Forum Posts by britishcolumbian

  • 429 records
  • britishcolumbian

    RE: The blondes are back..........................

    A police officer sees a blonde woman driving and knitting at the same time.
    Exasperated, he drives up next to her and screams out the window,
    "Pull over!" The blonde responds, "No Silly, it's a scarf."


    wave wave wave
    by britishcolumbian Nov 4 unknown, British Columbia Canada
  • britishcolumbian

    RE: The blondes are back..........................

    A blonde walks into a shoe store and tries on a pair of shoes.
    "How do they feel?" asks the salesclerk. "Well, they feel a bit tight," replies the blonde.
    The assistant promptly bends down and has a look at the shoes and the blonde’s feet.
    "Try pulling the tongue out," offers the clerk.
    “Nath, theyth sthill feelth a bith tighth,” the blonde replies...... rolling on the floor laughing

    wave wave wave
    by britishcolumbian Nov 3 unknown, British Columbia Canada
  • britishcolumbian

    RE: The blondes are back..........................

    Track16: How do you confuse a blonde?

    Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner.


    Keep them coming guys rolling on the floor laughing


    A blonde goes to the doctor's and find out she is pregnant with twins.
    She starts crying and the doctor asks her what's wrong. She replies,
    "I know who the dad is for one of them but I don't know who the dad is for the other one!"
    rolling on the floor laughing
    by britishcolumbian Nov 3 unknown, British Columbia Canada
  • britishcolumbian

    RE: The blondes are back..........................

    A blonde really got tired of all blonde jokes and decided to hang herself in the bathroom.
    As she locked the door, she yelled at her husband, "I'm hanging myself because I'm tired of jokes about us blondes being stupid!"
    Her husband broke into the bathroom and saw his wife with a rope tied on her toe.
    The husband said, "I thought you were hanging yourself." She said, "Yes, I am!"
    The husband replied, "Usually when people hang themselves, they tie the rope around their neck, so why is yours tied on your toe?" She said, "I tried that, but I couldn't breathe."


    wave wave wave
    by britishcolumbian Nov 3 unknown, British Columbia Canada
  • britishcolumbian

    RE: The blondes are back..........................

    A blonde woman decides that she is sick and tired of all the blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.
    While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house.
    The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.
    Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint.
    He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat.
    He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time.
    He goes over and asks her if she is OK. She replies yes. He asks what she is doing.
    She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house.
    He then asks her why she has a ski jacket over her fur coat.
    She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said, "For best results, put on two coats

    cheering applause dancing For the "smart" blonde
    by britishcolumbian Nov 2 unknown, British Columbia Canada
  • britishcolumbian

    RE: The blondes are back..........................

    Track16: There were a blonde and a brunette driving and the brunette goes to the blonde, "Go check my blinker!"

    "Does it work?"

    Blonde:

    "Yes"
    "No"
    "Yes"
    "No"
    rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing thumbs up
    by britishcolumbian Nov 2 unknown, British Columbia Canada
  • britishcolumbian

    RE: The blondes are back..........................

    Track16: There were a blonde and a brunette driving and the brunette goes to the blonde, "Go check my blinker!"

    "Does it work?"

    Blonde:

    "Yes"
    "No"
    "Yes"
    "No"
    rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing thumbs up
    by britishcolumbian Nov 2 unknown, British Columbia Canada
  • britishcolumbian

    RE: The blondes are back..........................

    Track16: Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, California, a blonde, new to boating was having problems. No matter how hard she tried, she just couldn't get her brand new 22ft Bayliner to perform.
    It wouldn't plane at all, and it was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power she applied.
    After about an hour of trying to make it go, she putted over to a nearby marina. Maybe they could tell her what was wrong.
    A thorough topside check revealed everything was in perfect working order. The engine ran, the out drive went up and down, the prop was the correct size and pitch.
    So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath.

    Under the boat, still strapped in place, was the trailer.


    Yep that sounds like a blonde alright good one Track wave wave wave
    by britishcolumbian Nov 2 unknown, British Columbia Canada
  • britishcolumbian

    RE: The blondes are back..........................

