How many love letters should a person write, before mentioning they're married? ( Archived) (37)

I really try to think higher thoughts about it....

But... it all gets blurred by the fact there's a big difference, between a married woman, and a widow, etc...


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you can write to her for 365 days, montly- 12

all you need to do is write 10 sentances a day or more , make sure it the words are all conacted on you dail mails- like
for today,- Melaine. I was thiking of the time you made me a cake
then tomorrow- you can write as- it was the most delicious cake i ate,

so on and on ok Buddy

Yeah, I get that saying you're a widow, or divorced when you're not is a big-red-flag-run-away-as-fast-as-you're-legs-can-carry-you-lie, but I was just wondering how men, or women were viewed by you, or anyone else, if their marital relationship was most definitely over?

I've known people who, disillusioned with the "'til death do us part" thing have realised that their vows were meaningless, (for example if their spouse cheated on them). As divorce can be a costly and stressful, sometimes people may not bother making a fuss over legally cancelling vows that have been cancelled emotionally a long time ago. There are others who maybe in process of divorce, but this can take some time. Would you, or anyone else view these people as still married and so off limits, assuming they had told you the truth about their situation?

Jac xxx

PS. I've never been married, so I'm not asking out of personal interest.

Write her?



I'm only writing in this thread to find out how common, it is for divorcees, and widows on dating sites, to really be married?



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it is a very common thing for wrting is therapy to loosen the undfeined mind , caugth in its journey of turbelence- very common among divorcees, retiress, widows, widowwer, broken hearted and others too musch jto mention

This is the first international forum I've ever been, but prevously I exchanged many letters and met many people around ex-Yugoslavia and only one of them lied about his marrital status. Well, actually, he didn't lie, we had a casual conversation, chat and fun and never talked about that subject. After some time, he wanted to meet me, so he thought it would be wise to tell me that he isn't single. But I was angry anyway and refused to meet him. But I 'met' some men online who acted if they are interested to meet other people, but actually they didn't. They just had fun creating some unexisting images about themselves on the internet and living virtual lives that had a little to do with what they really are.

So, I guess that many 'married' people you met on the internet maybe aren't married at all, but are far away from the image they created about themselves throught letters and chat and now they are ashamed to meet you and allow you to see they aren't who they pretended to be. At the same time they might be married and be in some unhappy and unsatisfying marriages so seducing men online fills a little their empty lives. They cannot say that to you until it's too late, because their purpose is to find someone who will flirt with them. If they state that in their profiles - they can have friends only and it's not why they are here.

I think one shouldn't take these sites too seriously, but If you're really looking for a date, someone near you, don't chat too long. A few days (weeks) maximum and arrange the real date. If they refuse - something is wrong - either they lie about something or they are here for fun only and don't want to meet anyone. If you're chatting with someone far away - don't get too involved.

I've never been married either.

There's just part of me that draws the line at married women.

It's not a judgment on anyone, I've seen a woman I loved... abused, and cheated on; I hated her husband for treating her so bad.

She came to me, she knew I loved her; but, I couldn't be with her, because she was married.

I'm not claiming to be a saint, I've been with married women when I was younger; I just couldn't look myself in the mirror if I did it now.



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Good post.

So if a woman you met/loved had not even set eyes upon her former husband in a number of years and had not been able to afford the time and money for a divorce because she prioritized the raising of her children alone, you would consider her still married and off limits?

Jac xxx

If they've not put married or separated on their profile and you discover after you have both exchanged mail that they are still married, then I would suggest that you politely tell them that you are not interested in playing games and wish them a wonderful life and get on with your life.

to me a married woman if she writes love letters..they should be to her husband..otherwise is a dispicable thing to do..deception on the highest level..JMO

yep... We are smart, here in Serbia....

So, what a lot of this boils down to is trust issues. I understand the situation that Anon found himself in was unacceptable in terms of honesty, but I think a general dismissal of someone who is still legally married has much to do with an arbitrary line being drawn in the sand, that actually may have no bearing on somebody's behaviour.

A person who has never been married, or is divorced may be a liar and a cheat.

Jac xxx

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ditto

So.... none of that matters, if she tells me she's a widow, or divorced, and I find out it's not true.


All of those extenuating circumstances are going to be hard to believe, once I find out her husband is back from the dead, or they were never really divorced.


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yes thats a good one, quite an omission. i always say,no reason to cloud the issue with the facts.

If she tells me, she was divorced, or a widow.... and then, I find out that's not true.... the only thing I'll believe about her marriage after that, is... it's time for me to stop listening, and start traveling.


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Hmmm good point here. When I moved out and didn't live with my ex husband anymore I considered myself to be "single" however in NC you MUST wait a year before filing for divorce and so even though I was available, I was technically still married and I would have said single...

So they delayed telling to lead you in. That's so mean!