Everyone is different. What you need to do is get to know that person & see how they feel. Then the two of you decide together how to proceed from there.
In some cases they can take the kids away but it depends on the state, the charges & the record of the parent being accused... not to mention the general demeanor or the case worker that day.
Typically, they investigate first time reports before acting on them... not to mention, as a deployed parent by reporting issues like this against the opposite parent, he stands the children being left where they are. The military doesn't allow for single parents or custody to deployed parents so CPS will often opt to keep the child where they are.
She might want to call his C/O & lodge a complaint. As a member of the military, family issues are often held in high regards & the military parent is expected to act in a civil manner at all times. I remember a child in my school ran home & told her mother a wild story about my family(Army brat here) which resulted in my father getting pulled into the post commanders office for a royal *sschewing... even though he had done nothing wrong. They still promote this concept to the is day.
Your situation bears an uncanny similarity to the one I found myself in with the older foster child I took in. His mother was allowed very limited visits, supervised mind you... and I agreed to it. They became so spread out & she had begun to skip out on them in the end. Eventually, her calls to announce her coming were more damaging than if she had simply hit her son with a stone. It took a court order & a ton of evidence(not to mention almost all my saving spent on shrinks) to have her parenting right s permanently removed. It allowed everyone to move on & old wounds to heal.
...ironically, she never contested any part of the case.
I hope your situation isn't like this but if it is, let it pass quickly.
Now that have given you the details to this family, can you see how you picked one point to focus on & missed out completely on the bigger picture?
When someone immediately zips to one point, it is often that issue that they struggle with as a person. You missed the truth of the matter and over emphasized the details that caught your eye. If you are approaching relationships with this same mindset, this might be a good time to ask yourself ... "how's that working for you?"
Again, I'm simply sharing what I see... not attacking you. I hope you can understand that.
I have had children, thank you & understand those concepts clearly. I have been a foster parent to children who suffered much worse than mere neglect. But I digress...
You've made the assumption(which I saw the point of this thread to be) that a child is neglected of time with it's parent, just because they do not live with them... or are not in full time custody. You have to get to know each situation in order to grasp the uniqueness. I am not trying to pick a fight with you & I apologize if it came across as such. I am trying to get you to see that if you categorize & label the whole world, you will be missing some of the best parts.
Here are the details you would not have seen... The mother gave up the child to the father. The had a peaceful relationship(that simply was not a marriage) & remain best friends to this day. Both the parents still go on long family vacations with this child & spend as close to equally shared time as possible. The job she was offered involved traveling to other countries so custody would not have been fair to the child. After 1 yr, her sacrifices allowed her to sit as a chair person to a major name company & now she only travels when needed. By having the father take custody, all three of them now live more of a perfect family life then they would have ever have had. If she had taken custody, he might have bought a bar or a small business by now & be working long hours to keep it afloat... unable to spend nearly the amount of time with their child as he is now. She would still be someone's assistant & her hours would be so long, the child would grow more comfortable with babysitters than the parents.
This is only one example of how you simply can not assume things about people based on a handful of generic categories.
You have your own biases & they will guide your choices... but just remember, you may have passed up on a fairytale just because it looked like a dumb story about a toad.
Having been wiped out by Katrina, I got to live one of my personal jokes. I always laughed & said "I want to live as a minimalist".
Well, I sort of am now. I have only three real pieces of furniture, my metal meat rack(which doubles as my bed), my favorite chair(now the cat's bed-lol!), and my handmade birch desk(the center of my world). Aside from them, I have a handful of artwork, a butt load of plants & a few trinkets given to me to cheer me up after everything happened.
At this point, almost all of them are pointless... but I like a few of them.
There you go assuming again. Take a step back from your perceptions & read that again...
Do you even grasp who made the sacrifice? They all have a better life now... and I bet you can't even tell who made the real sacrifice. Don't assume anything about their situation. Just read what details are there.
Think about it again. Switch the characters around in your head & try it from another perspective.
Yes it's possible to have both. It has nothing to do with making up your mind, you already know what you want. You're a free spirited person & in need of a special kind of partner, that's all. You don't need to be smothered, babied or neglected. You need a balance of respect & acceptance. The idea of being free spirited is always getting bashed by people who are not of the like mindset... partially because they do not relate to the way it feels. They are looking for something different. That's okay too. But don't let anyone criticize you & make you doubt what you feel. It's your wants & needs, not theirs. If you find you are with the wrong kind of person, just slow down & examine how you got into that situation. Did you rush into a relationship? Often, that is the biggest killer of a new relationship. Once the thrilling part dies off a bit, the attraction has be based on something more... but often isn't.
Being honest about your nature & what you need is the only way to find an exciting partner who will know how to give you room to breath, but still pin you up against the wall for that hair raising kiss.
keep some things for yourself... like the details of your relationships. There are quite a few people who've learned the hard way that sharing one's personal details adds too many elements to the mix.
I hope it turns out to be a wonderful night for you... but maybe it's best to give it time to bloom before you go jinxing things.
spiceygamble Forum Posts (4,493)
RE: Music that shocked the life out of you
I'm afraid no music really shocks me any more.Might be all the years as an AV tech... might just be where I live.
*shrugs...