Why do long relationships sometimes breakdown; your opinion of the #1 factor? (73)
BornTwice: What is your opinion as to why long relationships eventually turn into broken hearts and lives. It is a sad thing to see prevail in our society.
When marriage/longterm relationships were first mooted, people lived short lives. Most didn't live beyond 40.
We are expecting relationships to survive at least double that now, and it is probably an unrealistic aspiration.
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Not buying; that is like saying relationships have a built in expiration date and many people have healthy relationships that last a long lifetime.
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BornTwice: Not buying; that is like saying relationships have a built in expiration date and many people have healthy relationships that last a long lifetime.
Some do.
Many, I doubt it
I think that many people just get comfortable in it and don't like change.
It is easier for many to be in a less than fulfilling relationship than not to be.
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IMHO a 'romantic relationship' such as with a LT a partner or marriage is always a temporary and ephemeral thing ...
It can only exist while there is the continued agreement of both parties for it to exist...
But the relationship or marriage can be over for a very long time before either party even realise or acknowledge it.
It can only exist while there is the continued agreement of both parties for it to exist...
But the relationship or marriage can be over for a very long time before either party even realise or acknowledge it.
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mollybaby: When marriage/longterm relationships were first mooted, people lived short lives. Most didn't live beyond 40.
We are expecting relationships to survive at least double that now, and it is probably an unrealistic aspiration.
We are expecting relationships to survive at least double that now, and it is probably an unrealistic aspiration.
That's a fact ... most people were dead before the marriage expired hence the lines 'Till death us do part...'
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Because people pretend to be something they are not.
When their true self shows up then everything goes to hell.
When their true self shows up then everything goes to hell.
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Other than being with some-one that maybe an arsehole,
I suppose because the relationship gets boring.
People grow, through different networks.
In an order that leads them to love indulging,whether their children,business,art,religion, gardening,Samaritan work I don't know, could be anything, calligraphy? Knitting
many more choices.
The familiar starts, when meeting attraction, yet, we all have many vices that emerge when life becomes stilled.
yet hanging on to the "In a relationship"
Be honest every step of the way.
I suppose because the relationship gets boring.
People grow, through different networks.
In an order that leads them to love indulging,whether their children,business,art,religion, gardening,Samaritan work I don't know, could be anything, calligraphy? Knitting
many more choices.
The familiar starts, when meeting attraction, yet, we all have many vices that emerge when life becomes stilled.
yet hanging on to the "In a relationship"
Be honest every step of the way.
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BornTwice: Why do long relationships sometimes breakdown; your opinion of the #1 factor?.
Lack of commitment.
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lack of communication.
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BornTwice: What is your opinion as to why long relationships eventually turn into broken hearts and lives. It is a sad thing to see prevail in our society.
Lack of communication
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Too many expectations from both partners.
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secretagent09: Too many expectations from both partners.
I think this is the best answer so far.
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Because the other person doesn't really get to know you 
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"Lack of commitment" - end
I agree and that commitment is very broad; meaning a person can be committed to raising the children and sharing in house duties, but lack the commitment toward intimacy & self sacrifice. The result can be devastating and end in divorce. The bible implies that love is much more than emotion, but is a determination to care and commit to another by denying ones self and caring for the needs and desires of another. When the two have the same attitude and commitment; it is magical. Only a few ever get to experience these things unfortunately. God expresses His love by committing His son to save those who hated him; that is a love we cannot earn nor fully understand, but nonetheless is true.
I agree and that commitment is very broad; meaning a person can be committed to raising the children and sharing in house duties, but lack the commitment toward intimacy & self sacrifice. The result can be devastating and end in divorce. The bible implies that love is much more than emotion, but is a determination to care and commit to another by denying ones self and caring for the needs and desires of another. When the two have the same attitude and commitment; it is magical. Only a few ever get to experience these things unfortunately. God expresses His love by committing His son to save those who hated him; that is a love we cannot earn nor fully understand, but nonetheless is true.