    A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
    She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together.
    Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"

    wave
    by britishcolumbian Nov 1 unknown, British Columbia Canada
  • britishcolumbian

    RE: The blondes are back..........................

    waasa: LMAO



    Q: Why do blondes take the pill? A: So they know what day of the week it is. A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Brazilian....
    " The blonde replies, "Oh my God! You slut! How many is a brazilian?"
    Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up? A: To catch everything that goes over their heads
    Q: Why do blondes wear ponytails? A: To hide the valve stem!
    Q: Did you ever hear about the blonde who bathed herself and drank cleaning substances? A: She wanted to be spotless inside and out.
    Q: How do you confuse a blonde? A: Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.
    Q: Why did the blonde take a ruler to bed? A: Because she wanted to measure how long he slept. Q: What do you call an eternity? A: Four Blondes in four cars at a four way stop.
    Q: How do you sink a submarine full of blondes? A: Knock on the door.
    Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF written on their shoes? A: Toes Go In First.
    Q: Why do Blondes always smile during lightning storms? A: They think their picture is being taken.

    Q: How can you tell a blonde has used your computer? A: There is white out on the screen.
    Q: How do you change a blonde's mind? A1: Blow in her ear. A2: Buy her another beer. Q: What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear? A: "Thanks for the refill!"
    Q: Why did the Blonde go to Taco Bell? A: To pay her phone bill. Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain? A: Gifted!
    Q: What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home? A: She moved.
    Q: Why did the blonde take a camera to bed? A: To record what she was going to dream that night.
    Q: Did you hear about the blonde who stayed up all night to see where the sun went? A: It finally dawned on her!
    Q: How does a blonde turn on the light after sex? A: Opens the car door..
    Q: Why did the blonde only tie one shoe? A: Because on the bottom it said "Taiwan" (Tie one)


    wave wave wave
    by britishcolumbian Nov 1 unknown, British Columbia Canada
  • britishcolumbian

    RE: A SMART blonde, just to confuse all who think all blondes are dumb

    A BLONDE & HER TWO COATS


    While her husband was at work, a blonde decided to paint their living room.
    After her husband arrives home, he finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat while wearing a parka and a mink. He asked her what she was doing.
    She said, "I wanted to prove to you that not all blonde women are dumb, and I wanted to do it by painting the living room."
    He says that he was impressed at the good job she had done, but asked, "Why are you wearing two coats?
    She replied, "I read the directions on the paint can, and they said, ''For best results, put on two coats!'"



    wave wave wave
    by britishcolumbian Oct 31 unknown, British Columbia Canada
  • britishcolumbian

    RE: A SMART blonde, just to confuse all who think all blondes are dumb

    MikeD12: A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde.

    The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.

    'What does it look like?' she finally asked. The policewoman replied, 'It's square and it has your picture on it.'

    The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman.

    'Here it is,' she said.

    The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, 'Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop.



    rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing Good one Mike wave wave wave
    by britishcolumbian Oct 31 unknown, British Columbia Canada
  • britishcolumbian

    RE: Lawyers in the courtroom............unreal...............

    The following questions from lawyers were taken from official court records nationwide.

    1) Was that the same nose you broke as a child?

    2) Now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn't know anything about it until the next morning?

    3) Q: What happened then?
    A: He told me, he says, 'I have to kill you because you can identify me.' Q: Did he kill you?

    4) Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?

    5) The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?

    6) Were you alone or by yourself.

    7) How long have you been a French Canadian?

    8) Do you have any children or anything of that kind?

    9) Q: I show you exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture.
    A: That's me.
    Q: Were you present when that picture was taken?

    10) Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?

    11) Q: Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?
    A: By death.
    Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

    12) Q: Do you know how far pregnant you are now?
    A: I'll be three months on November 8.
    Q: Apparently, then, the date of conception was August 8?
    A: Yes.
    Q: What were you doing at that time?

    13) Q: Mrs. Jones, do you believe you are emotionally stable?
    A: I used to be.
    Q: How many times have you committed suicide?

    14) So you were gone until you returned?

    15) Q: She had three children, right?
    A: Yes.
    Q: How many were boys?
    A: None.
    Q: Were there girls?

    16) You don't know what it was, and you didn't know what it looked like, but can you describe it?

    17) Q: You say that the stairs went down to the basement?
    A: Yes.
    Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

    18) Q: Have you lived in this town all your life?
    A: Not yet.

