Would you check a partners E-mail or Texts unbeknown to them?.... (77)
About_Blank: Just been listening to a very interesting radio article on trust issues, and this was on the discussion...[newstalk 106 - henry mc'kean saturday morning show]...
If you had suspicions, would you check up on your partner and/or confront, and for the 'opposition', would you fess up before it got to being found out or call off the afair/bit on the side...
If you had suspicions, would you check up on your partner and/or confront, and for the 'opposition', would you fess up before it got to being found out or call off the afair/bit on the side...
Yes, most definitely. If I suspected my lover was seeing/talking/scr*wing someone else I would definitely check his phone? Then confront him, then depending on the answer - pack his bags, or mine!
Can't tolerate infidelity in a relationship.
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About_Blank: Just been listening to a very interesting radio article on trust issues, and this was on the discussion...[newstalk 106 - henry mc'kean saturday morning show]...
If you had suspicions, would you check up on your partner and/or confront, and for the 'opposition', would you fess up before it got to being found out or call off the afair/bit on the side...
If you had suspicions, would you check up on your partner and/or confront, and for the 'opposition', would you fess up before it got to being found out or call off the afair/bit on the side...
Absolutely not!!!!
There wouldn't be any need to anyway because if I didn't trust him, the relationship is already over.
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Newlife08: Yes, most definitely. If I suspected my lover was seeing/talking/scr*wing someone else I would definitely check his phone? Then confront him, then depending on the answer - pack his bags, or mine!
Can't tolerate infidelity in a relationship.
Can't tolerate infidelity in a relationship.
Oh, come on, give the poor chap a second chance.-
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No. Others do it for me 
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trust issues do not imply the other partner is cheating or doing anything wrong. It could imply you have issues with trust.
(not saying the OP does and not a personal attack)
(not saying the OP does and not a personal attack)
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About_Blank: Just been listening to a very interesting radio article on trust issues, and this was on the discussion...[newstalk 106 - henry mc'kean saturday morning show]...
If you had suspicions, would you check up on your partner and/or confront, and for the 'opposition', would you fess up before it got to being found out or call off the afair/bit on the side...
If you had suspicions, would you check up on your partner and/or confront, and for the 'opposition', would you fess up before it got to being found out or call off the afair/bit on the side...
No.. I would rather not know.. much easier that way..
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No I would not check his e-mail nor his phone messages.
That's where the not trusting part comes into view then it wasn't a relationship after all.
That's where the not trusting part comes into view then it wasn't a relationship after all.
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No... I would know without intruding on his privacy...
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No if you don`t have trust in a relationship then you don`t have a relationship! 
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About_Blank: Just been listening to a very interesting radio article on trust issues, and this was on the discussion...[newstalk 106 - henry mc'kean saturday morning show]...
If you had suspicions, would you check up on your partner and/or confront, and for the 'opposition', would you fess up before it got to being found out or call off the afair/bit on the side...
If you had suspicions, would you check up on your partner and/or confront, and for the 'opposition', would you fess up before it got to being found out or call off the afair/bit on the side...
Good issue - it depends on the relationship and the understanding that we had, and how grounded the suspicions were. Privacy and respect are important to me - and this whole idea of honesty is a confusion to me - because it is often considered lying if you don't disclose the FULL truth. We all have secrets and sometimes too much information is unhealthy for a relationship even when there is not wrong doing.
so I think the answer is no I would not check up or confront my partner.
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Absolutely not.
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If my concerns were deep enough, sure I'd look around a bit.
I'd also tell her I had, she'd have a right to know.
As for cheating, I don't.
If I did I'd admit to it. Cheating is bad, but carrying on in your relationship like it didn't happen....is just vile. It's not ok to expose people to the additional STD risks of your cheating without telling them.
I'd also tell her I had, she'd have a right to know.
As for cheating, I don't.