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serena123: Because the other person doesn't really get to know you
Very good! We tend to look on the outside and substitute emotion for reason and when the emotions turn from positive to negative, then there is no substance left because people never bothered to really get to know the other.
God bless you!
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Having been in a relatively long marriage (28Years). I would say that lack of communication was close to the top of the list. But it's not that simple. If a couple is not talking then there's a reason for that breakdown in communication.
The truth is most marriages breakup because of selfishness from one or both persons.
The truth is most marriages breakup because of selfishness from one or both persons.
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Unresolved issues is a big one.....
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Maybe people who are compatible for one stage of life are not compatible for another.
If friendships come and go according to circumstances, life changes, personal development, etc., then maybe it's unrealistic for relationships to survive those same life changes.
And there are more life changes involved in some societies now. Gone are the days when people would have the same employer all their working lives. Likewise, the structure of families with one breadwinner, or one person with a career.
The logistics of two people's employment, or careers can make it difficult for couples to stay together.
If friendships come and go according to circumstances, life changes, personal development, etc., then maybe it's unrealistic for relationships to survive those same life changes.
And there are more life changes involved in some societies now. Gone are the days when people would have the same employer all their working lives. Likewise, the structure of families with one breadwinner, or one person with a career.
The logistics of two people's employment, or careers can make it difficult for couples to stay together.
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3. Often break down because one or both partners retire from work and they have to spend more time together. That's a sad time to realize the person you have been with so long is unbearably irritating 24/7
2. People change, all the time. You aren't the person you were 5 years ago. Sometimes the changes don't suit the relationship
1. Life sucks, maybe it will be better with a new person.
I'm just guessing, never been in a long-term romantic relationship. I guess I have a short attention span
2. People change, all the time. You aren't the person you were 5 years ago. Sometimes the changes don't suit the relationship
1. Life sucks, maybe it will be better with a new person.
I'm just guessing, never been in a long-term romantic relationship. I guess I have a short attention span
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bigjb62: Having been in a relatively long marriage (28Years). I would say that lack of communication was close to the top of the list. But it's not that simple. If a couple is not talking then there's a reason for that breakdown in communication.
The truth is most marriages breakup because of selfishness from one or both persons.
Absolutely damn rightThe truth is most marriages breakup because of selfishness from one or both persons.
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ALL relationships (of ANY kind) break up MOSTLY because of things that CAN BE REDUCED to one issue. "Loss of interest." The partners IN the relationship lose INTEREST IN the relationship, and no longer give it the necessary ATTENTION that ALL relationships REQUIRE, in order to be maintained!
If you'll THINK about it, ALL relationships are established by the investment of a lot of time and attention, to the parties involved, by the parties involved! Once there's no longer sufficient interest to motivate the attention that created the relationship, to maintaining the relationship, the significance of the relationship will diminish, to the point where the quality of the relationship matches the attention that the partners give the relationship. No attention? No relationship! Little attention.? Little, insignificant relationship! MUCH attention? An IMPORTANT, VIBRANT relationship!
The duration and quality of a relationships bears a DIRECT - 1 to 1 - relationship to the amount of time and energy put INTO it! And "time and energy" translate DIRECTLY into "attention"! Your question is REALLY a pretty simple one. ALL relationships - L-O-N-G, or short - break down because the people IN them lose the interest IN/motivation TO maintain them! And that IS MOST NOTABLE through/by observing the amount of time/energy/ATTENTION they invest in them. JMO
If you'll THINK about it, ALL relationships are established by the investment of a lot of time and attention, to the parties involved, by the parties involved! Once there's no longer sufficient interest to motivate the attention that created the relationship, to maintaining the relationship, the significance of the relationship will diminish, to the point where the quality of the relationship matches the attention that the partners give the relationship. No attention? No relationship! Little attention.? Little, insignificant relationship! MUCH attention? An IMPORTANT, VIBRANT relationship!
