something I see as putting all on the table, erasing both to end up transformed as one spineless 'we'jelly. Two individuals who are willing to trust and respect and work together, accepting that there never will be a 'one', they might become a 'we'. Snooping is not the way forward and not all is for sharing. Some things are yours and yours only. I don't see it as being secretive, I think that's being honest.
while i am more than willing to admit i want to know, and i am curious..i wouldn't do that. a person's gotta have some self control... but i give myself a fail... cuz even times i wanted to know, i couldn't even bring myself to ask. i can remember desperately wanting to know what he was texting or emailing, so i left the room incase i tried to peek.
Oh don't get me wrong... if I got very suspicious about something I might have a snoop if I wasn't happy with an explanation of something. Lets not pontificate to each other about how high an mighty we like to see ourselves. Most people of a certain age have been betrayed once or more. Lied to about things, whether financial, love interest or otherwise... more often than not by somebody we all might have thought was the best in the world.
Maus19: Neither do I see the need for secrets. But curiosity will kill the cat. But I do see it as an invasion of my space. My space, that's one of the two separate entities that would make up the 'we'. If the other half feels the need to go and check and read my mail then I find that grossly lacking respect and trust. Becoming 'we' is not something I see as putting all on the table, erasing both to end up transformed as one spineless 'we'jelly. Two individuals who are willing to trust and respect and work together, accepting that there never will be a 'one', they might become a 'we'. Snooping is not the way forward and not all is for sharing. Some things are yours and yours only. I don't see it as being secretive, I think that's being honest.
We jelly. I've never tried that. Wonder if it goes with peanut butter.
Maus19: Neither do I see the need for secrets. But curiosity will kill the cat. But I do see it as an invasion of my space. My space, that's one of the two separate entities that would make up the 'we'. If the other half feels the need to go and check and read my mail then I find that grossly lacking respect and trust. Becoming 'we' is not something I see as putting all on the table, erasing both to end up transformed as one spineless 'we'jelly. Two individuals who are willing to trust and respect and work together, accepting that there never will be a 'one', they might become a 'we'. Snooping is not the way forward and not all is for sharing. Some things are yours and yours only. I don't see it as being secretive, I think that's being honest.
Maus19: Neither do I see the need for secrets. But curiosity will kill the cat. But I do see it as an invasion of my space. My space, that's one of the two separate entities that would make up the 'we'. If the other half feels the need to go and check and read my mail then I find that grossly lacking respect and trust. Becoming 'we' is not something I see as putting all on the table, erasing both to end up transformed as one spineless 'we'jelly. Two individuals who are willing to trust and respect and work together, accepting that there never will be a 'one', they might become a 'we'. Snooping is not the way forward and not all is for sharing. Some things are yours and yours only. I don't see it as being secretive, I think that's being honest.
I have no secrets so if in a relationship and I happen to be doing other things but need something from, say my purse, etc. I feel fine asking him to get it for me. But will not snoop in his personal data, etc. unless at his request.
Was in a relationship where we were able to be together only on week-ends. Laying on the bed chatting and watching a good movie, so very relaxed. He gets a text, leaves the room. Finally after being in the bedroom alone for over an hour I just simply walk into the room where he is and tell him he is being very inconsiderate and I leave.
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