wishvis Blog Comments (52)

RE: Love, Connection, Dream, Marriage.

This man is blessed. I hope you achieve what you clearly pray so fervently for, and if that will bring you happiness, Sarasvathy!

RE: Death

Yes, decency and respectful care are necessary for folk to recognise the truth of what transpires, apologise if appropriate, and forgive... these are very powerful indeed when they are sincere!

It really is excellent that you have been able to achieve this with the fathers of your children, Sarasvathy!

RE: Death

Sarasvathy, I always cherished the notion of a family that stays together, but I guess most of us in here, for one reason or another, do not enjoy such luxury... I have always been saddened not to be able to have even a respectful friendship with my ex (the destructive nature of perpetual deceit and unkindness), because this is the worst outcome for our children, even if they were adult at the time.

Yes, it is respect (at the very least), mutual care and love that are the glue that hold people, family and communities together much more than marriage (as an institution) or family as a "unit" regardless of problems within.

A salute to loving parents around the world!

RE: Death

I am so sorry that you should feel so much sadness from the loss of so many friends!

Every story in your blog post touches deeply, and brought tears to my eyes.

You are so right, Sarasvathy, there is no time like the present to be aware of life and of those around us that we cherish!

Even so, I can't help feeling it is never too late to acknowledge our love, and while you hurt to think it's to late for you to tell someone you love(d) them, I can't help thinking that (as silly as this might sound to some) they already know, because you know!

RE: All Out There

2titanium,

There are two things I find helpful...

Be calm inside, no matter what. What you do next will always be a better choice. And whatever happens, you will at least feel calm and at peace.

Believe in yourself, and believe in the power of truth. Often it's power is not instantly evident, but sooner or later (and later than we might wish, so patience comes in handy too! ) you will feel it's power... after all, the truth is what everything is built upon, not the rubbish offered by the desperate that you refer to.

Be strong and gentle!

RE: Contemplating...

Perhaps I might suggest an exciting, warm hearted, and very colourful splash with many ripples!

RE: A Cs-legend

Apparently I arrived when he stopped posting, but already I feel like I knew this very good man. The world is sorely in need of men like him, and his loss is very clear.

RE: Contemplating...

CrazyH, yes, the bustle of life makes it too easy to forget the precious people we miss when they are gone.

I know exactly what you mean about the past, and wishing it could have been sweeter. Especially for children. Nice that care comes now, at least better late than never!

Such a sweet blog, and a sweet heart!

RE: I'm so shallow

VivianLee, you sound perfectly healthy to me... not eating, talking to self... Actually, I mean it.

Maybe you are also comparing now with remembered teenage distress of loss? ("Oh, woe is meeeeeeeeeeee". Well, I was like that anyway... pathetic really )

Increasingly, we become more accustomed to those we love departing for one reason or another, and manage such times with more grace. Also with time, we learn that life is rarely written in cement like we used to think. Anything can still yet happen. Your heart know this.

Shallow you are clearly not.

RE: The Psychopath Next Door

@Sands

Thanks for the tips and understanding words. When you know someone REALLY understands, it makes a difference!

Your comments regarding identity are spot on. I felt so disempowered by the constant deceit, and ignorance of my value or worth. I realised every "family" decision ever made had been manipulated. I was "running on empty" at the end. I'm sure it was my love for my children that carried me through.

I learned an awful lot about people during that time, and subsequently (responses to this tale can be very interesting indeed, showing just how deep some biases reside, and how superficially some people observe life).

Cheers! Here's to all the good folk!

RE: Dumped

Yes, very sorry to hear that, Viv.

I always feel everything ultimately happens for the best, but that is always small comfort when feeling loss keenly.



What the heck...

RE: How?

Glad to hear of your decision, Mimi!

Hope it all works out well for everyone involved.

RE: How?

Mimi, you seem to be saying that you can't help being attracted to this man, but the worst part of his request is that it plays on your desire to help someone in "need", and makes you feel guilty if you say no. This may be unintentional on his part, but this is also a common tactic of manipulation. Either way, we can end up doing something we should not do because our conscience can sometimes work against our better judgement.

Most importantly, once you have committed yourself to do this for him, I suspect you will have little control over whatever happens after that.

Do you... CAN you be sure that you can trust him?

Please recognise your kind desire to help others for what it is, and recognise your attraction to him for what it is (can he "make me fall in love again", or is it something much less than that?). Then be strong in how you go about asking the question of trust, and how you go about deciding what to do.

RE: Why I Like Arab Muslim Culture and Traditions

Such a sad world we live in, with so far to go.

I do see both sides to this.. thank you CrazyLovingHeart and Ian.

There are so many things about the "West" I detest, especially the weakness of family and community structure, and reliance in stupid governments to do that which only people can really do.

If only we could blend the best (and discard the worst) of both (all) cultures, what a wonderful world it could be. But could we do this while still maintaining cultural flavours? Assimilation is awful. The blending of social mechanisms that support a healthy community could be ideal.

The world is surely made beautiful by it's colour and variety of people and life, and surely made unhappy by mankind hurting mankind.