The duration and quality of a relationships bears a DIRECT - 1 to 1 - relationship to the amount of time and energy put INTO it! And "time and energy" translate DIRECTLY into "attention"! Your question is REALLY a pretty simple one. ALL relationships - L-O-N-G, or short - break down because the people IN them lose the interest IN/motivation TO maintain them! And that IS MOST NOTABLE through/by observing the amount of time/energy/ATTENTION they invest in them. JMO
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Hedonism. You only live once
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ChesneyChrist: Hedonism. You only live once
What makes you THINK so, CC? 
I CAN'T prove it to you, because you wouldn't ACCEPT my proof! 
But "I", PERSONALLY, KNOW you're wrong! 
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Mercedes_00: Too many walking va*ina's too compete with.
Don't compete, M! Let "love" come to you! 
If you're open and receptive to it, it WILL find you! Maybe NOT in the form or style you WANT! Or EXPECT! But it WILL find you! 
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Mercedes_00: Too many walking va*ina's too compete with.
I SHOULD have added that "love" IS NOT something that CAN be won, or lost! It can only be received, as a gift, IF earned/deserved! 
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Lack of growth, people get comfortable and forget to improve, taking everything for granted without making an effort...
The fear of missing on someone or something better and more interesting, the thrill of the chase...the reward afterwards...
"You are not the person I fell in love with"...yeah, the point when you see your expectation and the reality not being the same thing, first colouring me nice and then stripping me off of all the imaginary things you wanted me to be...sad but your fault...
The list is endless...
The fear of missing on someone or something better and more interesting, the thrill of the chase...the reward afterwards...
"You are not the person I fell in love with"...yeah, the point when you see your expectation and the reality not being the same thing, first colouring me nice and then stripping me off of all the imaginary things you wanted me to be...sad but your fault...
The list is endless...
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Let_Us: I SHOULD have added that "love" IS NOT something that CAN be won, or lost! It can only be received, as a gift, IF earned/deserved!
I truly don't care about all that jazz I'm very happy as is.------ This poll is Archived ------
Let_Us: Don't compete, M! Let "love" come to you! If you're open and receptive to it, it WILL find you! Maybe NOT in the form or style you WANT! Or EXPECT! But it WILL find you!
I wouldn't even try and compete even if you offered to pay me 
Whilst technology is used for rooting tooting I'm just not interested in getting involved and there's nothing wrong with that.
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Learning to accept you won't always agree or get on and working through it. As we age we change our thoughts. Often it changes feelings for that person.
The only love I have found to be unconditional is with my kid. No matter how crazy they drive me. But I don't always have to like them to know I love them. Which is where I think we fail in long term. Not recognising this and talking things through.
It's hard to communicate with each other when feelings are hurt and we all have our ways with dealing with that. Which is where love is challenged.
I know I am one of those people. That sometimes I just need space from the person, simply so my emotional reactions don't make things worse. Often people will see that as a bad thing. Rather than the true intention is not to say things I don't mean. Causing a further divide and hurt. It is often seen as rejection, being pushed away. When that is far from my intent.
We all communicate on our own levels. It's reaching a level of compromise to enable us to talk.
The only love I have found to be unconditional is with my kid. No matter how crazy they drive me. But I don't always have to like them to know I love them. Which is where I think we fail in long term. Not recognising this and talking things through.
It's hard to communicate with each other when feelings are hurt and we all have our ways with dealing with that. Which is where love is challenged.
I know I am one of those people. That sometimes I just need space from the person, simply so my emotional reactions don't make things worse. Often people will see that as a bad thing. Rather than the true intention is not to say things I don't mean. Causing a further divide and hurt. It is often seen as rejection, being pushed away. When that is far from my intent.
We all communicate on our own levels. It's reaching a level of compromise to enable us to talk.
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73 Comments
Created: May 2017
Last Viewed: Apr 19
Last Commented: Apr 2018
Last Voted: Sep 2022
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Why do long relationships sometimes breakdown; your opinion of the #1 factor?(Vote Below)