am i really selfish ?

my first husband left me for my best friend, my second beat me so bad he got arrested for attempted murder and the father to my last child was to afraid to commit after we had the baby so the fact i am on my own with four kids is not exactly my fault and i am working damn hard to get of the social but hard when i am actually only allowed to work 16 hours and earn £20 before they dock my money and leave me with nothng, yu also forget i hae to pay a sitter when i go to college or go to work........ running a home and working two jobs to make ends meet cos the fathrs dont contribute is hard work so i think i am etitled to a bit of me time and zumba destresses me and keeps me going
with an atitude like you have got then no wnder yur single applause

follow up from my 'dilema' blog

thank you so much everyone for your lovely comments,

lonliness can be hard at times but i have my kids, zumba, work and coursework to keep me busy, plus have some very good friends to keep me company so i cant complain

@ swissblueeyes, you were one of my first to ever comment on one of my blogs when i first joined here 9 months ago so have always taken your wise words on board, thank you for being such a good friend, i wont settle for anything less than i think i deserve grin

@ morgenulv, you made me giggle lips

am i really selfish ?

thank you darren x

am i really selfish ?

thank you so very much everyone for your comments, i've just got back from a zumba class and was feeling guilty for going until i read all your wonderful comments, i only do two evening classes and one day class before i go to work so i dont spend too much evening time away from my kids........ my parents and i are not talking because of all this but these three hours a week does make me feel good and does de stress me from every day life as i do work hard and never stop,
i love my children dearly and wish i could give them the world but relistically i cant so i give them my love and my support and trying to better myself so they can have nice things
its hard being a single mum but i would not be without my kids for the world and i dont complain about my life, would just be nice to have support from my family instead of criticism moping


thank you sooo much everyone for all your wise words and comments, was lovely to read and has given me lots to think about which i will do, one reason why i love this site and doing blogs is you get such good advice, really appreciate it teddybear


@ jana, thank you for your wise words, you do make such a valid point and one i do appreciate and understand, my ex i did love and still love cos we shsre a child together and i moved on with my life cos he was not apart of it as i thought he had walked away from us and this was for six months, since then i have met this guy and we get on sooo well and i could fall in love with him but i have stopped myself because we did say it was going to be just casual and we did say no promises and that we would take each day as it comes but he misses me when i dont see him and i do miss him when i dont see him to whereas my ex i give very little thought too although i feel at ease with him when i'm with him but then i enjoy my time with my partner and if i know we could probably have something really good if we both had the balls to do stand up and go for it but it is the not knowing thats hard especially when my ex is willing to give it his all and try again, your right i will probably wake up one day and everything will just fall into place, i think with my partner i like the fact i get on with his mum, brother and friends and it all feels sooo nice whereas with my ex he kept us all seperate x


@ oly, thank you for your advice and you are right, only we can decide what is best for us but sometimes nice to hear other people thoughts, ideas, opinions and life experiances,

@ virgo, i was in a 12 year relationship and your right it took me three years to feel emotionally seperated, i have just had his mum call me up to see how i am and to thank me for making her son happy and to thank me for being such a good friend her to her other son as i have been his hairdresser for the past year lol, it would have been my partners wedding anniversary today


@ vyoleta, i never thought about getting back with my ex but the more time we spend together the closer we have become but it is that worry of am i going to give up something that is good but with no promises of a future for someone who wants a future but no promises it could work out again

@ virgo, the guy i am seeing is going through the hatred stage for his wife as he was with her for 27 years, totally loyal to her and has given her everything, she has not wanted for a thing but she deceded she didn't love him any more and yeah i suppose after being with the same partner for soo long and then a female who is 14 years younger than him and his wife comes along it probably is a huge ego boost for him and where as at first we both said it would be a bit of casual fun feelings have and are changing but his scared i think of commiting again after what has happened and his done the bringing up the kids thing and his not sure he can do it again


@ coffee, are you talking about the comment i have just made on someones blog or a blog i once made ?
i do know what i want and the thing is the guy i am seeing gives me the things i need, love, protection, companionship, laughs, excitement, etc whereas with my babies dad i used to think that maybe we never had much in common at all but i am enjoying his company at the moment and its nice to have a mummy and a daddy in the same house doing things together as a family and i know he wants the family life whereas the guy i am seeing said he never but his actions says something else, very confusing doh