    19) A Texas attorney, realizing he was on the verge of unleashing a stupid question, interrupted himself and said, "Your Honor, I'd like to strike the next question."

    20) Q: Do you recall approximately the time that you examined the body of Mr. Edington at the rose Chapel?
    A: It was in the evening. The autopsy started about 8:30 p.m.
    Q: And Mr. Edington was dead at the time, is that correct?
    A: No, you stupid, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy!



    -----wave wave wave
    by britishcolumbian Oct 30 unknown, British Columbia Canada
  • britishcolumbian

    RE: Dating a Widow or Widower

    Deedee123x: No your right I wouldn't ever assume I'd replace their mother.
    I love children and think their earliest years are the most important of their lives and it's the reason I'm anxious not to put a foot wrong on this....yes I agree they are resilient and precious and depending how they r treated and feel they are accepting..
    It's them I'm more worried for than their father or my feelings and I will certainly tread very carefully.

    Thanks for ur opinion.
    ..............


    Can you just be friends with him without the kids for awhile?
    You have to like him first before the kids.............
    This is difficult for sure as I can tell that you would love to be a friend to the children too.
    How old are the kids Deedee?
    Follow your heart girl


    teddybear
    by britishcolumbian Oct 28 unknown, British Columbia Canada
  • britishcolumbian

    RE: Dating a Widow or Widower

    galrads: well, after 10-years, the shrine around her home includes his creamation urn, trophies, medals, books, maps. I mistakenly moved something of his on an end table (once) to place a drink on and she reacted negatively. If I mention one of my simple accomplishments, it's usually one-upped by something the dead did. There's more, of course, but I'd rather not open-air in in a pubic forum.



    Galrad this lady is not ready to move on it looks to me she never will.........sad but when she still has a shrine no less and all the other things hangiing around it tells it all........

    teddybear
    by britishcolumbian Oct 28 unknown, British Columbia Canada
  • britishcolumbian

    RE: Dating a Widow or Widower

    Venus777: I have been widowed for nearly four years. Previously I have been divorced.It is not the same thing at all.

    Yes, I believe that you can date a widow or widower successfully, but you have to understand that they were bereaved, and there wasn’t a choice to it.
    Sometimes I think that only a widower would really understand as they have been through it themselves.

    As others have said , you don’t get over it , you live along side it.
    I don’t want to forget about my husband , put away the photos and pretend that he didn’t exist.
    He did, but he has gone and I want to move forward in a new relationship.

    We all have a past and it would be a huge warning sign to me if somebody that I wanted to be involved with didn’t share their past.

    Life is for living, and by the very nature that we are on this site leads me to believe that most people want to move forward in a positive way.

    I wish there was a sight for widows and widowers .....




    There are many sites for widows and widowers, one is called; Widows and Widowers, you will find others there

    teddybear
    by britishcolumbian Oct 28 unknown, British Columbia Canada
  • britishcolumbian

    RE: A SMART blonde, just to confuse all who think all blondes are dumb

    Lilith10: I do...I do..BC..


    Oh Lilith thank you, thank you saved by the.......... lol one called Lilith

    Yeah this blonde is smart for sure don't have such an expensive car but her idea is brilliant....cheering
    by britishcolumbian Oct 27 unknown, British Columbia Canada
  • britishcolumbian

    RE: Fight attendant in Sidney dealt with a difficult passenger, true story.............

    Deedee123x: I think he has left the building BC.
    Sorry to intrude.....but he is a funny funny guy!! Can't help but love him



    Yes you are right he is very funny, no harm to have some fun keep it up ..............cheering
    by britishcolumbian Oct 27 unknown, British Columbia Canada
  • britishcolumbian

    RE: Fight attendant in Sidney dealt with a difficult passenger, true story.............

    Lookin4missright: Miss BC is gonna kick our arses when she wakes up .................



    You got me wrong as I am enjoying you'r guys banter, just don't stop now wave wave wave
    by britishcolumbian Oct 27 unknown, British Columbia Canada
  • britishcolumbian

    RE: A SMART blonde, just to confuse all who think all blondes are dumb

    britishcolumbian: A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank; she has the title, and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the blonde returns and repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely; but we are a little puzzled. We checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is - why would you bother to borrow $5,000?" The blond replies....."Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"



    Oh oh, no one likes a smart blonde? rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing
    by britishcolumbian Oct 27 unknown, British Columbia Canada
  • britishcolumbian

    RE: Fight attendant in Sidney dealt with a difficult passenger, true story.............