If I did I'd admit to it. Cheating is bad, but carrying on in your relationship like it didn't happen....is just vile. It's not ok to expose people to the additional STD risks of your cheating without telling them.
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About_Blank: Just been listening to a very interesting radio article on trust issues, and this was on the discussion...[newstalk 106 - henry mc'kean saturday morning show]...
If you had suspicions, would you check up on your partner and/or confront, and for the 'opposition', would you fess up before it got to being found out or call off the afair/bit on the side...
If you had suspicions, would you check up on your partner and/or confront, and for the 'opposition', would you fess up before it got to being found out or call off the afair/bit on the side...
If you suspect your partner doing something they shouldn't, then obviously you don't trust them. If you can't trust your partner, why be with them in the first place.
I would say no to the question
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About_Blank: Just been listening to a very interesting radio article on trust issues, and this was on the discussion...[newstalk 106 - henry mc'kean saturday morning show]...
If you had suspicions, would you check up on your partner and/or confront, and for the 'opposition', would you fess up before it got to being found out or call off the afair/bit on the side...
If you had suspicions, would you check up on your partner and/or confront, and for the 'opposition', would you fess up before it got to being found out or call off the afair/bit on the side...
No. If your partner if cheating on you, there are many other ways to figure it out. Their attitude, behaviour changes. They start giving excuses.so what's the point on checking anything? Deep down you should already know what's going on.
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About_Blank: Just been listening to a very interesting radio article on trust issues, and this was on the discussion...[newstalk 106 - henry mc'kean saturday morning show]...
If you had suspicions, would you check up on your partner and/or confront, and for the 'opposition', would you fess up before it got to being found out or call off the afair/bit on the side...
If you had suspicions, would you check up on your partner and/or confront, and for the 'opposition', would you fess up before it got to being found out or call off the afair/bit on the side...
Oh hell no. If I ever got the feeling I didn't trust my partner, I'd at least question myself why before I got to the point of confronting them. I'd never check on anything personal like Emails or their phone, I'd rather just ask them.
The latter half of the OP is irrelevant to me. I've never cheated, nor do I intend to.
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About_Blank: Just been listening to a very interesting radio article on trust issues, and this was on the discussion...[newstalk 106 - henry mc'kean saturday morning show]...
If you had suspicions, would you check up on your partner and/or confront, and for the 'opposition', would you fess up before it got to being found out or call off the afair/bit on the side...
If you had suspicions, would you check up on your partner and/or confront, and for the 'opposition', would you fess up before it got to being found out or call off the afair/bit on the side...
I have in my possession something which is titled, "Don't read this, mum."
At one time it would have been very high short term risk to ignore something like that...but potentially devastating in the long term to breach trust and read it. Not a comfortable position to be in by any stretch of the imagination.
Sometimes we have to take risks with trusting people, or destroy something for sure.
Snooping where you shouldn't is an infidelity. It maybe doesn't carry the potential physical health risks as having an affair, but it does carry an emotionally intimate death penalty.
If I'm uncomfortable about something, I say something, or walk away.
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If I felt the need to check up, it would mean my instinct is ringing alarm bells. The relationship is over.
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If it's someone you dated for a couple months, and you just got that nagging doubt and it won't go away, by all means say something or just walk away.
However...If it's a long term relationship and you've tried to talk your doubts through together, and you've honestly asked yourself the tough questions about any trust issues you may have...and you're about to walk out the door for good...have a look around first.
Knowing IS better then not knowing.
If you're splitting up your family over it.
Know you're right.
No one wants their privacy violated, but there are
higher stakes than peoples privacy.
It's not a lot different from the zero tolerance policy for lying people like to flaunt on these sites. It's the easy right answer for the dating site quiz, and makes some people feel like they're protecting themselves from being lied to, but the simple answers about these things really don't hold up to critical examination.
People, lives and relationships are complex evolving things.
However...If it's a long term relationship and you've tried to talk your doubts through together, and you've honestly asked yourself the tough questions about any trust issues you may have...and you're about to walk out the door for good...have a look around first.