@ yass, thank you for your comment, the reason it mostly did not work out for my ex and i was cos of his then 16 year old daughter making it very difficult for us but like you have said, she is now 21 and has grown up and got a life of her own, we never argued over anything else except for his time keeping but then he does live a hour and a half journey away from me so have to may some allownaces for that i suppose, i think maybe we have been apart for almost a year and both had relationships since that maybe we have realised what we did or could have had

@ iamwhoiam, thank you for your comment, that had crossed my mind too as where as my ex was on his own for 7 years before meeting me after a 19 year relationship the guy i am with now was only on his own for four months after 27 years and he seems to like the idea of being with a 35 year old woman and likes to show me of to his friends although his soom to be ex wife and kids still do not know about us but then my ex's family never knew about me for the first 6 months and it took him 3 years and a child later to even introduce me to his parents of daughter and i never met any of his friends whereas the guy i am with now i have met both his brothers and his mum and a lot of his friends and work colleagues

RE: So what makes you think you are worthy of a relati

togetherness is about having good conversation, maybe even great sex, being the best of friends, laughing with them more than anyone else, remembering little things about each other, paying attention to eachother and making plans about the near and far future, being there for eachother, appreciating eachothers feelings, being able to be yourself, miss them when their not around, looking forward to seeing them, to talking to them
its putting up with good,bad, happy and sad times and helping eachother through them, taking on eachothers baggage if need be and supporting them with the things they love to do
its not about making sacrafices its about working things out so you can be together as a couple and still keep yourself as an individual aswell and being able to involve eachothers families and friends into that unit, thats when you create a bond

heart beating


hi 10k, lovely to hear from you even if it was a quick hello lol, hope your keeping well xx

hello again

thank you sands for your comment, i have always dated guys about eight years older than me and only once i have ever dated someone who was 15 years older, with the guy i am seeing now he looks after himself and knows how to treat a woman
its nice to see a guy who looks after himself soo well, x

hello again

hi swiss, hi craig,
not had the chance to log back on here but so nice to see some familiar friendly faces on here. love to you both x

hello again

trust me i dont sweat at a night club, at zumba i come out looking like i've had a shower lol applause

hello again

go to you tube and put in zumba, your see for yourself what its all about
its the new biggest thing for fitness but i love it, its latin salsa dance but in a keep fit style, i love it, they reckon in an hour you can burn between 500 to 1000 calories depending how hard you work out,
i am only a size 8 and weigh under 8 stone so its not just for fatties but it is for people of all ages and weights cos of the style of aerobics it is
i love it, i go three times a week now banana

hello again

you have a point there because as soon as i started my zumba up i started to feel better about myself, i did have a clearer mind, since then things have been working out so much better, i do believe if you feel good then you have a better attitude to life x

RE: feeling pressured at the age of 27.

i met my now ex husband when i was 17, we married when i was 26 but we divorced a few years later
i would say enjoy your life, live your life and settle down when your ready
there is no real rush, i had my first child when i was 21, my last child when i was 33 and i felt more relaxed and more confident as a older mum x

what a mug

i did move on and have found a really nice guy who i have been with for 13 weeks now,
alan and i decided to remain friends which we have done although still get grief of his ex, he is still single teddybear


thanks swiss hunnie

i do listen to what you say, admittedly not always followed your advice doh
but your words have been encouraging so thank you for being there, i will take your advice this time, i am moving on, going to have some fun with my girls and go on a few dates and just enjoy being spoilt

thank you for being such a great friend xx

what a mug

thanks everyone for all your comments

i dont think he is playing me but i do believe his ex is controlling him way too much and therefore there will never be any room for me

i have gone back to dating and am just going to enjoy myself until the right one makes the effort and proves he wants to be with me and my kids

appreciate all your comments teddybear

my brother

thank you everyone for all your lovely messages, really appreciated it

his home now, taking it easy, keeps having these nightmares etc but i am sure he will make a full recovery xx

what to do

i never wanted him to miss out on our daughter
he deleted me of fb, i never had his home numberand he changed his mobile number so i had no way to contact him, ok i could have sent him a letter to his address but why should i have done, he had my home number and my mobile number and my address details, he also could have unblocked me on fb, my best mate was a fb friend and even she had told him just before christmas that i had been trying to contact him

just feel that i have done all the sleepless nights with the teething, moving her from cot to bed and getting her into a routine, plus five months out of her life is a long time and i doubt she will know him now, he will have to get to know her again, i have not been a part from her for 5 months and the thought of handing hter over now kills me, i dont want her not to know her dadm in fact i still love her dad and want her to know him but i dont want her to go over night now, dont know what he sudden interest is all of a sudden, he was too busy clubbing it last i heard x