    Deedee123x: Nor I. ....my reply wud be littered with expletives



    lol deedee me too and probably let him have it in Dutch too, just too make him more frustrated cheering
    by britishcolumbian Oct 27 unknown, British Columbia Canada
  • britishcolumbian

    RE: Fight attendant in Sidney dealt with a difficult passenger, true story.............

    Deedee123x: Brilliant hahaha very wellittle handled....



    Deedee I know for sure I could not have done so well with this passenger..........

    wave wave wave
    by britishcolumbian Oct 27 unknown, British Columbia Canada
  • britishcolumbian

    RE: A SMART blonde, just to confuse all who think all blondes are dumb

    A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank; she has the title, and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the blonde returns and repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely; but we are a little puzzled. We checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is - why would you bother to borrow $5,000?" The blond replies....."Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"

    wave wave wave
    by britishcolumbian Oct 27 unknown, British Columbia Canada
  • britishcolumbian

    RE: The blondes are back..........................

    One blonde to the other: "Shall I tell my parents that I am adopted?"
    Why did God create blondes?
    -
    So there’d be somebody to fetch beer.
    -
    Why did God create brunettes?
    -
    Because the blondes were failing at it miserably.
    How do you confuse a blonde?
    -
    That is impossible. They're already born that way.

    Check out this really funny jokes: http://www.short-funny.com/blonde-jokes.php#ixzz4wjDrq9Hi

    wave wave wave
    by britishcolumbian Oct 27 unknown, British Columbia Canada
  • britishcolumbian

    RE: The blondes are back..........................

    Deedee123x: I love reading ur threads BC....they are different ..unique ..and never boring....


    Thank you Deedee,

    Thank you all for adding to the blond jokes,,,,,,,,I have now a few new ones to pass on, your good sports..
    Oh please don't stop now ..............

    wave wave wave
    by britishcolumbian Oct 27 unknown, British Columbia Canada
  • britishcolumbian

    RE: Fight attendant in Sidney dealt with a difficult passenger, true story.............

    So if flying from Sidney you may meet this feisty girl rolling on the floor laughing
    by britishcolumbian Oct 27 unknown, British Columbia Canada
  • britishcolumbian

    RE: The blondes are back..........................

    Trichoptera: Two secretaries were at work one day...a blonde and a redhead...just before afternoon coffee a beautiful bouquet of roses came addressed to the redhead.
    "Oh Great!" exclaimed the redhead, "now I'll be expected to lay on my back all night with my legs in the air!"
    "really?" said the blonde "why don't you just use a vase?"


    Yeah that made sense to me too.................. rolling on the floor laughing
    by britishcolumbian Oct 27 unknown, British Columbia Canada
  • britishcolumbian

    RE: The blondes are back..........................

    BerrySmoothie: BC

    Only a blonde like yourself, could get away with this.


    Ha ha, your right Berry I even tell my doctors blonde jokes and they love it.....
    They need to laugh as their job is stressfull...

    wave wave wave
    by britishcolumbian Oct 27 unknown, British Columbia Canada
  • britishcolumbian

    RE: The blondes are back..........................

    waasa: Blondes , we salute you


    Hello from an "imported" Dutch girl born in Groningen..........

    wave wave wave
    by britishcolumbian Oct 27 unknown, British Columbia Canada
  • britishcolumbian

    RE: Fight attendant in Sidney dealt with a difficult passenger, true story.............

    A passenger became very irate as he felt he had to wait too long to get attention from the flight attendant.
    She told him nicely that he had to wait his turn.
    This angered him even more and shouted at her; "Don't you know who I am?
    Not missing a beat the flight attendant grabbed the microphone and said; "People we have a problem, we have here a gentleman who does not know who he is, if anyone recognize him please come forward"
    This "gentleman" now lost it totally and screamed; "f*ck you" to which the fligh attendant smiled and told him; "Sir for that you have to get in line also"
    by britishcolumbian Oct 27 unknown, British Columbia Canada

This is a list of Forum Threads that britishcolumbian created or posted in