RE: How?

I am sorry, I feel quite concerned! You are not at all compatible (honesty and sincerity like yours is not compatible with a pretender and crowd pleaser), and you can have no faith he is open and honest with you in a situation you have no control over. He is chameleon, you are butterfly.

Yes, it all sounds so Hollywood... people don't realise how tragic that town is! Try to find respectful and convincing way to turn him down. I would never normally encourage someone to tell lie, but in this case, if you must, please do!

RE: IS THIS SITE REAL? DOES ANYBODY MEET SOMEBODY HERE

Lovely story! Love the Honeydew List, and right with you on the joy of Honey!

And if I'm not given a Honeydew List, I just make one up anyway!

RE: 16 Habits Of Highly Sensitive People

Jac... is that excess of overcross or lockstitch, or just not enough aspirin?

RE: All About The Niqab

RE: All About The Niqab

That's very possible, Jac. I'll try checking the hems a little harder!

I hope the aspirin helps!

RE: All About The Niqab

@Rain

Personally, I think the meaning behind "When in Rome do as the Roman's do" had a lot to do with domination (originally of the Romans) and self-preservation (originally under the Romans), and has little relevance to contemporary multiculturalism. Under that concept, there is no possibility of multiculturalism, only assimilation. And we've already seen the misery and destruction that causes. Some lessons just don't seem to get learned.

In other words, it's old hat from an old world, and time to move on. God knows there are many malingerers everywhere though!

RE: All About The Niqab

@Jac

Your much more descriptive comments reflect many of my observations too, though, perhaps curiously, I haven't seen any of the scruffiness or dowdiness.

As you observed, most "Do in Rome as Romans do" to an admirable extent. I think that's natural. And it's nice they don't just switch, but instead blend Western and traditional styles in a way that I think works very nicely, respecting both their original and their host cultures.

Yes, in many ways, in many matters, we are all not so different! Now we just need a few (billion?) more to work that out!

RE: All About The Niqab

@Loulou
Your political environment sounds similar to what we have here. Agendas.

For example, here we now turn "illegal immigrants" (criminals who broke the law) and "economic refugees" (meaning they just want to get rich in our fantastic country) away because that secures votes, unlike the real language of rejecting desperate asylum seekers and refugees who get on lethal, leaking boats (and often die) because they can't access the "legal" refugee "system" from wherever it was they came from.

Yes, you are right about setting a common standard in complex multicultural situations. Once the problem had become more recognised here, we do now have some much firmer laws regarding those awful practices you raise, along with preventing shipping off for arranged marriages etc. Of course, some extremes will always find loop holes, but at least some standards have been set and broadcast, and enforceable by law.

This argument regarding coverings and veils etc seems to be straining at the (almost silly) details of such "standards", and bringing out the entrenched lack of understanding and intolerance, and even rudeness among some sections of our societies. I suppose it's good to know it's there... forewarned is forearmed... but even better if it wasn't there at all, and (as you say) minds were more open.

RE: All About The Niqab

@India
I really did take your comment as a joke, and so my reply was too (I hoped you would see)!
But thank you for your kind comfort. It's always nice to be sure!

RE: All About The Niqab

@India
Thanks for your kind comment... I think

I know I can be a bit verbose sometimes, but there is always the "next", "page down", "back" and "close" buttons at your disposal!

RE: All About The Niqab

@Loulou
Perhaps the environment (University) in which I mostly see them has something to do with it, but I have had no sense of anything but modesty and composure in their manner. They do not appear timid or uncomfortable, but quite the opposite. Those I have known are proud of their culture, and not living in fear of cultural pressures.

I am sure you are right that there are other, opposing cases, however.

There have been some awful cases here, for instance, of 18 year old girls being shipped (almost literally) back to their "home culture" when they are already 99% Australian in culture (raised here from very young, and now Australian citizens), for an arranged marriage to some boy in rural Afghanistan she has never known. New laws were only recently introduced here to prevent this happening again.

RE: WOMAN IN LOVE

"All you need is love!" (Beatles, 1967)

RE: I am so happy to be me...

That is a lovely testament, LFA!

It's nice to see your love for them, and their love for you.

You are so right that these things are beyond anything money can buy, for them and for you!

They are blessed to have such a caring daughter!

Cheers!

RE: I am heart broken from my love of cs after 4 month

If he's saying he doesn't trust you, then he is bringing distrust into your relationship. Not good.

If he's OK to just switch off like that, then love (and even basic respect) is missing in action. Not good.

If the one you love does not behave first and last like the best of friends to you... not good.

It does hurt when we have had our hopes up! Look within and take strength from your heart that is open and capable of love! You would have been hurt by this person, and you are much safer without him.

RE: fabulously flawed....

I think is perfect, Usha!
To which I can only say...

RE: fabulously flawed....

Dear Usha,

Please don't worry! I think you really are very sweet (and not pretending), and I thought you were very sweet to "flirt" so sweetly (made me feel warm buzzing inside )... but I knew you are just "keeping up your good work"... but tell me... was that "appointed" or "self-appointed"?