Knowing IS better then not knowing.
If you're splitting up your family over it.
Know you're right.
No one wants their privacy violated, but there are
higher stakes than peoples privacy.
It's not a lot different from the zero tolerance policy for lying people like to flaunt on these sites. It's the easy right answer for the dating site quiz, and makes some people feel like they're protecting themselves from being lied to, but the simple answers about these things really don't hold up to critical examination.
People, lives and relationships are complex evolving things.
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Ocee102: If it's someone you dated for a couple months, and you just got that nagging doubt and it won't go away, by all means say something or just walk away.
However...If it's a long term relationship and you've tried to talk your doubts through together, and you've honestly asked yourself the tough questions about any trust issues you may have...and you're about to walk out the door for good...have a look around first.
Knowing IS better then not knowing.
If you're splitting up your family over it.
Know you're right.
No one wants their privacy violated, but there are
higher stakes than peoples privacy.
It's not a lot different from the zero tolerance policy for lying people like to flaunt on these sites. It's the easy right answer for the dating site quiz, and makes some people feel like they're protecting themselves from being lied to, but the simple answers about these things really don't hold up to critical examination.
People, lives and relationships are complex evolving things.
However...If it's a long term relationship and you've tried to talk your doubts through together, and you've honestly asked yourself the tough questions about any trust issues you may have...and you're about to walk out the door for good...have a look around first.
Knowing IS better then not knowing.
If you're splitting up your family over it.
Know you're right.
No one wants their privacy violated, but there are
higher stakes than peoples privacy.
It's not a lot different from the zero tolerance policy for lying people like to flaunt on these sites. It's the easy right answer for the dating site quiz, and makes some people feel like they're protecting themselves from being lied to, but the simple answers about these things really don't hold up to critical examination.
People, lives and relationships are complex evolving things.
I assume that was directed at me and I take your point about splitting up a family.
I think I find that situation difficult to conceptualise given I'm likely to open about passwords, etc.
I'm also in an ethical position where some things must remain confidential. If that trust was breached via snooping, I'd consider it an infidelity with far reaching consequences for several people.
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I have had one relationship where my partner was checking my email. It showed how much trust he had in me.....none. I packed up and moved out.
If there is no trust in your partner, the relationship is doomed.
If there is no trust in your partner, the relationship is doomed.
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jac379: I assume that was directed at me and I take your point about splitting up a family.
I think I find that situation difficult to conceptualise given I'm likely to open about passwords, etc.
I'm also in an ethical position where some things must remain confidential. If that trust was breached via snooping, I'd consider it an infidelity with far reaching consequences for several people.
I think I find that situation difficult to conceptualise given I'm likely to open about passwords, etc.
I'm also in an ethical position where some things must remain confidential. If that trust was breached via snooping, I'd consider it an infidelity with far reaching consequences for several people.
When a person starts looking into email and text they also begin violating the privacy of people not in the relationship, that gets ethically complicated. Collateral damage gets hard to justify very quickly. My first reply was in response to snooping in general, I'm not completely sure were I stand on going into someone's text or email.
Violating someone outside the relationships right to the sort of specialized privacy you're describing is not something I would consider acceptable in the interest of putting ones own mind at ease over suspected infidelity. That I do consider a simple, just don't do it matter.
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Ocee102: When a person starts looking into email and text they also begin violating the privacy of people not in the relationship, that gets ethically complicated. Collateral damage gets hard to justify very quickly. My first reply was in response to snooping in general, I'm not completely sure were I stand on going into someone's text or email.
Violating someone outside the relationships right to the sort of specialized privacy you're describing is not something I would consider acceptable in the interest of putting ones own mind at ease over suspected infidelity. That I do consider a simple, just don't do it matter.
Violating someone outside the relationships right to the sort of specialized privacy you're describing is not something I would consider acceptable in the interest of putting ones own mind at ease over suspected infidelity. That I do consider a simple, just don't do it matter.
