Johnny_Sparton Blog Comments (7,936)

where does the line become blurred between loving and controlling

Oinika, I totally agree with everything you have said.

If one person suggest to their partner about a bad habit and the partner agrees....perfect. In that case, encourage all day long.

Like you brought up about the 3 bottles of wine, and that habit not being approved of. Yes, I think it is good to discuss how it is not healthy and something one would rather not tolerate in a relationship. But, if the other persists on the habit, then tough decisions need to be made.

The key, I think is, communication and respect.

where does the line become blurred between loving and controlling

Capri.... ....I agree.

I am a love me as I am type of guy.....and love the woman the way she is. If there is something that I later find out that is not acceptable....that is time for discussion. But usually I am a pretty laid back type. I am guessing there are those that need to micromanage every aspect of some people. After all, some have an image to uphold.

where does the line become blurred between loving and controlling

Ysa,

We as individuals all have our unique levels of tolerances. I think it is healthy for one to express those in relationships...and hopefully for the partner to recognize and respect them.

Good on you for doing what you felt you needed to do.

You seem like a happy woman so it seems as if you did the right thing.

where does the line become blurred between loving and controlling

Swamie,

Very interesting story and thank you for sharing it.

where does the line become blurred between loving and controlling

Hello Suzie,

I do agree with you about the drunk driving...and I would hope that the person you are trying to stop from driving would also. If not right there because of their drunken state, but when they at least sobered up. It would be fair to say that they are not in their right state of mind...if and when they concluded you were controlling them. Now if this was a continuous behavior...I don't know about you, but for me if I were riding in a car like that when they were drunk, I would be leaving the relationship in short order.

The dog and ladder situation would be nice of you to mention and help out with.

I do work, but for myself at the moment.

Each relationship is different from the next. A person in a relationship might like to be told what to do and to jump as high as what the other is suggesting. A person may like to give a little to make their loved one happy. A person might like to give to make their loved one happy and hopes the loved one would change some of their behaviors as well. A person might just want the loved one to change everything for them and not change anything about themselves.

Bottom line...whatever floats one boat.

where does the line become blurred between loving and controlling

CC,

I do agree. And you do make a good point about it being apparent. Some things are not so outright apparent. However, when they are, it is easier to address the issue.

where does the line become blurred between loving and controlling

Okay Sea, I understand that quote better.

where does the line become blurred between loving and controlling

....oops, last comment directed to Dan.

where does the line become blurred between loving and controlling

Loh....I agree, trust is a major foundational building block to any relationship.

where does the line become blurred between loving and controlling

Hello Secret...

Understandable. But, why date a guy who smokes in the first place?

where does the line become blurred between loving and controlling

Thank you Ysa, you as well. :)

where does the line become blurred between loving and controlling

I agree....it is a difficult aspect to assess. Relationships are give and take after all.


I have seen like you...where one has given, perhaps more than the other...only to end up a door mat.

As far as I read, one does not want to become a door mat in a relationship.

where does the line become blurred between loving and controlling

in addition Ysa,

It even gets more complex than that, because if the person who is being controlled is giving up things they might like because of the love for the other....they are then becoming willingly blind.


...but how do you identify that in the thick of things.

where does the line become blurred between loving and controlling

Ysa...what an interesting clever way of describing a controlling relationship.


That is why I write this blog.....I feel there is a fine line between a loving relationship and a controlling one.

where does the line become blurred between loving and controlling

Sea,

I understand you are completely focused just on the smoking example I have given.

Let me ask you a question. What if you were with a woman who did not like the fact that you were giving your family more attention than to her...and she wanted you to stop seeing your family....unless absolutely need?

What would you take on a situation like that be.

where does the line become blurred between loving and controlling

Swamie...it sounds like somebody can make a movie out of that story.

where does the line become blurred between loving and controlling

Loh,

That is fair of you....to allow her to be her.

Her initial level of honesty with her profile is a whole new blog in and of itself.

But...you bring up a good question to ponder....are women more accepting of men's shortcomings, or are men more accepting of women's short comings.

where does the line become blurred between loving and controlling

Sea, I am not against making people better or healthier.

What I am against is making people somebody they don't want to be.

In this case, if the person did not like them smoking....and the smoker don't want to quit smoking...the non-smoker should break off the relationship. The earlier the better so as not to string anyone along, I would suggest.

Encouraging somebody to be better and healthier...when they want to be better and healthier...I am all for.

where does the line become blurred between loving and controlling

Swamie, I have seen relationships like that.....they go down hill and the man ends up being not respected in the end.

where does the line become blurred between loving and controlling

Hello Luke,

Thank you for sharing that story. Your friend seems like a decent man. If there was something that he could not live with by being with her, he can just simply leave.

Or, like I stated to Sea...if she wanted to stop being in the profession and was having a difficult time leaving...he could be there to encourage her. But, if she wanted to be in that profession and your friend didn't like it, then...bye bye.

where does the line become blurred between loving and controlling

Hello Sea,

I can agree with that.

However, if one does not want to change and is being endlessly encouraged too....I might see that as something else.

I always thought that you love somebody for who they are....not for somebody you plan to mold into your selfish desires.

For those that like molding, I would suggest getting a dog or something similar. Leave humans be humans.

I don't see a problem expressing a concern over a habit you are not especially pleased with...but to become to the point where you are endlessly encouraging them...especially when you know they are okay with that habit.....then instead of trying to mold them, maybe one should mold themselves and consider breaking off the relationship.

However, if you know that person wants to end that habit...and you are encouraging them....that is different.

Just my opinion.

where does the line become blurred between loving and controlling

With all fairness to relationships, they are a give and take. So, it has been said they should be....and I agree, to some level they should be give and take.

But, I have seen some relationships...that through time...they have given and taken to the point where the couple isolate themselves from society.



Or, I have seen relationships that where one of them take more than they give and essentially the giver becomes a doormat and the taker loses respect from them.....and ends up mistreating them even more than they already had .

RE: cannabis

Hello Luke,

I used to smoke heavily back in the day...wake up until I went to sleep. However, it has been nearly 10 years since I stopped. I like my memory when I am not smoking it....I like my ability to assess the world I am living in with a clear perception.

But, when and if I retire...I might give it another go.

RE: cabin fever

Hello Luke,

Perhaps too many watching too much news and all the negativity on it....thinking everyone in the world is like that.

RE: Arson in NYC - Christmas tree set on fire at Fox Square on the Avenue of the Americas

ahhh....

RE: Arson in NYC - Christmas tree set on fire at Fox Square on the Avenue of the Americas

A lot of lights on that tree...perhaps some faulty wiring too and nothing more than that.



Drier needles on trees like that are very flammable.

RE: Collateral Damage: be careful what you wish for...

Hello Chat,

I think you might be right about a group taking their power and using it for a selfish agenda. It kind of reminds me of a high school setting. Ultimately CS is in control...and while we decide to use and operate on their platform....so be it.

RE: Art of War

I suppose it depends on how much war one has seen in the past...as to whether they will open their heart for another battle.

RE: You've Got Postmail

*sense

RE: You've Got Postmail

That is true Ysa...I get a since that electronic messaging cheapens the quality of a love letter. I suppose the ease and the speed in which they are sent and received might play a role in that....plus the intangible aspect of digital media versus physical material.