what to do

yeah but that dont help 10k, your normally full of good advice

do i just hand her over, do i allow him time to get to know her again first as his not seen her for so long or do i fight my corner and refuse access after all he stopped seeing her of his own back x


thank you craig

thing is he went out and replaced all the furniture she has smashed up in her home cos of this
he has called his sister shouting at her saying if anyone touches jaz (his ex) or the kids he will have them and yet when she was threatning me he basically laughed about it and said i had asked for it

just cant get my head round it, i feel i have no closure, the last time we spoke was thursday morning when he left to go to work, we were all over eachother,

i will try to move on though x


i think your right, just hard to move on i suppose
i text him today, could not help it and he never got back to me, instead for the first time ever he showed up with his ex to collect all the kids, normally they do it seperatly but i think she made him do it to get to me which yeah it did, think i need to move on but so hard moping


he was not using his ex as an excuse,

i know his sister and his mum and they were telling me all he talks about is me and how happy he has been
his mates have said they have never seen him sooo happy
he told me saturday morning how much he loved me and wanted us to be together, the reason he told the kids was cos he was so serious about us, we were really happy, in fact our relationship was perfect
he is just scared of loosing his kids and he will do anything to keep hold of them, even if it means sacraficing his happiness, our happiness

it got worse on sunday though with his ex going crazy, saying she was going to smash me all over the place, i had to call the police out on here cos i cant have that at school which made him turn on me, he has now blocked my phone and got the police to ask me not to text him any more, he told me i cant contact him any more as she will stop him from seeing the kids

i saw him at the school yesterday and he looked down at the ground, could not look at me

my sister had a word with him and he is gutted about us and did not want us to split up but just keeps saying about the kids

i saw his ex today and she is well pleased with herself sigh


thanks for all your comments guys, back to the drawing board, just thought i had found my match this time

one thing i will say is he defiantly was not sleeping with her still as if he was not with me he was at work or taking the kids round to see his mum who i also met and get on with very well, both his mum and sister are sooo mad at him, they say he is all over the place, she really has worked those kids against him and his trying to calm things down as she really has kicked of which means he told me he could not see me any more

she has used the fact that we go to the same school an issue but before she found out it was not a issue

your all right though as he has to learn to stand up to her but whilst the youngest is only 5 and she is using her and the other kids as weapons he has said he needs to put the kids first before his happiness, sod the fact that my kids have grown close to him

i am just soo upset that his done this, he kept telling me that when he told her that all would be ok and he got of at the first hurdle, thought as a couple your meant to work through everything together as a couple moping

met someone

thanks again for all your lovely comments

your all so right....... perfection does not exist and sometimes we get too wrapped up trying to find our trophey boy/girlfriend instead of looking for that someone who can and will give us what we need
its no good finding yourself a trophey boy/girlfriend if they dont want to spend quality time with you and is always prominsing to make it up to you or they think showering you with gifts make it up as it doesn't and your right if you get that to start of with then your get that forever more

this guy i am seeing pops round every day, there is never an excuse or reason to why he cant and he works long hours and has kids too who he has to see etc but he still manages to find time to see me and give me quality time which means more to me than anything but we both know and understand that we need our space too so we give eachother that aswell even though we see eachother every day, i can really see this lasting and yes the kids liking him helps, he comes round after working 12 hours sometimes and he has the dog jumping up at him, my 5 year old diving on him and my 15 month holding her arms out to him wanting him to pick her up and yet he plays with them etc
my eldest too he talks to them and winds them up but in a nice way, its just lovely to have him around grin


i think what the individual person does to fulfill there s*xual appetite is down to them as long as the ones he or she is sleeping with knows that they are sleeping around other than that you stick to just one and be faithful

i do believe to find your soul mate you need to be comapatible in every area in or out of bed and if you do find this person then you should be satisfied as its not just about sex
however i do believe good sex is vital, i could not stay with someone if the sex between us was not good even if he had all the other qualities i wanted in a relationship

i was approached the other month by a guy who is married with kids and asked if i would help him out as his wife couldn't and in fact he has cheated on her several times and still not been fulfilled, i could not believe what i was hearing as she has no idea of any if this,

if you want to sleep around then do so but dont get into a relationship with anyone

i believe sex between two people who are in love is the most powerful sex you can ever have, going from partner to another to another will never fulfil you as you dont get that closeness, its just cold sex, love making is what fulfills your s*xual desire x

This is a list of blog comments created by kas14.

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