I thought going into people's texts, or emails was general snooping and I hadn't thought of anything else.
Now you mention it, following someone has occurred to me. My first instinct is to laugh as I suspect I'd be as competent and discreet as Inspector Clueso if I tried that one. My second thought is the potential overlap between snooping and stalking behaviours.
What other behaviours are included in general snooping?
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jac379: What other behaviours are included in general snooping?
I was thinking more like looking in bags and pockets.
Maybe a rummage around the old sock drawer.
It's all a little creepy, not matter how it's dressed up
it's messy business.
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Ocee102: I was thinking more like looking in bags and pockets.
Maybe a rummage around the old sock drawer.
It's all a little creepy, not matter how it's dressed up
it's messy business.
Maybe a rummage around the old sock drawer.
It's all a little creepy, not matter how it's dressed up
it's messy business.
The word 'sock puppet' sprang to mind, which sounded like it might have rude connotations and I thought there might be a gag in it. It turns out its a whole other area of deception.
Following, rummaging, false profiles...I'm still feeling a sense of discomfort related to stalking behaviours.
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jac379: The word 'sock puppet' sprang to mind, which sounded like it might have rude connotations and I thought there might be a gag in it. It turns out its a whole other area of deception.
Following, rummaging, false profiles...I'm still feeling a sense of discomfort related to stalking behaviours.
Following, rummaging, false profiles...I'm still feeling a sense of discomfort related to stalking behaviours.
There's an element of putting oneself before the other,
while violating their boundaries.
That might be the stalker vibe you're getting.
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LanaRos27: I have had one relationship where my partner was checking my email. It showed how much trust he had in me.....none. I packed up and moved out.
If there is no trust in your partner, the relationship is doomed.
If there is no trust in your partner, the relationship is doomed.
That was done to me too. I made him pack instead. He still stalked for a few years, hacking every account, now I use fake names that only those that don't know him have.
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Ocee102: There's an element of putting oneself before the other,
while violating their boundaries.That might be the stalker vibe you're getting.
while violating their boundaries.That might be the stalker vibe you're getting.
Yeah, there's something about 'justifying' intruding on other people's boundaries as well, I think.
Or just how they're the same behaviours, but looking from different angles, like terrorist versus freedom fighter.
I suppose your issue of splitting up families becomes the self-defence part of just war hypothesis. Maybe splitting up a family could be less damaging than children witnessing an assault with the family.
That thing you said about it being better to be sure before taking action reminded me of Comfrey dying. I was all set to put him out of his misery, but was persuaded by two vets to be sure before doing something so drastic and irreversible. They suggested I would feel awful if I put him down for something curable.
I realised in retrospect they were actually saying I should put my own needs ahead of his. I realised I should have just trusted my instincts and I don't feel better about his death given he suffered without me for nine hours that I could have spared him. It served neither of our needs in the end.
Maybe we should practice being more in tune with and trusting of our instincts.
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Without respect and trust, there can be no relationship!! ... I think the sense of not trusting a person or not being trusted comes loooooooooong before resorting to such an action such as snooping!!! 
If a feeling of mistrust comes up then it's gotta be communicated and resolved... when folks resort to snooping, it's a violation and an immaturity of sorts IMO
If a feeling of mistrust comes up then it's gotta be communicated and resolved... when folks resort to snooping, it's a violation and an immaturity of sorts IMO
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jac379: Yeah, there's something about 'justifying' intruding on other people's boundaries as well, I think.
Or just how they're the same behaviours, but looking from different angles, like terrorist versus freedom fighter.
I suppose your issue of splitting up families becomes the self-defence part of just war hypothesis. Maybe splitting up a family could be less damaging than children witnessing an assault with the family.
That thing you said about it being better to be sure before taking action reminded me of Comfrey dying. I was all set to put him out of his misery, but was persuaded by two vets to be sure before doing something so drastic and irreversible. They suggested I would feel awful if I put him down for something curable.
