WHO am I? I am what I eat, what I think, what I believe, what I do, and I am the average person with whom I spend most of my time with family and friends
I agree with that.
But what happens when life forces you to eat something different, think something different, believe something different, do something different....... I think both of my friends last night were down that path of "different" due to life's circumstance. I guess I was too with the alcohol I consumed.
The point is....I think most of us feel for certain we know who we are....but as Love pointed out, perhaps we have not hit certain trials and tribulations in life where that past perception of ourselves really doesn't matter any more. Making who we thought we were...somewhat an illusion.
Merc....I agree. I think we as humans can frame ourselves in from a certain standpoint and operate from there. Like you said, from a frame of kindness. But, I am guessing as a human...we can stray from that frame of reference a bit...therefore making us temporarily somebody else.
Love...I think you have pointed out something important about how we go through life with those trials and tribulations. We get tested....and sometimes we even surprise ourselves with those results.
Oinika, I totally agree with everything you have said.
If one person suggest to their partner about a bad habit and the partner agrees....perfect. In that case, encourage all day long.
Like you brought up about the 3 bottles of wine, and that habit not being approved of. Yes, I think it is good to discuss how it is not healthy and something one would rather not tolerate in a relationship. But, if the other persists on the habit, then tough decisions need to be made.
I am a love me as I am type of guy.....and love the woman the way she is. If there is something that I later find out that is not acceptable....that is time for discussion. But usually I am a pretty laid back type. I am guessing there are those that need to micromanage every aspect of some people. After all, some have an image to uphold.
We as individuals all have our unique levels of tolerances. I think it is healthy for one to express those in relationships...and hopefully for the partner to recognize and respect them.
Good on you for doing what you felt you needed to do.
You seem like a happy woman so it seems as if you did the right thing.
I do agree with you about the drunk driving...and I would hope that the person you are trying to stop from driving would also. If not right there because of their drunken state, but when they at least sobered up. It would be fair to say that they are not in their right state of mind...if and when they concluded you were controlling them. Now if this was a continuous behavior...I don't know about you, but for me if I were riding in a car like that when they were drunk, I would be leaving the relationship in short order.
The dog and ladder situation would be nice of you to mention and help out with.
I do work, but for myself at the moment.
Each relationship is different from the next. A person in a relationship might like to be told what to do and to jump as high as what the other is suggesting. A person may like to give a little to make their loved one happy. A person might like to give to make their loved one happy and hopes the loved one would change some of their behaviors as well. A person might just want the loved one to change everything for them and not change anything about themselves.
I do agree. And you do make a good point about it being apparent. Some things are not so outright apparent. However, when they are, it is easier to address the issue.
It even gets more complex than that, because if the person who is being controlled is giving up things they might like because of the love for the other....they are then becoming willingly blind.
...but how do you identify that in the thick of things.
I understand you are completely focused just on the smoking example I have given.
Let me ask you a question. What if you were with a woman who did not like the fact that you were giving your family more attention than to her...and she wanted you to stop seeing your family....unless absolutely need?
Sea, I am not against making people better or healthier.
What I am against is making people somebody they don't want to be.
In this case, if the person did not like them smoking....and the smoker don't want to quit smoking...the non-smoker should break off the relationship. The earlier the better so as not to string anyone along, I would suggest.
Encouraging somebody to be better and healthier...when they want to be better and healthier...I am all for.
Thank you for sharing that story. Your friend seems like a decent man. If there was something that he could not live with by being with her, he can just simply leave.
Or, like I stated to Sea...if she wanted to stop being in the profession and was having a difficult time leaving...he could be there to encourage her. But, if she wanted to be in that profession and your friend didn't like it, then...bye bye.
However, if one does not want to change and is being endlessly encouraged too....I might see that as something else.
I always thought that you love somebody for who they are....not for somebody you plan to mold into your selfish desires.
For those that like molding, I would suggest getting a dog or something similar. Leave humans be humans.
I don't see a problem expressing a concern over a habit you are not especially pleased with...but to become to the point where you are endlessly encouraging them...especially when you know they are okay with that habit.....then instead of trying to mold them, maybe one should mold themselves and consider breaking off the relationship.
However, if you know that person wants to end that habit...and you are encouraging them....that is different.
Who are we?
Robert....that is somewhat my situation last night...minus the woman.