I realised in retrospect they were actually saying I should put my own needs ahead of his. I realised I should have just trusted my instincts and I don't feel better about his death given he suffered without me for nine hours that I could have spared him. It served neither of our needs in the end.
Maybe we should practice being more in tune with and trusting of our instincts.
Or just how they're the same behaviours, but looking from different angles, like terrorist versus freedom fighter.
I suppose your issue of splitting up families becomes the self-defence part of just war hypothesis. Maybe splitting up a family could be less damaging than children witnessing an assault with the family.
That thing you said about it being better to be sure before taking action reminded me of Comfrey dying. I was all set to put him out of his misery, but was persuaded by two vets to be sure before doing something so drastic and irreversible. They suggested I would feel awful if I put him down for something curable.
I realised in retrospect they were actually saying I should put my own needs ahead of his. I realised I should have just trusted my instincts and I don't feel better about his death given he suffered without me for nine hours that I could have spared him. It served neither of our needs in the end.
Maybe we should practice being more in tune with and trusting of our instincts.
War and assault?
Were talking about looking in a sock drawer to be sure we're right
to split a family.
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Source: Associated Press, Journal of Marital and Family Therapy
Research Date: 1.1.2014
Marriage Infidelity Statistics Data
Percent of marriages where one or both spouses admit to infidelity, either physical or emotional 41 %
Percent of men who admit to committing infidelity in any relationship they’ve had 57 %
Percentage of women who admit to committing infidelity in any relationship they’ve had 54 %
Percent of married men who have strayed at least once during their married lives 22 %
Percent of married women who have strayed at least once during their married lives 14 %
Percentage of men and women who admit to having an affair with a co-worker 36 %
Percentage of men and women who admit to infidelity on business trips 35%
Percentage of men and women who admit to infidelity with a brother-in-law or sister-in-law 17 %
Average length of an affair 2 years
Percentage of marriages that last after an affair has been admitted to or discovered 31 %
Percentage of men who say they would have an affair if they knew they would never get caught 74 %
Percentage of women who say they would have an affair if they knew they would never get caught 68 %
Percent of children who are the product of infidelity 3 %
This is being discussed like people with doubts about their
partner's fidelity are crazy tinfoil hat wearing conspiracy theorists.
I understand the desire to see it that way, but it's just not the reality.
People cheat, alot of people cheat.
Research Date: 1.1.2014
Marriage Infidelity Statistics Data
Percent of marriages where one or both spouses admit to infidelity, either physical or emotional 41 %
Percent of men who admit to committing infidelity in any relationship they’ve had 57 %
Percentage of women who admit to committing infidelity in any relationship they’ve had 54 %
Percent of married men who have strayed at least once during their married lives 22 %
Percent of married women who have strayed at least once during their married lives 14 %
Percentage of men and women who admit to having an affair with a co-worker 36 %
Percentage of men and women who admit to infidelity on business trips 35%
Percentage of men and women who admit to infidelity with a brother-in-law or sister-in-law 17 %
Average length of an affair 2 years
Percentage of marriages that last after an affair has been admitted to or discovered 31 %
Percentage of men who say they would have an affair if they knew they would never get caught 74 %
Percentage of women who say they would have an affair if they knew they would never get caught 68 %
Percent of children who are the product of infidelity 3 %
This is being discussed like people with doubts about their
partner's fidelity are crazy tinfoil hat wearing conspiracy theorists.
I understand the desire to see it that way, but it's just not the reality.
People cheat, alot of people cheat.
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Created: Feb 2014
Last Viewed: Apr 8
Last Commented: Feb 2014
Last Voted: Jul 2017
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Would you check a partners E-mail or Texts unbeknown to them?....(Vote Below)
If you had suspicions, would you check up on your partner and/or confront, and for the 'opposition', would you fess up before it got to being found out or call off the afair/bit on the side...